So lettuce discuss getting married

[Mackeyser]

@Mackeyser: all of that is good advice, thanks for taking the time and writing out a detailed response. i've already come to terms that the biggest expenses will be the dress and venue. but in no way am i under-estimating the small things. you hit the nail on the head with the flowers, those can be quite pricey. same goes for the wedding pictures. i'm baffled each and every time i see what type of tab people can run up for just those two "small" things.

Oh, you're welcome.

One last thing...

Don't overdo the excursions on the honeymoon. Some folks plan their honeymoon out the wazoo like it's a tour. Bad idea. You really want the idea for there to be the OPTION to do things, but you also want the option for uninterrupted naked time without feeling bad that you paid for umpteen excursions... I know one guy who absolutely HATED his honeymoon as did his wife when they both were really excited about it before hand because they had planned all these really exciting things to do. Once they got there, all they wanted to do was be naked and married... you know... pretty simple stuff really. But, because they'd paid out the nose for all these really awesome excursions, they went on them and were so exhausted doing all that stuff, they barely had any naked time at all and they left their honeymoon actually disappointed even though everything went according to plan. They ended up planning a great vacation, not a honeymoon and there's a really big difference. Keep that in mind.

 

[IowaRam]

So how did you fellas meet your better half's ?

 

[TXRams86]

So how did you fellas meet your better half's ?

me and the fiancee actually met in college.
she's since graduated but we had a class together, shared the same major and had a lot of similar interests.
i joke with her that she knew what she was doing when she deliberately sat next to me when there were plenty of seats available.

she tells a different story when we tell people how we met.
her version says that I was the one who sat next to her.
i'm always early to places, she's always late..that story doesn't fly much if they know her, haha.

 

[RhodyRams]

wifey and I were fixed up on a blind date. We were introduced after a pick up softball game with a bunch of friends. I told her I would offer her a beer, but the one I had was my last one. She said, thanks I'll just drink yours, grabbed it from my hand and guzzled it down.That was 30 years ago this August

KEEPER

 

[RamFan503]

So how did you fellas meet your better half's ?

Similar to @RhodyRams My wife was a friend of one of my softball teammate's girlfriend. They used to go to The Graduate (a nightclub chain in CA) every Thursday night. My friends and her friends set us up without telling us by inviting us to a get together at the club. She had a BF and I had a GF at the time but mine wasn't there and hers was sitting with friends and didn't dance. I had the nerve to ask her to dance before the National Anthem played. I had no idea that was totally taboo. So after she shut me down the first time, I asked her after the NA played.

At one point her BF came over to us and told her he was wanting to go somewhere else. She just pretty much told him to go ahead and she'd be just fine. He tried doing the walk past me while throwing a shoulder. Didn't work out too well as he almost fell backward over a table. Douche.

We ended up closing the place down and then broke it off with our others the next day. I was her hero that night too as she had locked her keys in the car and I knew how to break into it. That was also 30 years ago August.

I will try to post a pic sometime of how Becky dressed and her hair "style" back then. Let's just say it was VERY 80s.

 

[-X-]

This is my PSA

Go to a justice of the peace, or the courthouse, and do it for $200.00. Then take the $10-20K you would have spent on a glorified party for other people, and put it down on a house or buy a car.

"But it's our special day!"

C'mon. Be practical.

I sold my convertible Trans Am (last one made) for $20K to fund my wedding. That was stupid. I mean, I'm still married, and things are great, but that wedding and reception weren't so memorable that they justified spending that much money. And nobody who was invited could give a spit about that event today. Meanwhile, I could have bought 4 or 5 acres of land that would have tripled in value by today.

Use ya head.

 

[Rynie]

Good luck, man! I hope all goes well!

 

[beej]

I let my wife concentrate on planning the wedding. I concentrated on the marriage. It worked out well.

 

[snackdaddy]

One important statistic to keep in mind. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

 

[cracengl]

It sucks. I've been married almost 2 years. We had already lived together a few years and were raising her son together. I had a big deal of complacency about the whole thing because of that. It was just hard to get into spending so much money for what seemed unnecessary. It all went down fine, but there were some annoyances along the way, like her insisting to bring her photographer buddies from here in GA to IL for the wedding. So we put these people up in a hotel and then the tab on the pictures was something like $1800. Oh and that was just to have them take the pics and get a cd of them, no actual prints. It still pisses me off today. I fucking hate pictures anyway. They want you to be all smiley and then you're standing there trying to smile and every frigging time you think you've held it long enough, you hear the click right after. Needless to say most of my pics seemed to show me as unhappy on the happiest day of my life because the expensive photographers wouldn't just press the damn button.

 

[Ozoneranger]

We were married way back in 1981. We had a traditional wedding paid for by my ILs (200 guests). From what I understand, it cost about 16k which is around 43k in today's dollars. Everything was outsourced, which of course added to the great expense. It went perfectly except for the weather. It was the hottest day of the year, over 103. The church was a 125 year old building in downtown San Jose. That's right, no AC. The heat was analogous to our marriage, which lasted 33 wonderful years, ending by my wife's death last year. As the groom back in those days, I was merely a potted plant, there to be seen and not heard. Or maybe that's how everyone looked at a clueless 21 year old back in 81.

When my daughter got married in 2012, they had a strict budget. Financed mostly by us and my SIL's parents (divorced). We did almost all the legwork, food, decorations, etc to keep expenses down. The setting was a gorgeous B&B in a forest outside Bonny Doon, Ca. I think that's the way it's done these days. The cost was 2/3rds less than ours.

Looking back,while we had a beautiful wedding, my wife and I agreed that if we had it over again, we would have just flown the immediate family to Hawaii and had a small ceremony there and held a backyard reception at a later date. Being all frugal by nature, we just didn't see the point in a traditional-and expensive- one day party. I know this- if I go through the nuptials again, that's how I will do it. Daughter #2 feels the same.

