NFL team/mascot battle royale

[ramsplaya16]

WARNING: this thread will be useless, and unproductive, but it will be fun and will waste your time... If you continue reading, don't say i didn't warn you.

So at work today some co-workers and myself got to talking football, and the question popped in my head, if all the NFL teams mascots were to have a battle royale, which would come out on top...Now to make it fair we were thinking to add some stipulations in so that it could be fair (so the jets couldn't just shoot missiles at everyone) Now the way we thought about it, was that each team was represented by whatever their name is, and if you couldn't tell by that (IE: the Browns, Steelers, Chargers, ETC) then we would resort to whatever their mascot is...

So just for fun here is what we came up with, plus the stipulations... The main stipulation though was that there was only going to be one of each, IE not a band of vikings or raiders, just one...

So think of it as a hunger games style of arena, all mascots are dropped into a bubble and can stay around the elements that they have to in order to survive...

NFC WEST:
LA Rams: Obviously would just be a Ram.
Arizona Cardinals: A stupid useless cardinal, would be the first eliminated more than likely.
Seattle Seahawks: See above, although i could see a Seahawk doing more damage than a cardinal
SF Whiners: Would be a Miner with a pickaxe

NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys : Simply just a cowboy, with a 6 shooter and no spare ammo.
New York Giants : To make this one fair, we simply made him more realistic, Andre the Giant size
Philadelphia Eagles: Yet another bird, although probably the most powerful of the birds
Washington Redskins: An Indian with a bow and arrow or other native american weaponry

NFC North
Chicago Bears: A full grown grizzly bear
Detroit Lions : A full grown Male lion
Green Bay Packers: Literally nothing, no mascot, automatic DC lol.
Minnesota Vikings: One fierce viking, armed with sword and shield among other blunt weapons.

NFC South
Atlanta Falcons: Yet another bird
Carolina Panthers: A full grown black panther
New Orleans Saints: Haven't really figured this one out, possibly the pope? lol
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Just one singular pirate, armed with a blunderbuss or other weapon, what the heck we'll even give him a ship lol.

AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills: One adult full grown American Blue Buffalo
Miami Dolphins: One adult Dolphin, maybe he could take out the buccaneer? lol
New England Patriots: One revolutionary war patriot, armed with a sword and musket.
New York Jets: The most difficult one, but a fighter jet only armed with 2 missiles and limited fuel, but is allowed to eject and fight hand to hand afterwards. lmao

AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens : I'm so tired of birds
Cincinnati Bengals : One full grown bengal tiger
Cleveland Browns : A bull Mastiff
Pittsburgh Steelers: A steel worker armed with welding tools


AFC South
Houston Texans : a full grown bull
Indianapolis Colts: Just a horse, cooler because its blue? lol
Jacksonville Jaguars: An adult Jaguar
Tennessee Titans: Another tough one, we made him the same as the Giant, but armed with a sword and shield.

AFC WEST
Denver Broncos: Another horse, pretty basic
Kansas City Chiefs: An Indian chief, just like the redskin, same weapons.
Los Angeles Chargers: I guess just a lightning bold shaped guy that charges people?
Oakland Raiders: A crazy, psycho raider lol.

i just wanted to see what y'all thought, as dumb as this was, we talked about it for a while and was quite amusing (love government work, lots of free time lol) like i said, stupid and unproductive, but it was damn funny to go through all the scenarios.

 

[Florida_Ram]

 

[RhodyRams]

you are 100% correct...totally useless thread

I love it

NFCW

The seahawk takes out the Cardinal in one fell swoop, while the Rams butts the niner off the side off Gold mountain.

The seahawk soars in to attack the ram, but the ram head butts him into a tree, breaking his back


NFCW champion...Ram

 

[ramsplaya16]

you are 100% correct...totally useless thread

I love it

NFCW

The seahawk takes out the Cardinal in one fell swoop, while the Rams butts the niner off the side off Gold mountain.

The seahawk soars in to attack the ram, but the ram head butts him into a tree, breaking his back


NFCW champion...Ram

I can dig it!!!!

