LEGEND Make Us Laugh

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FaulkSF

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Lets not forget that these kids were attempting to commit corporate espionage.

This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for these kids and their guardians to tour the factory - a factory that wasn't built for tours. To be careful - he gave specific rules for these little fuckwads to follow - he warned them of the consequences - and now he gets the blame?

Augustus is in a giant room where everything is edible - the kids are just stuffing themselves - the one rule is don't touch the river. One thing he asks them not to get into - and he gets into it.

Violet snatches the gum out of the machine. It wasn't handed to her. "I wouldn't do that, I really wouldn't." She does it.

Veruca Salt trashes the goose room and throws herself on the egg shoot. She was a bad egg.

Mike TV just takes it on himself to miniaturize himself. Granted, Wonka could have been more forceful in his warning on this one - it was a half hearted warning - but by this time, the man had had it with these kids.

Even Charlie and Grandpa could have been killed in the fizzy lifting incident and it would have been entirely on them.

Is it the Grand Canyon's fault when people fall in? At some point - there is accountability for actions - and that's really what the story is about. For the kids and for their parents - when you disregard safety protocols, you put yourself in danger. You aren't then the "victim" allowed to blame your host for failing to put all the pieces back together again. Its basically the burger falling thru the skylight and suing the homeowner for negligence.

And yes, the fact that grandpa all of a sudden finds his legs when there is a golden ticket is ridiculous. If there is someone who ought to be able to lodge a complaint, its Charlie's mom.
Minors signed the contract. They obviously lacked the capacity to understand and fulfill the terms of the contract even when forewarned by Mr. Wonka to avoid life threatening temptations.

Since a tour of the Wonka factory is not a necessity and the contacts were signed by minors, the contract is unenforceable and therefore null and void. Mr. Wonka would be liable for any harm caused to the children who were lured to sign a contract in return for a heap of candy.

Further, I request a recess to talk to the defendant's counsel. Recess granted.

In recess: I have a laundry list of OSHA and labor violations that will be ten-fold more expensive for your client to fix and pay compared to the injury settlement my clients are seeking. I suggest Mr. Wonka accepts the settlement or be liable for my clients' injury settlement and beholden to the outcomes of the claims I intend to file with OSHA and DFEH. If Mr. Wonka agrees, I will hand over the electronic and printed list of violations to your custody.
 

12intheBox

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Wil Fay
Minors signed the contract. They obviously lacked the capacity to understand and fulfill the terms of the contract even when forewarned by Mr. Wonka to avoid life threatening temptations.

Since a tour of the Wonka factory is not a necessity and the contacts were signed by minors, the contract is unenforceable and therefore null and void. Mr. Wonka would be liable for any harm caused to the children who were lured to sign a contract in return for a heap of candy.

Further, I request a recess to talk to the defendant's counsel. Recess granted.

In recess: I have a laundry list of OSHA and labor violations that will be ten-fold more expensive for your client to fix and pay compared to the injury settlement my clients are seeking. I suggest Mr. Wonka accepts the settlement or be liable for my clients' injury settlement and beholden to the outcomes of the claims I intend to file with OSHA and DFEH. If Mr. Wonka agrees, I will hand over the electronic and printed list of violations to your custody.

Your extortion tactics would be better received if OSHA and DFEH existed when the tour took place (which they did not) - not to mention the absurd jurisdictional gymnastics to even bring up DFEH in the first place. Are you sure you are licensed in this courtroom?

Wonka insisted that the minors be accompanied by a guardian. Waivers aside, which we contend are enforceable as they were executed in the presence and with the specific knowledge of their guardians, what is the standard of reasonable care? Surely you aren’t suggesting strict liability simply because they were on Wonka’s premises. Factories are inherently dangerous, and this danger is increased tenfold when safety guidelines are not only crossed, they are completely disregarded. If you invite me and my child to your home or business and my child steals a knife from your silverware drawer and stabs himself in the eye with it, are you liable? From a public policy perspective, we want children to be able to learn the manufacturing process. If we hold factory owners to impossible standards where even attended children can run completely amuck and be financially rewarded for their malfeasance, who can we expect to ever open their doors to the public?
 

VegasRam

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Excuse me.

What in the fuck is this Willie Wonka Wanker fest about.

Really?

Jesus guys - try a life.
 

Memento

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Excuse me.

What in the fuck is this Willie Wonka Wanker fest about.

Really?

Jesus guys - try a life.

You may need to read more often; we're all just debating the merits of whether Willy Wonka was a psychopath or not. It's philosophical debate about literature.

But yeah, let's just all go with the thread meaning, which is basically making people laugh. So, to start it out, I have a really bad joke:

Q: "What do you do if an elephant eats you?"

A: "You run and you run until you're all pooped out."
 

Neil039

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E18A9C76-7FC1-4D88-8969-3D28993E596F.jpeg
 

RamUK

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Tim
My mate drowned in a boating accident.
We had a wreath made in the shape of a life belt because, well, we think that's what he would have wanted.
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My brother says he's always having to tighten his belt.
Then again, he is a heroin addict
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My grandad went down in histroy.
He also fingered a girl in geography.
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If you don't have kids hire a babysitter before a night out.
When they arrive say he's asleep upstairs in bed and not to wake him
Then when you get back, go upstairs and scream 'where's my baby'
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The people next door to me have made a sex tape.
Obviously, they don't know it yet.
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I watched the directors’ cut of a porn film. At the end he actually fixes the washing machine.

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The president of France said that the English are arrogant with their refusal to learn foreign languages; at least, I think that’s what he said… it all just sounded like “haw-he-haw-he-haw-he-haw"
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As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated… in the end, we let her live.
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You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; but you teach a man to fish – saved yourself a fish haven’t you?
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I took a positive thinking course… it was shit.
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I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today… unfortunately, it’s only for victims.
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My grief counsellor died the other day… but he was so good I didn’t give a shit.
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My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”
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All from Gary Delaney's Gary in Punderland book.

He's possibly the best one-lag gag teller I know. I usually prefer storytelling comedians, but he's very good.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qja1VIOBVcs
 

dieterbrock

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I am not here for the Wonka bashing. Wonka warned each of those spoiled ass kids - actions have consequences. Violet didn’t become a blueberry because she chewed gum, she ate an expiremental piece of gum after Wonka said and I quote, “I wouldn’t do that - I really wouldn’t.”

Under section 37B of the contract signed by these kids, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if, and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy. I the undersigned shall forfeit all rights privileges and licenses herein and herein contained et cetera et cetera... huhh fax mentis incendium gloria culpum et cetera et cetera... huhh memo bis punitor delicatum! It's all there black and white clear as crystal!

they get nothing! They lose! Good day!!
You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler. That's what you are! How can you do a thing like this?! Build up a little boy's hope and then smash all his dreams to pieces!
You're an inhuman MONSTER!