- Joined
- Aug 13, 2016
- Messages
- 1,114
- Name
- Joe
Hey Ramly,
Long time no talk! I've been away because my grandma has been in the hospital for what seemed like eternity.
She contracted a weird virus called "C-Diff". It doesn't usually affect people SEVERELY unless you're young or old and fragile. Long story short, what was supposed to be a few weeks turned into months... those months went from bad to worse. She ended up being put on a breathing machine for the past 3 weeks... but she kept failing.
Today was the day that we unhooked all of her machines, gave her some morphine and let her pass peacefully on her own.
It sounds nice... and I was preparing for this for months... This whole weekend I spent day and night with her, talking about everything, the past... what her and I used to do, what she taught me in life... She never could speak back but I knew she was listening.
Today, D-Day, I went in 2 hours earlier than normal... and she had her eyes open! (it's been weeks since she did that). I was so excited, I had to take advantage. I played all of her old favorite songs, even song and dance music like Fred Astaire... all while brushing her hair, gazing into her eyes, seeing her look back at me. Knowing, by her eyes that she was happy at that moment. A moment with her and her grandson, listening to oldies together and talking about life like we used to
She couldn't speak, she could barely move the ends of her mouth... but everytime I talked about us, how much she meant to me, her love, her guidance... she would close her mouth and crack a toothless smile! (or attempted to).
It was good. It was peaceful and fulfilling.
But no matter how much I planned for months for this... no matter how many hours I spent with her just her and I... nothing could prepare me for that moment.
The moment where they take all of the machines off, unhook her mask... let her breath on her own until her ultimate moment.
I said I was strong, and I wouldn't break down. But damnit, this is my grandma... my mom most of the time... the person that never faulted me, never looked down on me, and always wanted to see me happy. My best friend.
That moment, when I was holding her hand, and her breaths kept getting shallower and shallower... her heartbeats slowing down... all culminating into that final moment... the moment where you see the line go flat.... and the constant buzzing sound with no beat... the flatline. Nothing could prepare me for that emotion freight train. It hit me hard.
My grandma, my best friend is gone.
I don't know why I'm posting this... maybe to vent, maybe just to get it out for some closure... I just couldn't write this on facebook.
RIP Grandma (Shirley Lain). I love you so much.
Does anyone have any books or songs that they read or listen to in times like this?
Thanks!
Love you all,
- Joe
Long time no talk! I've been away because my grandma has been in the hospital for what seemed like eternity.
She contracted a weird virus called "C-Diff". It doesn't usually affect people SEVERELY unless you're young or old and fragile. Long story short, what was supposed to be a few weeks turned into months... those months went from bad to worse. She ended up being put on a breathing machine for the past 3 weeks... but she kept failing.
Today was the day that we unhooked all of her machines, gave her some morphine and let her pass peacefully on her own.
It sounds nice... and I was preparing for this for months... This whole weekend I spent day and night with her, talking about everything, the past... what her and I used to do, what she taught me in life... She never could speak back but I knew she was listening.
Today, D-Day, I went in 2 hours earlier than normal... and she had her eyes open! (it's been weeks since she did that). I was so excited, I had to take advantage. I played all of her old favorite songs, even song and dance music like Fred Astaire... all while brushing her hair, gazing into her eyes, seeing her look back at me. Knowing, by her eyes that she was happy at that moment. A moment with her and her grandson, listening to oldies together and talking about life like we used to
She couldn't speak, she could barely move the ends of her mouth... but everytime I talked about us, how much she meant to me, her love, her guidance... she would close her mouth and crack a toothless smile! (or attempted to).
It was good. It was peaceful and fulfilling.
But no matter how much I planned for months for this... no matter how many hours I spent with her just her and I... nothing could prepare me for that moment.
The moment where they take all of the machines off, unhook her mask... let her breath on her own until her ultimate moment.
I said I was strong, and I wouldn't break down. But damnit, this is my grandma... my mom most of the time... the person that never faulted me, never looked down on me, and always wanted to see me happy. My best friend.
That moment, when I was holding her hand, and her breaths kept getting shallower and shallower... her heartbeats slowing down... all culminating into that final moment... the moment where you see the line go flat.... and the constant buzzing sound with no beat... the flatline. Nothing could prepare me for that emotion freight train. It hit me hard.
My grandma, my best friend is gone.
I don't know why I'm posting this... maybe to vent, maybe just to get it out for some closure... I just couldn't write this on facebook.
RIP Grandma (Shirley Lain). I love you so much.
Does anyone have any books or songs that they read or listen to in times like this?
Thanks!
Love you all,
- Joe
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