 

[Angry Ram]

In the useless thread, let's think about this logically.

The teams with birds would just hover around the top of the ring. It would be the Eagle. Falcons are too small, a shitbird isn't even real, a Cardinal and Raven would be destroyed immediately.

But then the Eagle would just be crushed by either a Giant or Titan reaching up with one hand and pulling them out of the sky.

BUT....the biggest mascots are slow and not very nimble. So the finesse felines of Panther and Jaguar would run circles around the big men. Plus the Panther and Jaguar can easily climb the Giant and Titan and bite the jugular.

Upon descending, the ranged Cowboy, Buc, Patriot, Redskin, and Chief will pick off the Jaguar and Panther. However, there is a flaw in their weaponry. In the chaos, the Cowboy has only 6 shots to make, accurately, if he runs out he's toast. The Buc must be close to effectively use the blunderbuss His ship is up in the air trading cannon shots with the Jet. However, the crossfire takes out both vessels. The Patriot's musket takes too long to reload, and is destroyed from behind by the Viking's sword. Meanwhile, the Redskin and Chief also face similar reload issues with their bow and arrows, and are easily dispatched by the Raider.

Elimination thus far (in order): Cardinal, Raven, Falcon, Eagle, Giant, Titan, Panther, Jaguar, Buc, Jet, Patriot, Redskin, Chief. N/a: shitbird b/c there is no such thing.

This is the moment of every fans dream: Viking vs. Raider. The two go toe-to-toe, but soon realize they make a formidable tag team and go on to destroy the comical 49er, Saint, Dolphin, and Packer (who is just a packing factory worker). Upon pompously celebrating, the Viking tries to pump up the audience, and turns his back on the Raider and is immediately eliminated. While the Raider is laughing it up, the Ram headbutts him outta there.

Next elimination order: 49er, Saint, Dolphin, Packer, Viking, Raider.

The American Blue Buffalo Bill and the bull of Houston literally had their horns locked on each other since the beginning. The Bull of Houston shows off its strength and flips the Buffalo on it's side and immediately gores it to death and then proceeds to gore the bucking Bronco. The Ram continues to headbutt on out Bulldog, Colt, the Steeler, Charger (showing what a real charge is like) and Cowboy (who is completely out of ammo at this point).

Next elimination order: Bill, Bronco, Bulldog, Colt, Steeler, Charger, Cowboy.

The Lion, Bengal, and Bear take on their animal instincts, unify and defeat the Bull of Houston. The three set their sites on the last remaining ungulate, the Ram and sadly end the valiant effort.

Next elimination order: Bull, Ram.

And the final three. Bear, Bengal, Lion.

The Bear being the tank, but not mobile. Together, Bengal and Lion come in from opposite sides and take Bear down.

Bear eliminated.

Final two....Lion vs. Bengal Tiger. Who shall prevail???!?!?!

Unfortunately, Cincinnati chose to be the BENGAL tiger and not the SIBERIAN tiger, the stronger of the species. Thus, being out-muscled, the Lion dispatches the Bengal and is declared champion.

Battle Royal winner: LION.

 

[551staaa]

If the Steeler guy can escape the Jet, an arc welder could do a lot of damage to a lot of different things. How do they make cereal?

 

[Legatron4]

In the useless thread, let's think about this logically.

The teams with birds would just hover around the top of the ring. It would be the Eagle. Falcons are too small, a shitbird isn't even real, a Cardinal and Raven would be destroyed immediately.

But then the Eagle would just be crushed by either a Giant or Titan reaching up with one hand and pulling them out of the sky.

BUT....the biggest mascots are slow and not very nimble. So the finesse felines of Panther and Jaguar would run circles around the big men. Plus the Panther and Jaguar can easily climb the Giant and Titan and bite the jugular.

