Living With Guilt

[Flipper_336]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We had been together for over two years but something happened and it was all my fault.

Let me make it clear: I did not cheat on her.

My question is this: over the years, I've been dumped and I've also split up with lots of girls. Yet this one has hit me the hardest. I was the one in the wrong and knowing that I have really upset someone who loved me so much is tearing me up inside.

So which feels worse : breaking someone's heart or having your own heart broken?

 

[BigRamFan]

Wow! Sorry to hear that Brother. Tough question though, obviously neither is good. Best of luck in the coming weeks/months.

 

[Flipper_336]

Thanks, BRF.

 

[-X-]

I'd rather be the one dishing out the punishment than living with it. Both are hard pills to swallow for sure, but one is easier to get over. I don't know what you did (and am not asking), but it sounds like it wasn't a voluntary decision. Sounds like you had no alternative. That's a bit different than flippantly breaking up with a girl simply because you're done.

 

[Thordaddy]

Rather hate someone else than myself , I'd take the hit and go on easier NOW before I was ego formed I'd say it would be the opposite

 

[HX76]

What exactly did you do?

 

[Flipper_336]

Enough to break her heart, HX.

 

[Username]

Just fuck her sister and get even.


Wait, what are we talking about here?

 

[Flipper_336]

Just Freak her sister and get even.

Thanks for your advice, but that that doesn't really help.

 

[Selassie I]

Look at it like this Flip,,, "whatever" happened,,, wouldn't have if things were perfect. You did each of you a big favor by making the tough decision to do this "whatever"... there by speeding up the process of each of you being able to move towards finding the real thing.

Worse to pretend and stay in a relationship that isn't all you need it to be.

 

[Mister Sin]

I think this is a situational deal. I'm known for being cold, callas and frankly not giving a damn. It's not that I don't care, it's that I try to block it out and move on. So, for me, I would much rather be the guy who broke a heart, than the fella who was heartbroken. I've been truly heartbroken once in my life. And it changed me entirely as a human being. If the guilt is strictly broken heart, I think u got the better end of the deal. As she moves on from it, you will heal with her. If you moved on, she wouldn't progress any faster.

 

[LesBaker]

I did not vote in your poll because the questions aren't fair.

I ended a relationship that was 2 year plus of dating followed by living together for 21 years.

I wouldn't want to have to do that again, and granted three years isn't like 21 but it's no fun ending it either way. Breaking someone's heart takes more to get over than having your heart broken.

I'm guessing you feel cold and emotionally unavailable and that's normal after this kind of thing.

Eventually one day the curtain will be pulled back. And you'll be ok. As long as you like yourself that is, otherwise you have a problem my friend.

 

[LesBaker]

I think this is a situational deal. I'm known for being cold, callas and frankly not giving a damn. It's not that I don't care, it's that I try to block it out and move on. So, for me, I would much rather be the guy who broke a heart, than the fella who was heartbroken. I've been truly heartbroken once in my life. And it changed me entirely as a human being. If the guilt is strictly broken heart, I think u got the better end of the deal. As she moves on from it, you will heal with her. If you moved on, she wouldn't progress any faster.

Your not an adult until you've had your ass kicked and you're heart broken.

That'll grow ya up.

 

[bluecoconuts]

Depending on the situation. My ex cheated on me while I was deployed, and the way that we split up hit me pretty hard. The hardest part however was the fact that for a few weeks I had no idea what was going on. The way she decided to break up with me was essentially to stop talking to me all together. I was constantly going on missions and my mind was not in the right place because I was distracted trying to figure out what had happened, because one day things were great, then she sent me a message saying she was upset with me (without saying why) and then she just didn't talk to me. After a few weeks it just kind of hit me that if she was going to do this to me while I was deployed then I had misjudged her, and she wasn't really a very good person. About a month later I found out that she had stolen a bunch of things from me and sold them, and a mutual friend informed me that she had actually cheated on me and got knocked up, which is why she ended it with me suddenly.

That breakup was pretty hard simply due to the circumstances. I wouldn't wish that type of situation on anyone because it's so much harder when you're so far away and can't go home to fix things, or even really talk to them.

However I don't really like hurting people, especially not those who I care about. I would hate to have guilt, like you say you have now, because it is not a good feeling. I'd probably rather be dumped than to hurt someone I care about. I've had plenty of tragedy and bad news hit me in my life, I know that I would be able to get over it. Therefore I'd rather be on that end than to be the one hurting someone else. Especially if it is because of a mistake I made.


Sorry to hear about what happened bud. Hopefully things will improve later on and she will come to understand.

 

[RamFan503]

I've been on both ends of the being dumped vs dumping situation. I didn't much care for either one. I will say though that I stayed in a relationship at one point that was getting far too serious for my liking. She was talking future and getting her family involved and that is what forced me to make a move. She was a great girl but just not one I pictured living my life with. I had to break up with her when she told me her parents were planning to come out to meet me. I felt it would be way harder if it crossed the boundary of her parents actually flying half way across the country to formally "meet me". It sucked. I did really like her and still think about her often.

I suppose I have to look at it more from a standpoint of my professional career. I was never very good at break-ups in either direction. As I became a manager/owner in charge of hiring and firing, I had a choice to make. Either let something go on that wasn't going to be beneficial to me in the long run and in many cases not beneficial to the other person concerned or cut ties and get it over with so each party could go their own way and move on. I have never liked that part of the job but it is a necessary evil.

I know relationships are different but I have also had to fire people I REALLY liked.

 

[MFaulk107]

I've never broken a heart, but have gotten incredibly hurt in my past.
I say this without ever breaking someones heart, but I think I'd rather break someones heart than receive one.
Receiving it....that shit kills.

 

[laramsoriginal]

There are very few things that are worse than getting you're heart broken

 

[RamsFan14]

We are all human man, shits gana happen to everyone, it's just how you learn from it that makes the difference imo. It's kind of like looking at tape of an old game to prep for your opponent, you ask yourself what you did well and what you did wrong, and you make the necessary corrections. Shit happens in life, not sure exactly what happened in your case, but it is what it is and the least you can do is learn from it.

That's a tough question, it really depends on the issue and the dynamics of what's going on. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, unless they did something REALLY wrong and I want them to learn from it. Idk how to answer the question though, it's tough.

Stay strong man!

 

[laramsoriginal]

Im 31 and I've come to the conclusion that anything can have to anyone. There are so many variables that are out of our control....you can try to take a less risky path but ultimately we really dont have much other in other people and events

 

[laramsoriginal]

Sorry about my last post, lol my phone somehow omitted certain words but im sure you guys were able to fill in the missing words.