LEGEND Make Us Laugh

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IowaRam

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Nov 11, 2014
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5,338
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Iowa
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RamUK

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Dec 5, 2018
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318
Not sure if there's. gas shortage in the US like the Uk with every wanker and his mate panicking.

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RamUK

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Dec 5, 2018
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And this is 100% legit and not photoshopped. He is a real BBC reporter and that is not photoshopped.

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RamFan503

Grill and Brew Master
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Jun 24, 2010
Messages
31,001
Name
Stu
My mate drowned in a boating accident.
We had a wreath made in the shape of a life belt because, well, we think that's what he would have wanted.
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My brother says he's always having to tighten his belt.
Then again, he is a heroin addict
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My grandad went down in histroy.
He also fingered a girl in geography.
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If you don't have kids hire a babysitter before a night out.
When they arrive say he's asleep upstairs in bed and not to wake him
Then when you get back, go upstairs and scream 'where's my baby'
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The people next door to me have made a sex tape.
Obviously, they don't know it yet.
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I watched the directors’ cut of a porn film. At the end he actually fixes the washing machine.

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The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw"
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As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated… in the end, we let her live.
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You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; but you teach a man to fish – saved yourself a fish haven’t you?
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I took a positive thinking course… it was shit.
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I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today… unfortunately, it’s only for victims.
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My grief counsellor died the other day… but he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
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My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”
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All from Gary Delaney's Gary in Punderland book.

He's possibly the best one-lag gag teller I know. I usually prefer storytelling comedians, but he's very good.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qja1VIOBVcs
I was thinking these were Jimmy Carr one liners. Pretty funny shit.
 

RamUK

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Dec 5, 2018
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I was thinking these were Jimmy Carr one liners. Pretty funny shit.
He's very similar to Carr in his delivery who coincidentally, I'm going to see live next month.

I tend to prefer storytelling comics like Stanhope, Jefferies and Noah, but other than Jeselnik, those two are my favorite gag tellers.
 

snackdaddy

Legend
Joined
May 6, 2014
Messages
6,056
Name
Charlie
My wife and I had a disagreement. She said having a baby is more painful than a man getting kicked in the nuts. I told her "When you had our first kid it wasn't a year later when you said you would like to have another baby. I've been kicked in the nuts before. You'll never hear me say I'd sure like another kick in the nuts".