LEGEND Dumbass of the Day

[LazyWinker]

Dumbass-ception. A dumbass within a dumbass...?
View attachment 5928

anyone else think of an actual backhoe when they saw his username?

 

[Prime Time]

He still has room to tattoo idiot on his forehead

Vacuum Fail

Yellow parking lines are overrated

Gas fail

He should have bought tree insurance

I'm guessing that boat doesn't belong to an English teacher

America needs squirrel control

What could possibly go wrong?

Old people should not be allowed to use technology

You might want to look left

 

[LazyWinker]

One time I was driving through the hills of West Virginia and was behind a small pickup truck. Two people were in the bed looking at me. One was a curvy lady (I mean fat, I know some posters get frustrated when fat ladies claim to be curvy) the other was just a dude. The lady was sticking her head under her tee shirt and I was thinking what is she doing. Turns out she was lighting a cigarette under her shirt.

 

[Prime Time]

http://www.tmz.com/2015/04/13/justi...hella-chokehold-security-drake-concert-video/

• 

JUSTIN BIEBER
PLACED IN CHOKEHOLD AND BOOTED FROM COACHELLA
Singer Threatens Legal Action

Justin Bieber was kicked out of Coachella Sunday night, but not before he was placed in a chokehold ... TMZ has learned.

Bieber and his entourage walked to the artist's entrance where Drake was performing, when they were stopped by security and told the area was at capacity and they couldn't come in. Bieber and his crew showed security they had the proper wristbands to gain entry.

Eyewitnesses tell TMZ, Bieber argued with security, saying there was no way he could stand in a big crowd because he'd get bombarded by fans. Security wasn't having it and told him to leave.

We're told Bieber persisted and said he was personally invited by Drake and had been waiting all weekend to see him perform. Bieber didn't stand down and security was pissed.

At that point a Coachella staffer came up to Bieber and said she would escort him inside the artist's area. She grabbed Bieber by the arm and began walking him and his security team inside, when Coachella security came up from behind and put Bieber in a chokehold.

We're told Bieber's team got into it with security and the singer was then ordered to leave the festival.

Sources close to Bieber say he voluntarily left, and they're considering taking legal action against the security guards.

 

[Prime Time]

http://www.clickorlando.com/news/fl...alking-nuisance-squirrels-police-say/32336488

Florida man warned about stalking nuisance squirrels, police say
Melbourne police say man killed 1 animal

MELBOURNE, Fla. -
Melbourne police warned a resident not to stalk or hunt nuisance squirrels after he killed at least one of the scurrying creatures before taking a request to eliminate another from a neighbor.

Police received calls about 10 a.m. Sunday concerning a man with a BB gun walking in the area of St. Marks Avenue, just south of Parkway Drive. The man told police he believed the squirrels were a growing nuisance in the area, officers said.

"It's not a call that we usually deal with. He had a problem with squirrels in his yard, and he had exterminated one, and his neighbor also had a problem with one," Melbourne police spokesman Pete Mercaldo said. "The neighbors were complaining about seeing him with a BB gun."

It was not immediately known how many squirrels the man -- identified by police as the president of the neighborhood association for the area -- had killed.

"We gave him a warning and told him that next time, use a professional service," Mercaldo said. "He may have been under the impression that if the squirrels were a nuisance on your property that you could take care of it. There are laws that govern these things, and he agreed with that."

Police said officers did not believe there was any malice on the man's part.


View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FieGqyLJYHc

 

[Selassie I]

That squirrel story reminded me of my old landscaping guy.

He lives out in the country and has about 10 - 15 acres of property... most of it is just dense Florida scrub woods (uncleared).

I went out to this guy's place one evening. We were having a few beers out on his screened-in back porch. He's telling me about the trouble he's been having with racoons. Apparently they were terrorizing his cats and dogs and eating their food. He had a large concrete pad right outside of the porch where he would put all of his animals' food.

These coons would come out of the woods in pretty large groups like wild zombies and come right up to engulf all of the food within minutes. They weren't even deterred if people were standing out in the porch... they knew that they were totally safe UNLESS they heard the screen door open. When they heard the click of the screen door, they were back in the woods like lightening.

This old country boy was telling me all about this while we were out on the porch. He had tried countless times to open that door and shot the coons... he had yet to even kill one and he was HIGHLY PISSED about it.

I shit you not. After hearing about his frustrations with these coons... a pack of them came running out of the woods to eat his cats' food. They had no fear of me sitting less than 3 feet away... they were fearless unless they heard that door. Well,,, my friend runs inside the house and comes back out holding what looked like an M16. He proceeds to tell me that he has this thing rigged to fire like an automatic machine gun.

Then, to my surprise,,, and the coons'. This guy bypasses the step of opening the screen door this time. He walks right up to the screen only a few feet away from the feasting vermin... and proceeds to unload the entire banana clip through the screen. Holes everywhere were blasted through his nice porch. Multiple dead coons.

That was the last time I ever went over there. LOL

I laughed about that shit for days later.

