Bernie's last article (I'll miss you you fat tub of shit).
http://www.stltoday.com/sports/colu...a-a2a2-7e7bc644d21f.html#.VcbQsMpWJVo.twitter
Bernie: A lifelong dream has been fulfilled
I’ve been sitting here at my desk in the home office on a late Saturday afternoon, trying to calculate the number of columns I’ve written for the Post-Dispatch over the last 26 years. I’m stumped. It figures. Unless it had something to do with a box score, I’ve always struggled with the math.
By my rough estimate — if we count the online pieces and the sidebars and the occasional game story — I’d put the total near 8,000. If I include my bylines as a football beat writer here in the mid-1980s, I’m guessing the scoreboard would reach 10,000.
It’s 6 p.m. on this Saturday, my last day at the Post-Dispatch, and deadline is approaching, and the thing is, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if this is writer’s block, but I do know that my predicament is absurd. The prolific scribe who has authored 10,000 compositions of reputed sports literature cannot come up with words.
Where do I begin?
In my bedroom in my parents’ house. Really, that’s where it all started, this lifelong melding of the love of sports, the fondness for writing. The scene: a husky boy of 10, scribbling on loose sheets of notebook paper, his imagination afire, writing a story about the football game he’d just attended with his father. And after the boy was finished, having put the final block-letter sentence in place, he gathered the pages, put them in order, stapled them, and ran to his father to present the handwritten narrative.
“Here you go, Dad,” the boy would say. “I wrote the story about the Colts beating the Packers. I know how much you liked Johnny U.’s 51-yard touchdown pass, so I tried to do a good job of describing it for you.”
The father would read the pages, nodding and smiling. He’d tell the son it was good, and how much he enjoyed reading it. And that would be followed by a hug, or maybe a playful swipe of the boy’s mop of hair.
“Dad,” the boy would say every time, “when I grow up I want to be a sportswriter.”
Ten years later, the kid got a job at the Baltimore News American. Minimum wage, answering phones, taking scores, running to get the editors sandwiches and coffee, handling the complaints of angry readers, screwing up and getting hollered at by the grumpy men working the copy desk.
It was heaven. Just perfect: low wages, grunt work, pressure, terrible hours, grouchy co-workers, bad food, caffeine overload, irate callers, and the occasional invitation to tag along with the old sportswriters who were gods to him.
Eventually the newspaper gave this kid a chance to write a few roundup summaries of high school games (no byline) and he didn’t mess it up. (Whew.) And then came a chance to write a bylined story on hockey immortal Gordie Howe, and I managed to pull that off without an editor throwing the story in the wastebasket.
In late 1979, the newspaper offered me a full-time sportswriting job at age 20. The weekly pay was $218, and it seemed like all the money in the world.
I felt like a rich man at age 20, simply because I’d fulfilled my goal. I’d done it. The handwritten stories for my father led to this. I’d accomplished my goal. I worked hard, determined to make my way into the newspaper business. I was there. I worked hard. I believed in myself. That paycheck had my name on it.
A paying writing gig at age 20 for a big-city newspaper? I didn’t need anything else. Right then and there, I’d exceeded my hopes and dreams.
Whatever followed was a bonus.
I’m officially leaving the newspaper business after filing this column. I’m headed off on a new career, doing a morning-drive sports radio show for WXOS-FM in St. Louis, and writing columns for the station’s web site. I’m 56, and it’s a great time to stretch, evolve, set off on a new challenge, and prove myself on another media platform. Just like the kid did so long ago. With this opportunity I can do the two things I’ve come to love so much: sports broadcasting and sports writing, all in one place.
I’m excited. But I’m also sad. Because from the time that I began scratching out those stories for my Dad, all I ever wanted was to be a sportswriter for a newspaper. I was a lucky soul, a guy who lived his dream. I’ve never lost that feeling of wonderment; it’s coursed through me for 35 years, constantly replenishing my energy and morale.
