http://www.nfl.com/photoessays/0ap2000000346372/star-wars-mock-draft
1. Houston Texans - Chewbacca
The Texans probably could use a signal-caller like Han Solo, but they'll have plenty of opportunity to grab one in the second round. However, pair Chewbacca on the defensive line with J.J. Watt and there's no way you can get a pass off. His reach alone is incredible. And just try to kick a field goal with Chewy on the field. Chewy as a receiver in the red zone, too. There's way too much upside here.
2. St. Louis - General Grievous
An interesting choice for St. Louis here. They could go quarterback, but the main need is to protect Sam Bradford. So they add Grievous to the offensive line. His four hands will come in handy against the tough defensive lines of the NFC West. He could occupy two defenders at once.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars - Darth Maul
You could say this team needs a little pizzazz and an infusion of life. But ultimately, Gus Bradley is all about that defense and a Darthmorian like Maul could be just what the doctor ordered. He's a force, and as the tape showed, you can only stop him through double-teams. Even when you think he's finished, he's not. He finds a way to go on.
4. Cleveland Browns - Han Solo
The Browns need some stability and a little panache for the franchise. Solo gives them instant credibility, while delivering a boost to a fan base that has sought somebody to rally around for the last decade. There are some concerns about his commitment. Some fear he might only be in it for the money. But rest assured; he always comes through in the clutch. Something the Browns certainly need.
5. Oakland Raiders - Darth Sidious
Sure, everybody expects Darth Vader to go here. I mean, have you been to a Raiders game? But let's be honest: Vader is going to have a hard time passing all the physicals because he's got no hand and he's basically all machine! So instead of Vader, how about the guy who trained Vader? And when you look at the Raiders' basic needs right now, Sidious fills ALL of them. At some point he'll be the coach and owner. And the team needs a new stadium? Well, as luck would have it, Sidious is having a brand new Death Star constructed. Best of all, since it's floating, he won't have to worry about all of those California land-acquisition fees. The team could play games in the skies above Los Angeles and Oakland. Done and done.
6. Atlanta Falcons - Boba Fett
The Falcons desperately tried to move into the top spot to get a chance at Chewbacca, but just couldn't get the deal done. Fett certainly could come in and fill that void. He's earned a reputation for always getting his man. That reputation might not be exactly earned, actually, but he's a reputation guy and that's who the Falcons seem to fall in love with.
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Obi-Wan Kenobi
You couldn't believe the Bucs saw Josh McCown as the long-term answer at quarterback, could you? And for my money, nobody is greater than Kenobi in the "Star Wars" universe. He defeated all the big-name players over the years, including Maul. And honestly, he never really lost to Darth Vader, either (although allegations of throwing that match might have led to him being around at No. 7).
8. Minnesota Vikings - Luke Skywalker
The Vikings show some patience and finally land their quarterback in Skywalker. Concerns about his bum hand are quickly erased when you see his accuracy. I mean, the kid used to bulls-eye womp rats for crying out loud. Skywalker is more than a once-in-a-generation type of player. He spans multiple generations.
9. Buffalo Bills - Mace Windu
The Bills could go in many directions, but Windu is the natural leader the team could use. He also just happens to be one of the baddest men in the galaxy. His attitude would be a welcome addition in Buffalo and his intangibles are simply off the charts. And pull up the tape -- he was dominating Darth Sidious until a cheap shot by Anakin Skywalker.
10. Detroit Lions -- Darth Vader
Actually, this guy's ruthlessness would be a much better fit for the current Lions. Sure, there are concerns about his health. Seriously, does the dude have asthma? But this is a great value pick for the Lions right here. If you look at the time he spent with Darth Sidious, he showed he can be loyal and is very coachable.
11. Tennessee Titans - Qui-Gon Jinn
So much for the Jake Locker era in Tennessee. New coach Ken Whisenhunt finally will get a chance to choose his own quarterback for the future. Somebody who isn't Max Hall. Jinn lasted this long because he does have a little problem with authority. He was always quick to question the Jedi Council. So that begs the question: Will he be able to co-exist with Whisenhunt?
12. New York Giants - Yoda
The Giants get one of the best values in the first round when Yoda falls into their lap. Sure, there might be concerns about his height and some of the other measurables. But nobody on this list has more fight, heart and intangibles than Yoda. He might not have a true position or fill an obvious need for the Giants. But to land him at No. 12 is too great to pass up.