Upon descending, the ranged Cowboy, Buc, Patriot, Redskin, and Chief will pick off the Jaguar and Panther. However, there is a flaw in their weaponry. In the chaos, the Cowboy has only 6 shots to make, accurately, if he runs out he's toast. The Buc must be close to effectively use the blunderbuss His ship is up in the air trading cannon shots with the Jet. However, the crossfire takes out both vessels. The Patriot's musket takes too long to reload, and is destroyed from behind by the Viking's sword. Meanwhile, the Redskin and Chief also face similar reload issues with their bow and arrows, and are easily dispatched by the Raider.

Elimination thus far (in order): Cardinal, Raven, Falcon, Eagle, Giant, Titan, Panther, Jaguar, Buc, Jet, Patriot, Redskin, Chief. N/a: shitbird b/c there is no such thing.

This is the moment of every fans dream: Viking vs. Raider. The two go toe-to-toe, but soon realize they make a formidable tag team and go on to destroy the comical 49er, Saint, Dolphin, and Packer (who is just a packing factory worker). Upon pompously celebrating, the Viking tries to pump up the audience, and turns his back on the Raider and is immediately eliminated. While the Raider is laughing it up, the Ram headbutts him outta there.

Next elimination order: 49er, Saint, Dolphin, Packer, Viking, Raider.

The American Blue Buffalo Bill and the bull of Houston literally had their horns locked on each other since the beginning. The Bull of Houston shows off its strength and flips the Buffalo on it's side and immediately gores it to death and then proceeds to gore the bucking Bronco. The Ram continues to headbutt on out Bulldog, Colt, the Steeler, Charger (showing what a real charge is like) and Cowboy (who is completely out of ammo at this point).

Next elimination order: Bill, Bronco, Bulldog, Colt, Steeler, Charger, Cowboy.

The Lion, Bengal, and Bear take on their animal instincts, unify and defeat the Bull of Houston. The three set their sites on the last remaining ungulate, the Ram and sadly end the valiant effort.

Next elimination order: Bull, Ram.

And the final three. Bear, Bengal, Lion.

The Bear being the tank, but not mobile. Together, Bengal and Lion come in from opposite sides and take Bear down.

Bear eliminated.

Final two....Lion vs. Bengal Tiger. Who shall prevail???!?!?!

Unfortunately, Cincinnati chose to be the BENGAL tiger and not the SIBERIAN tiger, the stronger of the species. Thus, being out-muscled, the Lion dispatches the Bengal and is declared champion.

Battle Royal winner: LION.

I would pay to see this animated. Anyone?

 

[ramsplaya16]

If the Steeler guy can escape the Jet, an arc welder could do a lot of damage to a lot of different things. How do they make cereal?

That’s the whole thing about this, it can play out so many separate ways... what if the jet uses his only two missiles to take out the giant and the Titan? Then you have to take human intelligence into the equation and it changes everything

 

[FarNorth]

WARNING: this thread will be useless, and unproductive, but it will be fun and will waste your time... If you continue reading, don't say i didn't warn you.

So at work today some co-workers and myself got to talking football, and the question popped in my head, if all the NFL teams mascots were to have a battle royale, which would come out on top...Now to make it fair we were thinking to add some stipulations in so that it could be fair (so the jets couldn't just shoot missiles at everyone) Now the way we thought about it, was that each team was represented by whatever their name is, and if you couldn't tell by that (IE: the Browns, Steelers, Chargers, ETC) then we would resort to whatever their mascot is...

So just for fun here is what we came up with, plus the stipulations... The main stipulation though was that there was only going to be one of each, IE not a band of vikings or raiders, just one...

So think of it as a hunger games style of arena, all mascots are dropped into a bubble and can stay around the elements that they have to in order to survive...

NFC WEST:
LA Rams: Obviously would just be a Ram.
Arizona Cardinals: A stupid useless cardinal, would be the first eliminated more than likely.
Seattle Seahawks: See above, although i could see a Seahawk doing more damage than a cardinal
SF Whiners: Would be a Miner with a pickaxe

NFC EAST
Dallas Cowboys : Simply just a cowboy, with a 6 shooter and no spare ammo.
New York Giants : To make this one fair, we simply made him more realistic, Andre the Giant size
Philadelphia Eagles: Yet another bird, although probably the most powerful of the birds
Washington Redskins: An Indian with a bow and arrow or other native american weaponry

NFC North
Chicago Bears: A full grown grizzly bear
Detroit Lions : A full grown Male lion
Green Bay Packers: Literally nothing, no mascot, automatic DC lol.
Minnesota Vikings: One fierce viking, armed with sword and shield among other blunt weapons.