I’m sad because I know I am giving up things that I cherish. I’m no longer Rick Hummel’s teammate, and it makes me want to cry. I’ll never be seated next to Derrick Goold, the best baseball writer in America, as we cover postseason Cardinals baseball. Those dramatic October days and nights were the most satisfying experiences of my career.
I’ll miss football Sundays with Jim Thomas — and the way we’d engage in a running dialogue during the entire game, loudly questioning play calls, with colleagues laughing at the two of us going off.
I’ll miss being irritated by my ornery friend Joe Strauss — who has a huge heart, even if he doesn’t want anyone to know. I’ll miss working with our hockey writer Jeremy Rutherford, the nicest person I’ve known during my career. I don’t have the space to thank all of my colleagues, but please know that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.
I’ve been blessed to spend nearly 30 of those 35 years at the Post-Dispatch. I had a never-ending adventure, walking into arenas and stadiums with a tingle of anticipation every time, because there was always a chance I’d witness something spectacular, something I’d never seen before. It was like going to the circus, every day. I didn’t have to grow up.
I’ll never adequately be able to thank you, the readers. Over the last two weeks when it was announced that I’d be leaving, many of you have roiled my emotions with your amazingly kind and generous emails. You’ve brought me to tears.
And really, that’s my payoff. I never gave a damn about winning awards, or impressing other sportswriters. I was proud to write for the great fans of St. Louis. I wanted to serve you, and if I gained your approval, that’s all I cared about. Because you took this out-of-towner in, you gave me a fair chance to earn your trust when I was a nobody, and you permitted me to become part of your lives.
Through it all you gave me your support and encouragement, and you tolerated my outbreaks of foolishness, and you offered criticism that pushed me to look inward and do better.
Our relationship doesn’t end here, but this a good time to pause and tell you how much you’ve meant to me.
I don’t believe sportswriters are important in the grand scheme of things. We save no lives, we protect no one from harm, we aren’t teaching children, we don’t take care of the sick or the aged, we don’t do research to find miracle cures for insidious diseases.
On a list of the critical jobs in a city’s culture, we’re probably at the bottom. But when I click open an email and see a message from you telling me that you’ve been reading me since you were 12, or that my work enhanced your enjoyment of sports, or that my columns motivated you to pursue a career in journalism, or that you clipped out a column and read it to a dying parent … my goodness, I’m just blown away.
That makes everything worth it. The deadline meltdowns, the long road trips away from home and loved ones, the lonely hotel rooms, the horrendous eating habits, getting mugged after a game in Philadelphia (that happened), being trapped in the upper deck of the ballpark when an earthquake hit the San Francisco Bay Area (that also happened).
It wasn’t in vain. Your messages have let me know that there was a purpose to this madness, and that our words had some value. This makes me happy. None of you had to write to me. We’re on this earth for a blip of time. Sportswriters come and go. Columns are written, they are read, they’re quickly forgotten, and then they become kitty litter or a cleaning surface for lake trout.
God gives us the precious gift of 86,400 seconds every day. And I’m eternally grateful that so many of you used a few of those seconds to reach out to me through these years, to give me your opinion, to offer praise, or to submit a sharp rebuke.
The humble origin of my newspaper career began in the late 1960s, when I presented my primitive-form sportswriting to my late father. And as I close this it’s occurred to me — in a way that really hits me — that I’ve been doing pretty much the same thing with you for nearly 30 years.
I wrote stories for my Dad, and he liked them even if they weren’t very good, and his encouragement gave a young boy the inspiration to follow his dream. That lad grew up, and he would write 10,000 columns and stories for you. And you’ve critiqued them, and appreciated them, and objected to them. But most of all you’ve read them.
I can no longer write for my late father, but I have had the special privilege of writing for you, and the reward is just as powerful. You see, for all of these years I’ve still been the boy in the bedroom, excitedly writing about games, and presenting my work to you.
I’m much older now, but some things never changed, including the enthusiasm for my work. I needed some help along the way, and you’ve kept me inspired, right down to this final sentence, because you’ve enhanced my life by preserving the beautiful and innocent dream of the boy in the bedroom who wanted to grow up and be a sportswriter.