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Scientists have revealed that beer contains small amounts of female hormones.
In a clinical test, they made 100 men each drink 12 pints of beer.
The results proved conclusive.
100% of test participants started talking nonsense and none of them could drive.
Quite frankly, you'd deserve the ass-kicking from the husband and verbal reaming from your significant other, if you gave that for anyone's baby shower.
Better to do it on Maury or one of those paternity judge shows so that there's actual security for you. And so that everyone knows what an idiot you are.