LEGEND Make Us Laugh
- Thread starter Prime Time
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- Jul 27, 2010
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- Joined
- Jul 27, 2010
- Messages
- 29,669
- Joined
- May 23, 2018
- Messages
- 2,344
- Name
- John
Daily humor report! This is a funny take on current circumstances! Try not to take it too seriously and just Enjoy!
1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?
2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do
.
3. When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me.
4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats.
5. Just wait a second – so what you're telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right!
6. People are scared of getting fined or arrested for congregating in crowds, as if catching a deadly disease and dying a horrible death wasn’t enough of a deterrent.
7. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.
8. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.
9. Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.
10. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.
11. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is.
12. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?
13. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.
14. Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.
1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?
2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do
.
3. When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me.
4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats.
5. Just wait a second – so what you're telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right!
6. People are scared of getting fined or arrested for congregating in crowds, as if catching a deadly disease and dying a horrible death wasn’t enough of a deterrent.
7. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.
8. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.
9. Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.
10. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.
11. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is.
12. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?
13. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.
14. Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.
1maGoh
Hall of Fame
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I tried to find a pair of underwear with Wednesday Addams on them (you know days of the week, Wednesday? It was funny in my head for a minute okay?)... Now I feel like a weirdo and a failure.
1maGoh
Hall of Fame
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I'm surprised that the Philadelphia newspaper would say "midgets", but if any place would, that would be it.
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- Jun 19, 2014
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Many, many years ago when I was 23
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life
For now my daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife
And to complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad
And so he became my uncle though it mad me very sad
For if he were my uncle that would also made him brother
Of the widows grown-up daughter who was of course my stepmother
Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild for he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife she's my grandmother two
Now if my wife is my grandmother then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it, nearly drives me wild
'Cause now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother I am my own grandpaw
Oh I'm my own grandpaw
I'm my own grandpaw
It sounds funny I know but it really is so
I'm my own grandpaw
(Listen to this now)
I'm my own grandpaw
I'm my own grandpaw
I'm my own grandpaw
Songwriters: LATHAM DWIGHT B / JAFFE MOE
I'm My Own Grandpa lyrics © Colgems-emi Music Inc., COLGEMS EMI MUSIC INC, COLGEMS-EMI MUSIC INC, GENERAL MUSIC PUBLISHING CO., INC.
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law and really changed my life
For now my daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife
And to complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad
And so he became my uncle though it mad me very sad
For if he were my uncle that would also made him brother
Of the widows grown-up daughter who was of course my stepmother
Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild for he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue
Because although she is my wife she's my grandmother two
Now if my wife is my grandmother then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it, nearly drives me wild
'Cause now I have become the strangest case you ever saw
As husband of my grandmother I am my own grandpaw
Oh I'm my own grandpaw
I'm my own grandpaw
It sounds funny I know but it really is so
I'm my own grandpaw
(Listen to this now)
I'm my own grandpaw
I'm my own grandpaw
I'm my own grandpaw
Songwriters: LATHAM DWIGHT B / JAFFE MOE
I'm My Own Grandpa lyrics © Colgems-emi Music Inc., COLGEMS EMI MUSIC INC, COLGEMS-EMI MUSIC INC, GENERAL MUSIC PUBLISHING CO., INC.
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Memento
Your (Somewhat) Friendly Neighborhood Authoress.
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