NFC South
Atlanta Falcons: Yet another bird
Carolina Panthers: A full grown black panther
New Orleans Saints: Haven't really figured this one out, possibly the pope? lol
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Just one singular pirate, armed with a blunderbuss or other weapon, what the heck we'll even give him a ship lol.

AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills: One adult full grown American Blue Buffalo
Miami Dolphins: One adult Dolphin, maybe he could take out the buccaneer? lol
New England Patriots: One revolutionary war patriot, armed with a sword and musket.
New York Jets: The most difficult one, but a fighter jet only armed with 2 missiles and limited fuel, but is allowed to eject and fight hand to hand afterwards. lmao

AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens : I'm so tired of birds
Cincinnati Bengals : One full grown bengal tiger
Cleveland Browns : A bull Mastiff
Pittsburgh Steelers: A steel worker armed with welding tools


AFC South
Houston Texans : a full grown bull
Indianapolis Colts: Just a horse, cooler because its blue? lol
Jacksonville Jaguars: An adult Jaguar
Tennessee Titans: Another tough one, we made him the same as the Giant, but armed with a sword and shield.

AFC WEST
Denver Broncos: Another horse, pretty basic
Kansas City Chiefs: An Indian chief, just like the redskin, same weapons.
Los Angeles Chargers: I guess just a lightning bold shaped guy that charges people?
Oakland Raiders: A crazy, psycho raider lol.

i just wanted to see what y'all thought, as dumb as this was, we talked about it for a while and was quite amusing (love government work, lots of free time lol) like i said, stupid and unproductive, but it was damn funny to go through all the scenarios.

What, more useless and unproductive fun? No, we've had enough of that already for two bye weeks. Let's be grim and serious and consider what happens if everything goes to hell.

 

[fearsomefour]

I think the bull mastiff should be replaced by the Browns namesake. Paul Brown.
"In tonight battle of NFL Mascot gladiator....it's a full grown Buffalo squaring off against....Paul Brown. Don't leave the tv for a second folks. This one might be over quickly."

 

[fearsomefour]

Also, the Packers should be a factory worker I guess.....
The have been disqualified.....

"It's a bold strategy Cotton...."

 

[Mikey Ram]

Also, the Packers should be a factory worker I guess.....
The have been disqualified.....

"It's a bold strategy Cotton...."

And he saves the entire thread with a Dodgeball reference !!!!

 

[ramsplaya16]

Also, the Packers should be a factory worker I guess.....
The have been disqualified.....

"It's a bold strategy Cotton...."

If the packer could apply the 5 D’s, he may have a chance !

 

[kurtfaulk]

.

Did that cheerleader have 2 belly buttons?

.

 

[ScotsRam]

If the packer could apply the 5 D’s, he may have a chance !

Usually you pay double for that kinda action.

 

[den-the-coach]

Well, at least the teams don't make up a mascott, like the North Carolina Tar Heels having a Ram and the Crimson Tide with a damn Elephant, sorry, Alabama needs to have a red wave and North Carolina, well, I guess the Ram is fine.

 

[SteezyEndo]

.

Did that cheerleader have 2 belly buttons?

.

Hmmmmm that either is a photoshop or a really bad appendix removal scar.

 

[DaveFan'51]

NFC North
Chicago Bears: A full grown grizzly bear
Detroit Lions : A full grown Male lion
Green Bay Packers: Literally nothing, no mascot, automatic DC lol.
Minnesota Vikings: One fierce viking, armed with sword and shield among other blunt weapons.

As far as the "Packers" are concerned there original names was the "MeatPackers" If that helps you come up with a mascot!

 

[kurtfaulk]

Haha. The more orifices i can stick my tongue in the better.

.