Fathead Help Line: "Hello this is Fathead how can we help you?"
Loyal: "Yes hello. I, uh, purchased a Creed Humphries Fathead that I would like to return. It is only mildly used."
Fathead Help Line: "Sir what exactly do you mean by 'used?' Do you mean you have it on your wall?"
Loyal: "Oh yeah, sure, that's what I meant. And, well, there are also some spray pattern spots on it. Very, very mild and almost unnoticeable. "
Fathead Help Line: "I'm sorry Sir but we have an anti-spank return policy with all our products. Read the fine print please."
Loyal: "SONOFA!!!!"