Michael Sam

[Mackeyser]

Dieter. I'll keep it short.

Unless you are gay or have lived within the trusted circle of someone who is not out, you just can't understand the trauma and life shock that comes from even the threat of being outed. It means living an almost entirely different life. Gay people (I really mean that as the generic for the LGBT community) have literally killed themselves because they weren't prepared to deal with being outed.

Now, you and others may not understand that, but it's reality. Michael Sam wanted to give himself the very best chance to succeed in the NFL. By addressing his situation in a forthright and honest manner, HE got to be in charge of his story. He got to come out on HIS terms.

That's huge.

It wasn't about attention. It was never about attention. I know it's easy to think that whenever someone steps in front of a mic.

I may not ever be able to convince you of the veracity of what I'm saying, but know that I would never BS about this as this is too important to me. How that affects how you view what I'm saying, I dunno. Just know this is personal for me in a way that football can never be.

Edit: he did come out to his teammates at Mizzou. He held the press conference because it wasn't a secret at Mizzou and he wanted to start the next phase of his life in the open. He didn't want to go back in the closet and live in fear of being outed and then have to hope that he had the support of his teammates.

 

[Dieter the Brock]

I am a fan of Michael Sam
@Mackeyser, I hope he finds a team in the NFL or in the CFL soon. And let's his play dominate.

I'm just letting you know no matter how you cut it, but going in front of the mic, by signing with the handlers he did, by signing with Oprah, by considering Dancing with the Network Stars, he has not only sought that attention willfully, but has also become part of the media in which you seem to have vilified, with the suggestion that they, the media in general, were responsible for coming out the way he did (to the national media.) You can't have it all here. No cake and eating it too. And maybe that is the problem here with Michael Sam.

An important note is that I have colleagues that i have worked with for years that are gay and lesbian and work in the "media," either as artists, writers, filmmakers, critics, etc., and none of them to my knowledge have held a press conference to announce they are gay. That is not to say that their choice or lack there of to come out or not was any less traumatic -- i can fully understand and empathize how it can be traumatic and life changing -- but only that they handled their coming out much differently than Michael Sam due to circumstances.

For my friends their choice to "come out" was not done with the national spotlight and every sports reporter and other tabloid-esque news agency covering the event. So how I relate to this subject is from a personal point of view, cause all the gay and lesbian people I work with are happy and successful people - that is all I need to know about them. Sure they are gay, I can see that -- but what matters to me is that they are great people. And their struggle is on par with mine as a white heterosexual male, and they have never tried to take that away from me. My struggles and my personal demons. The best thing is that those struggles remain personal and we as friends remain professional. And if they weren't good at what they did I would not be working with them. That is how the real world works. It's a competitive place. And believe it or not it has nothing to do with your sexuality, if your ideas are better, you show up on time, and you get the work done well you get the gig.

So Michael Sam is in a professional environment. We both agree on that. The NFL is a huge platform and those that are gifted enough to participate in it garner lots of attention. ROD has a criminal blotter thread just to give you an example of what kinda spotlight there is. And in the course of wanting to play in the NFL and for whatever other circumstance Michael Sam personally felt the need to come out -- the fact is it was his choice to do so and a choice that involved breaking the news to ESPN and other sports and news media outlets.

Anyway, in his interview with ESPN Michael Sam stated he was not scared and those coming out should not be either. If his desire was to come out on his own terms he did. Well if that is the case, you can stop blaming the media for the fact he hasn't performed well enough on the field to deserve a permanent roster spot on an NFL team.

 

[Mackeyser]

Well, firstly, I think you have confused with someone else because I sure don't recall ever blaming the media for much of anything other than being true to form.

I've said Michael Sam felt he needed to come out because there are some in the media who don't have any integrity and would out him. Would any of your friends have been in the national spotlight due to being in the NFL draft or being up for an Oscar, Emmy, Pulitzer or other artistic award at the moment of their coming out like Michael Sam into an industry where there were literally ZERO openly gay people currently participating? Because if not, then the experiences aren't remotely analogous. Michael Sam would have been HOUNDED day and night about it if he had been outed and he would have been pelted with questions from all sides, NONE about football, btw.

Entering sports does not equate to entering the media although they are often conflated incorrectly. Sometimes it means exactly that. Depends on the person. Sam doing DWTS is transactional. It allows him to earn training money in a very short period of time so that he can focus full time on training and not have to take a job. That's huge. It may not be how YOU want him to get to the NFL, but I see no reason for negative judgement with the path he's chosen.

Now again, I'm telling you from inside the process, you've got it wrong. Having gay friends and coworkers isn't going to give you the inside track on this one.

I really can't say more than that. I thought I knew before. I didn't. You may think you know. You don't. It's not something that can be deduced or triangulated. I'm not trying to be obtuse, but rather, discreet. The knowledge I've gained recently has informed me in ways that is hard to succinctly articulate other than to say that so much of what is out there is just...wrong. Not necessarily for reasons of malfeasance or antipathy, but frankly, there's an entirely different frame of reference. There is overlap, but expecting to get this is like expecting to understand the black experience in America because one has black friends. Takes time, new language and the willingness to admit the lack of understanding. So much I didn't understand at first... Still learning and so much yet to learn.

And to be clear, I'm not judging anyone for not knowing, but I will point it out because... Well, it's important. If a person doesn't know and it's pointed out, they can make the choice to learn or not. That's valuable. I've certainly learned so much from people from all walks of life that I see the value in being a resource for others just as others have been a resource for me.

Lastly, you mention the NFL as a meritocracy. I disagree. Ask Kerry Rhoades or Brendon Ayenbadejo or Chris Kluwe. None had ANY issues in the league... Until... Rhodes was outed... BA and Kluwe just spoke out on behalf of gay rights and all of a sudden, they were radioactive. So, with respect to gay players, I respectfully submit that the NFL is still hostile to gay players. Otherwise, why would wealthy alpha men of means decide to live closeted their entire careers and only come out after they are done playing?

I hope you don't take this as me being disagreeable. Rather, while I am disagreeing on some points I want to ensure that the spirit of this is coming from a much more amicable place.

 

[Dieter the Brock]

Thanks and I truly appreciate the points you are making. I just disagree that his troubles are any worse than mine, or that his personal troubles have affected in any way his employment in the NFL which I believe it has not.

I think you and I are on the same page as far as Michael Sam the person, but only disagree on Michael Sam the player.

My point is only I think he isn't being discriminated against by any stretch of the imagination, whereas in fact he is actively embracing celebrity (which I suggest is attention seeking) and thus reaping the rewards as such

I am glad the Rams drafted him. Too bad he didn't play Davin Josephs position, he'd still be a Ram today