LEGEND Make Us Laugh

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Loyal

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A man was caring for his wife's sexual needs and said, "let me know when you climax, honey."

She responded, "I would but don't want to bother you at work..."
 

Mackeyser

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I watched better acting as a kid when I tried to watch scrambled porn on ON TV...
 

dieterbrock

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94B79E54-261D-40F6-9EDF-15EA5271FB30.jpeg
 

FaulkSF

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I watched better acting as a kid when I tried to watch scrambled porn on ON TV...
Mods please move this to things I miss thread:
 

Selassie I

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Mods please move this to things I miss thread:


Naw... because you posting it here made me laugh. :zany:
 

1maGoh

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I know this isn't funny, but have you ever cleared your house while your kids were in it? Not fun. Not enjoyable. Not that looking for people you think broke into your home is (neither would shooting them), but that was a whole new level of butt puckering nervousness.
 

Elmgrovegnome

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I know this isn't funny, but have you ever cleared your house while your kids were in it? Not fun. Not enjoyable. Not that looking for people you think broke into your home is (neither would shooting them), but that was a whole new level of butt puckering nervousness.

We had a break in at 2:00 AM in 11/13. My kids were young and all handguns were locked in a safe in the basement. After the break in I got a fingerprint safe at my bedside and an alarm system. I put my kids through a drill. I remind them of it every now and then. If the alarm goes off they are to get low to the ground and away from the doorways. This is not in case I shot but in case a burglar shot towards me which would be in the direction of the bedrooms. I doubt it will ever come to that in my small town. But best to be prepared.





This brings about a funny memory. I was always an average Joe, but for some reason I 'd attract unstable women. Maybe because I've always been a good listener? One day I got my haircut by a gorgeous sexy redhead named Chrissy. She seemed to be interested, so I asked her if she'd like to go to a local bar. It was the only one with a dance floor. I walk in with Chrissy on my arm and it turns heads. I'm feeling all proud as I go to the bar to get us drinks and a guy I knew comes up and says, " No offense but you are not on the same plane with this chick. " then he and some others got a good laugh. My ego was hurt a bit but I was determined to prove them wrong. She comes over and pulls me to the dance floor, I'm ready to strut my stuff, and she dances like that girl in this video!?! I'm like wtf? How do you dance with someone who is all over the place with her arms and her legs and making erratic motions. I instantly felt stupid and knew what that guy meant. Everyone was looking at us. I tried to pull it off but it just wasn't working. She kind of migrated to the middle of the floor doing her own thing then. She was dancing like that all night. She occasionally came over and took a drink and do a quick flirt with me, but I barely saw her. I think she left with some other guy or a girlfriend later, because I couldn't find her at closing. I was leaving and that guy walks by and said, " I told you so. "

a few years later my sister says, "hey Maria really thinks you are cute". Maria happened to be Chrissy's sister. Needless to say I didn't pursue her.