13. St. Louis - Anakin Skywalker
Judged on potential alone, Anakin would be a top-five selection. But there are some nagging off-the-field concerns: Some fear he could end up turning to the Dark Side. But with the second selection in the first round, St. Louis could afford to take some chances right here and roll the dice on the immense talent.
14. Chicago Bears - Jabba the Hut
The Bears need an anchor on the defensive line, so they grab Hut to bring instant stability. Hut will shut down the run because he occupies so much space. But I would wonder is if he's going to get the ball during goal-line situations.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Jango Fett
This one just screams of a classic Steelers pick. One of the greatest competitors and the best at his position. He might not get all of the hype and adulation as some of the beings drafted ahead of him, but he's certainly one of the best value picks and would easily be one of the most popular Steelers.
16. Dallas Cowboys - Jar Jar Binks
Many of you probably speculated who would be the unlucky team to end up with Jar Jar. And while the Browns and Jets might have entered your mind, is there really any chance any team other than the Cowboys would end up with Jar Jar? This is the most Cowboysiest pick of all the potential beings, droids and creatures out there.
17. Baltimore Ravens - Mara Jade (Skywalker)
If there was going to be one team to bend the gender rules of the NFL, a standup organization like the Ravens certainly comes to mind. Honestly, based on talent alone Jade could have been the first overall selection. Now she's going to dominate on the Ravens defense for years.
18. New York Jets - Wedge Antilles
The Jets could use more offensive weapons and there might not be a better person to provide the firepower like Antilles. Antilles just explodes off the film during his heroic runs at the Battle of Yavin and the Battle of Endor.
19. Miami Dolphins - Admiral Ackbar
If you could identify the biggest need for the Dolphins, it might not be the offensive line, but team leadership. And boom, Ackbar immediately balances the mood in the locker room. This is a great pick -- not a trap.
20. Arizona Cardinals - Bossk
Sure everybody raves about Boba Fett, and he's become a cult hero leading up to the draft. But when you really compare the tape, there are those who believe Bossk is much better than Fett. That Arizona defense just got a lot better with Bossk.
21. Green Bay Packers - R2-D2
Teams might be scared off because R2-D2 doesn't have some of the lateral mobility you would want when you're looking at prospects. But his resume is just way too vast to let him slip down any further. This is such a Packers thing to do to get such a stud at No. 21.
22. Philadelphia Eagles - Kit Fisto
While the Eagles were rumored to want to trade up in the draft and select Han Solo, the team makes a solid selection here with Kit Fisto. Fits an immediate need at receiver.
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Sebulba
Is he a little reckless? Perhaps. Violent? Of course. But he would bring a little bit of an edge to the Chiefs, who can overlook such things because of his immense skills.
24. Cincinnati Bengals - Greedo
He has great hands. But the biggest problem is that he might be a little too timid. And if he's not too timid, he's a terrible shot. Which might be worse.
25. San Diego Chargers - Count Dooku
Scouts have said Dooku has similar skills to Yoda and Windu, so this is a great value for the Chargers, who at this spot still need a little punch in the defense.
26. Cleveland Browns - Lando
The Browns got their quarterback early when they went with Han Solo, so why not a high-powered wide receiver to pair with him? Especially, one who has history and chemistry with their new quarterback? It's almost too perfect.
27. New Orleans Saints -IG-88
The Saints could use a pass rusher, and you can't argue with the addition of IG-88, one of the most skilled at his position. Sure, his frame might be a little lanky, but you can't argue with his production.
28. Carolina Panthers - Biggs Darklighter
He's one of the most skilled at his position, and having come up with Luke Skywalker, this no doubt adds to his mystique. He becomes one of the leading candidates to replace Steve Smith.
29. New England Patriots - Lobot
The Patriots always seem to find a way to land the guys who are somewhat anonymous, but vital to the success of any situation.
30. San Francisco 49ers - Darth Revan
The 49ers might need some help at the linebacker position heading into 2014, so Revan would be a great pick for them. He's like one of those small-school guys nobody has heard of, but ends up being the steal of the draft. (I didn't know how deep into the "Star Wars" universe I was going to go, but a number of Twitter peeps mentioned him, so he's in the draft.)
31. Denver Broncos - Jek Porkins
The Broncos kicked the tires on C-3P0, but couldn't handle anybody with less mobility than Peyton Manning. So instead, they go after somebody who could help keep Manning upright.