 

[Ozoneranger]

So how did you fellas meet your better half's ?

Met at a church summer dance just after I moved to San Jose. She asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance later...we were 16 years old and hooked.

 

[yrba1]

Marriage is a flawed institution that looks to make a quick cash grab out of a couple's love. Same applies for divorces nowadays. It's like pharmaceutical companies: peer pressure is a common occurrence from doctors into getting you dependent on meds. The wedding and divorce industry also gets into a circlejerk with Hollywood and the fashion industry to make people feel that they have to buy these elaborate props and services.

Ultimately I'm grateful for having the ability to make choices with what we want to do in our lives. I have lots of respect for those who maintain the good name of marriage. I just don't believe it's required be in love with someone.

 

[-X-]

It sucks. I've been married almost 2 years. We had already lived together a few years and were raising her son together. I had a big deal of complacency about the whole thing because of that. It was just hard to get into spending so much money for what seemed unnecessary. It all went down fine, but there were some annoyances along the way, like her insisting to bring her photographer buddies from here in GA to IL for the wedding. So we put these people up in a hotel and then the tab on the pictures was something like $1800. Oh and that was just to have them take the pics and get a cd of them, no actual prints. It still pisses me off today. I freaking hate pictures anyway. They want you to be all smiley and then you're standing there trying to smile and every frigging time you think you've held it long enough, you hear the click right after. Needless to say most of my pics seemed to show me as unhappy on the happiest day of my life because the expensive photographers wouldn't just press the damn button.

I hate having my picture taken too. So annoying.

We hired a photographer who was given explicit instructions to never ask anyone to pose or smile. His job was to blend into the background and take photos of people in their natural state. If they were smiling, take a picture. If they were looking at someone fondly, take a picture of that. I'm tellin' ya. Some of the best pictures I've ever seen came from this guy. The lighting was perfect, nobody made the "duck face", and all of his angles were dead-on. I might dig some of them up and post them here later. The black-n-white shots he gave us were brilliant too.

 

[Tron]

I never wanted to get married because I don't believe in involving the government into my personal affairs like that..but none the less I had to. Me and my wife flew from Israel to Cypress and got married by ourselves with no family or friends, which is how I wanted it. It kinda sucked cause at the airport leaving Israel they told me I wasn't allowed back in the country because I hadnt re-upped my visa so after we got married my wife flew back to israel and I flew to Germany to stay with a friend while I worked everything out. Took a few weeks and I kind of went back before everything was clear so had to be interrogated for a few hours by a butch Israeli in a small room lol. Eventually my sob story broke her enough and they let me back in.

*Met my wife on an online MMO.

 

[bluecoconuts]

Marriage is a flawed institution that looks to make a quick cash grab out of a couple's love. Same applies for divorces nowadays. It's like pharmaceutical companies: peer pressure is a common occurrence from doctors into getting you dependent on meds. The wedding and divorce industry also gets into a circlejerk with Hollywood and the fashion industry to make people feel that they have to buy these elaborate props and services.

Ultimately I'm grateful for having the ability to make choices with what we want to do in our lives. I have lots of respect for those who maintain the good name of marriage. I just don't believe it's required be in love with someone.

Engagement rings were literally invented in the 20's to make diamond companies money. Diamonds were never that expensive, and they started making posters that essentially said if you didn't get your girl an expensive diamond ring to signify your love and your worth to her you weren't a real man. Put out a big advertisement campaign and guys fell for it hook line and sinker. So thank your great great grandfathers for needing to spend thousands of dollars on a stupid shiny rock to prove your love to someone.

 

[IowaRam]

I was going to add to this thread a couple days ago about the cost of our wedding , but didn't have the time , and it's probably a good thing I didn't , for I was thinking we got off pretty cheap , but then I mentioned this thread to my wife , and apparently , after 26 years , I had forgotten a few things ,

We had a very traditional church wedding , about a 100 people , and then for our reception , we rented the upstairs to our Legion Hall , which in a small town like ours , was pretty cheap , and as far as catering the food , our churches women's circle , prepared and served our food at not cost , ( although there was a little donation to the church afterwards ) we just had to supply the food it's self , we did have to pay for the decorations , which was mostly flowers and stuff , but pretty modest , and the photographer , but over all , I thought we got off pretty cheap

I should also mention that her parents and my parents paid for most of it

But then I was reminded that I forgot a couple things , big things actually , first was the wedding invitations , but the one I could not believe I forgot was my wife's dress , that thing wasn't cheap !!!! , plus we had three bridesmaids , and they helped pay for like half of the cost of their dresses , just never felt right to ask her friends to be in the wedding , and make them pay for their own dresses , but my wife's parent's paid for those

So actually , our wedding did cost a lot more then I remembered , but I should also point out , we made out like bandits in wedding gifts ,

We've been together for 31 years , and married for 26 years

 

[Elmgrovegnome]

My wife and I went to the Magistrate and it was the best thing we could have done. We saved a Shipload of money and time planning. I was 38 and she was 30 and divorced. We both knew what we wanted and were very happy with our decision.

We have had ten great years so far and plan on many many more.

 

[HX76]

I got married on the beach in Maui, the reception was at the Kapalua golf club. Two and a half years later I was divorced. Bizarrely I found out on Saturday she is moving back to where I live in England, which is a tad strange as she moaned about it when we were together. Now I'll be on the lookout every time I go out, just my luck. Wish she'd fuck off if I'm honest, although if one of you kind Americans wants to sponsor me to move there I'll happily come over and get away from her that way!

Anyway, I'm sure you'll have a much more positive experience than I did and wish you all the best with it.