 

[Dieter the Brock]

That squirrel story reminded me of my old landscaping guy.

He lives out in the country and has about 10 - 15 acres of property... most of it is just dense Florida scrub woods (uncleared).

I went out to this guy's place one evening. We were having a few beers out on his screened-in back porch. He's telling me about the trouble he's been having with racoons. Apparently they were terrorizing his cats and dogs and eating their food. He had a large concrete pad right outside of the porch where he would put all of his animals' food.

These coons would come out of the woods in pretty large groups like wild zombies and come right up to engulf all of the food within minutes. They weren't even deterred if people were standing out in the porch... they knew that they were totally safe UNLESS they heard the screen door open. When they heard the click of the screen door, they were back in the woods like lightening.

This old country boy was telling me all about this while we were out on the porch. He had tried countless times to open that door and shot the coons... he had yet to even kill one and he was HIGHLY PISSED about it.

I crap you not. After hearing about his frustrations with these coons... a pack of them came running out of the woods to eat his cats' food. They had no fear of me sitting less than 3 feet away... they were fearless unless they heard that door. Well,,, my friend runs inside the house and comes back out holding what looked like an M16. He proceeds to tell me that he has this thing rigged to fire like an automatic machine gun.

Then, to my surprise,,, and the coons'. This guy bypasses the step of opening the screen door this time. He walks right up to the screen only a few feet away from the feasting vermin... and proceeds to unload the entire banana clip through the screen. Holes everywhere were blasted through his nice porch. Multiple dead coons.

That was the last time I ever went over there. LOL

I laughed about that crap for days later.

Dude that is hilarious !!!! Hahahaahhaahab

 

[DR RAM]

Police said officers did not believe there was any malice on the man's part.

I bet the squirrel's would beg to differ.

 

[Memento]

Um, Janoris Jenkins anyone?

 

[LesBaker]

That squirrel story reminded me of my old landscaping guy.

He lives out in the country and has about 10 - 15 acres of property... most of it is just dense Florida scrub woods (uncleared).

I went out to this guy's place one evening. We were having a few beers out on his screened-in back porch. He's telling me about the trouble he's been having with racoons. Apparently they were terrorizing his cats and dogs and eating their food. He had a large concrete pad right outside of the porch where he would put all of his animals' food.

These coons would come out of the woods in pretty large groups like wild zombies and come right up to engulf all of the food within minutes. They weren't even deterred if people were standing out in the porch... they knew that they were totally safe UNLESS they heard the screen door open. When they heard the click of the screen door, they were back in the woods like lightening.

This old country boy was telling me all about this while we were out on the porch. He had tried countless times to open that door and shot the coons... he had yet to even kill one and he was HIGHLY PISSED about it.

I crap you not. After hearing about his frustrations with these coons... a pack of them came running out of the woods to eat his cats' food. They had no fear of me sitting less than 3 feet away... they were fearless unless they heard that door. Well,,, my friend runs inside the house and comes back out holding what looked like an M16. He proceeds to tell me that he has this thing rigged to fire like an automatic machine gun.

Then, to my surprise,,, and the coons'. This guy bypasses the step of opening the screen door this time. He walks right up to the screen only a few feet away from the feasting vermin... and proceeds to unload the entire banana clip through the screen. Holes everywhere were blasted through his nice porch. Multiple dead coons.

That was the last time I ever went over there. LOL

I laughed about that crap for days later.

I bet the raccoons never came back either lol.

 

[Dieter the Brock]

I bet the raccoons never came back either lol.

That story is still making me laugh

 

[Selassie I]

@Dieter the Brock and @LesBaker


Something funny about this Automatic Gun Shooting Yard-Ape.

He started selling raccoons to a small store in Sanford, FL soon after this. They were dead of course. Apparently there are those who like the taste of fresh coon.

The funny thing was... he had to make sure the coons still had their Hands (feet) attached or the place wouldn't buy em from him. The reason for this was that people had sold them cats in the past and said that they were coons. If the feet were still there... then there was not doubt if it was really a coon. The customers got wise to the cats..... think about that.

 

[Prime Time]

the taste of fresh coon.

 

[LesBaker]

@Dieter the Brock and @LesBaker


Something funny about this Automatic Gun Shooting Yard-Ape.

He started selling raccoons to a small store in Sanford, FL soon after this. They were dead of course. Apparently there are those who like the taste of fresh coon.

The funny thing was... he had to make sure the coons still had their Hands (feet) attached or the place wouldn't buy em from him. The reason for this was that people had sold them cats in the past and said that they were coons. If the feet were still there... then there was not doubt if it was really a coon. The customers got wise to the cats..... think about that.

I wish I didn't know that!

 

[Prime Time]

http://www.1079thelink.com/bobandsheri/heard/2015/04/14/moron-of-the-day-4-14-15

A Florida man is facing a battery charge for allegedly throwing a Snickers candy bar at the head of a bus driver during an on-board confrontation, police report.