32. Seattle Seahawks - Wicket
Sure, he might be undersized. But he showed unbelievable heart in the Battle of Endor. If there was ever a "Star Wars" character who exuded more of Pete Carroll's "Win Forever" philosophy, I've yet to find him.
1. Houston Texans - Chewbacca
The Texans probably could use a signal-caller like Han Solo, but they'll have plenty of opportunity to grab one in the second round. However, pair Chewbacca on the defensive line with J.J. Watt and there's no way you can get a pass off. His reach alone is incredible. And just try to kick a field goal with Chewy on the field. Chewy as a receiver in the red zone, too. There's way too much upside here.
2. St. Louis - General Grievous
An interesting choice for St. Louis here. They could go quarterback, but the main need is to protect Sam Bradford. So they add Grievous to the offensive line. His four hands will come in handy against the tough defensive lines of the NFC West. He could occupy two defenders at once.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars - Darth Maul
You could say this team needs a little pizzazz and an infusion of life. But ultimately, Gus Bradley is all about that defense and a Darthmorian like Maul could be just what the doctor ordered. He's a force, and as the tape showed, you can only stop him through double-teams. Even when you think he's finished, he's not. He finds a way to go on.
4. Cleveland Browns - Han Solo
The Browns need some stability and a little panache for the franchise. Solo gives them instant credibility, while delivering a boost to a fan base that has sought somebody to rally around for the last decade. There are some concerns about his commitment. Some fear he might only be in it for the money. But rest assured; he always comes through in the clutch. Something the Browns certainly need.
5. Oakland Raiders - Darth Sidious
Sure, everybody expects Darth Vader to go here. I mean, have you been to a Raiders game? But let's be honest: Vader is going to have a hard time passing all the physicals because he's got no hand and he's basically all machine! So instead of Vader, how about the guy who trained Vader? And when you look at the Raiders' basic needs right now, Sidious fills ALL of them. At some point he'll be the coach and owner. And the team needs a new stadium? Well, as luck would have it, Sidious is having a brand new Death Star constructed. Best of all, since it's floating, he won't have to worry about all of those California land-acquisition fees. The team could play games in the skies above Los Angeles and Oakland. Done and done.
6. Atlanta Falcons - Boba Fett
The Falcons desperately tried to move into the top spot to get a chance at Chewbacca, but just couldn't get the deal done. Fett certainly could come in and fill that void. He's earned a reputation for always getting his man. That reputation might not be exactly earned, actually, but he's a reputation guy and that's who the Falcons seem to fall in love with.
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Obi-Wan Kenobi
You couldn't believe the Bucs saw Josh McCown as the long-term answer at quarterback, could you? And for my money, nobody is greater than Kenobi in the "Star Wars" universe. He defeated all the big-name players over the years, including Maul. And honestly, he never really lost to Darth Vader, either (although allegations of throwing that match might have led to him being around at No. 7).
8. Minnesota Vikings - Luke Skywalker
The Vikings show some patience and finally land their quarterback in Skywalker. Concerns about his bum hand are quickly erased when you see his accuracy. I mean, the kid used to bulls-eye womp rats for crying out loud. Skywalker is more than a once-in-a-generation type of player. He spans multiple generations.
9. Buffalo Bills - Mace Windu
The Bills could go in many directions, but Windu is the natural leader the team could use. He also just happens to be one of the baddest men in the galaxy. His attitude would be a welcome addition in Buffalo and his intangibles are simply off the charts. And pull up the tape -- he was dominating Darth Sidious until a cheap shot by Anakin Skywalker.
10. Detroit Lions -- Darth Vader
Actually, this guy's ruthlessness would be a much better fit for the current Lions. Sure, there are concerns about his health. Seriously, does the dude have asthma? But this is a great value pick for the Lions right here. If you look at the time he spent with Darth Sidious, he showed he can be loyal and is very coachable.
11. Tennessee Titans - Qui-Gon Jinn
So much for the Jake Locker era in Tennessee. New coach Ken Whisenhunt finally will get a chance to choose his own quarterback for the future. Somebody who isn't Max Hall. Jinn lasted this long because he does have a little problem with authority. He was always quick to question the Jedi Council. So that begs the question: Will he be able to co-exist with Whisenhunt?
12. New York Giants - Yoda
The Giants get one of the best values in the first round when Yoda falls into their lap. Sure, there might be concerns about his height and some of the other measurables. But nobody on this list has more fight, heart and intangibles than Yoda. He might not have a true position or fill an obvious need for the Giants. But to land him at No. 12 is too great to pass up.