The Snickers--thrown by Joel Parker, 33--hit a Sunshine Bus Company employee in the head as he drove Wednesday morning through St. Johns County in northeastern Florida.

According to a police report, Parker was disruptive and threatened the driver before reaching his stop. As he exited the bus, Parker winged the Snickers at the driver.

The driver was not injured in the nougaty attack.

Seen in the above mug shot, Parker was subsequently apprehended by cops and charged with misdemeanor battery. He spent about 10 hours in custody before posting $250 bond.

Posted by: Smoking Gun

Bye England, Hello London..(!)

Good Idea To Charge Your Phone In The Microwave

18 Months For Twins?

Statue Of Libe…Eiffel..?

Pre Google Maps

Find 5 Errors

 

[Prime Time]

http://pittsburgh.cbslocal.com/2015/04/16/police-woman-blames-coffee-drinking-parrot-for-car-crash/

Police: Woman Blames Coffee-Drinking Parrot For Car Crash

UNIONTOWN, Pa. (AP) – State police say a woman blames her coffee-drinking pet parrot for distracting her moments before she crashed her car into a guardrail in Pennsylvania.

Troopers from Uniontown say the 35-year-old woman was driving on a South Union Township road just before 5 p.m. Tuesday when she noticed the bird pecking at the lid of her coffee cup. The woman says she struck the guardrail when she glanced down to see what the bird was doing.

The woman told police that the bird likes to drink coffee – and they also found bird seed in a cup holder next to the coffee and a few feathers nearby.

Police say the woman broke her arm and had facial cuts because her air bag deployed.

The bird was safely removed from the vehicle.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/worlds-dumbest-counterfeiter-897601

Craigslist Ads Sink Moronic Counterfeiter
Feds: Man, 20, offered "Legit counterfeit $$"

APRIL 14--A 20-year-old man who allegedly manufactured phony $20 bills in his Florida bedroom is facing federal charges after investigators were

tipped to a Craigslist ad he placed offering “Legit counterfeit $$,” according to court records.

Tony Torbert is accused of running his counterfeiting operation from his family’s Merritt Island home, where agents last week seized an HP inkjet printer Torbert said he used to create the fake bills.

When investigators arrested Torbert, he said, “I’m gonna go ahead and make it easy on you guys. The printer is in my bedroom,” according to a U.S. District Court complaint.

Seen above, Torbert told agents that he worked alone and had been making counterfeit currency “since he was in high school.” Torbert estimated that he had produced $20,000 in phony bills over the past few months.

Investigators allege that Torbert sought to move his fake paper via Craigslist posts advertising “Legit counterfeit $$. Serious customers only contact me.” Along with his phone number, Torbert noted that the the lowest price he could offer was $1500 for $5000 in fake currency.

After being tipped to the Craigslist ads, police arranged a series of buys from Torbert, who sold an undercover detective counterfeit bills, black tar heroin, and marijuana. The cop’s first buy from Torbert occurred in the parking lot of a church directly across the street from Torbert’s home. During a subsequent meeting, Torbert asked the undercover agent whether he could obtain a gun for him.

In addition to hand-to-hand transactions, Torbert was apparently eying an online business expansion. In a January post to Reddit’s “Money" subreddit, he asked, “Can anyone help me get to the dark web or black market reloaded will pay cash.” He included the same cell phone number that was listed in the Craigslist ads. Black Market Reloaded was one of several popular marketplaces on the so-called dark web, where narcotics, weapons, counterfeit currency, fake IDs, and other illegal items were sold by vendors.

Torbert, who has the word “Blessed” tattooed across his chest and neck, is free in advance of trial on felony counterfeiting and narcotics distribution charges (prosecutors did not seek his detention). He has been ordered to continue residing with his parents.

 

[Prime Time]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/smartphone-debate-ends-with-stabbings-908541

Smartphone Debate Ends With Stabbings
Apple vs. Android argument turned violent, police report

A drunken argument over whether Android or Apple smartphones were superior turned violent early today when two Oklahoma roommates

began assaulting each other during the bloody telecommunications debate.

According to Tulsa police, Jiaro Mendez and Elias Acevedo were outside their apartment around 1 AM when their phone quarrel moved to the stabbing stage.

As they tussled in a parking lot, Acevedo allegedly struck Mendez in the back of the head with a beer bottle. When cops subsequently apprehended Acevedo, he was “covered in blood” and “also had several lacerations on his body from the fight.”

Both men were treated for cuts and bruises at a local hospital, where Mendez told police that the pair had been “arguing about which phone was better, the iPhone or the Android.”

Acevedo, pictured above, was booked into the county jail for felony assault with a deadly weapon. Acevedo, 21, is being held without bond, while an Immigration and Customs Enforcement hold has also been placed on him, according to jail records.

Investigators did not disclose which of the men was the Apple fanboy or the Android devotee.

 

[snackdaddy]

Good thing they didn't get into a "Less filling" or "Tastes better" debate. Those can get really violent.

 

[Dieter the Brock]

 

[LazyWinker]

View attachment 6061

Are those Momma Wilson's feet?