13. St. Louis - Anakin Skywalker
Judged on potential alone, Anakin would be a top-five selection. But there are some nagging off-the-field concerns: Some fear he could end up turning to the Dark Side. But with the second selection in the first round, St. Louis could afford to take some chances right here and roll the dice on the immense talent.
14. Chicago Bears - Jabba the Hut
The Bears need an anchor on the defensive line, so they grab Hut to bring instant stability. Hut will shut down the run because he occupies so much space. But I would wonder is if he's going to get the ball during goal-line situations.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - Jango Fett
This one just screams of a classic Steelers pick. One of the greatest competitors and the best at his position. He might not get all of the hype and adulation as some of the beings drafted ahead of him, but he's certainly one of the best value picks and would easily be one of the most popular Steelers.
16. Dallas Cowboys - Jar Jar Binks
Many of you probably speculated who would be the unlucky team to end up with Jar Jar. And while the Browns and Jets might have entered your mind, is there really any chance any team other than the Cowboys would end up with Jar Jar? This is the most Cowboysiest pick of all the potential beings, droids and creatures out there.
17. Baltimore Ravens - Mara Jade (Skywalker)
If there was going to be one team to bend the gender rules of the NFL, a standup organization like the Ravens certainly comes to mind. Honestly, based on talent alone Jade could have been the first overall selection. Now she's going to dominate on the Ravens defense for years.
18. New York Jets - Wedge Antilles
The Jets could use more offensive weapons and there might not be a better person to provide the firepower like Antilles. Antilles just explodes off the film during his heroic runs at the Battle of Yavin and the Battle of Endor.
19. Miami Dolphins - Admiral Ackbar
If you could identify the biggest need for the Dolphins, it might not be the offensive line, but team leadership. And boom, Ackbar immediately balances the mood in the locker room. This is a great pick -- not a trap.
20. Arizona Cardinals - Bossk
Sure everybody raves about Boba Fett, and he's become a cult hero leading up to the draft. But when you really compare the tape, there are those who believe Bossk is much better than Fett. That Arizona defense just got a lot better with Bossk.
21. Green Bay Packers - R2-D2
Teams might be scared off because R2-D2 doesn't have some of the lateral mobility you would want when you're looking at prospects. But his resume is just way too vast to let him slip down any further. This is such a Packers thing to do to get such a stud at No. 21.
22. Philadelphia Eagles - Kit Fisto
While the Eagles were rumored to want to trade up in the draft and select Han Solo, the team makes a solid selection here with Kit Fisto. Fits an immediate need at receiver.
23. Kansas City Chiefs - Sebulba
Is he a little reckless? Perhaps. Violent? Of course. But he would bring a little bit of an edge to the Chiefs, who can overlook such things because of his immense skills.
24. Cincinnati Bengals - Greedo
He has great hands. But the biggest problem is that he might be a little too timid. And if he's not too timid, he's a terrible shot. Which might be worse.
25. San Diego Chargers - Count Dooku
Scouts have said Dooku has similar skills to Yoda and Windu, so this is a great value for the Chargers, who at this spot still need a little punch in the defense.
26. Cleveland Browns - Lando
The Browns got their quarterback early when they went with Han Solo, so why not a high-powered wide receiver to pair with him? Especially, one who has history and chemistry with their new quarterback? It's almost too perfect.
27. New Orleans Saints -IG-88
The Saints could use a pass rusher, and you can't argue with the addition of IG-88, one of the most skilled at his position. Sure, his frame might be a little lanky, but you can't argue with his production.
28. Carolina Panthers - Biggs Darklighter
He's one of the most skilled at his position, and having come up with Luke Skywalker, this no doubt adds to his mystique. He becomes one of the leading candidates to replace Steve Smith.
29. New England Patriots - Lobot
The Patriots always seem to find a way to land the guys who are somewhat anonymous, but vital to the success of any situation.
30. San Francisco 49ers - Darth Revan
The 49ers might need some help at the linebacker position heading into 2014, so Revan would be a great pick for them. He's like one of those small-school guys nobody has heard of, but ends up being the steal of the draft. (I didn't know how deep into the "Star Wars" universe I was going to go, but a number of Twitter peeps mentioned him, so he's in the draft.)
31. Denver Broncos - Jek Porkins
The Broncos kicked the tires on C-3P0, but couldn't handle anybody with less mobility than Peyton Manning. So instead, they go after somebody who could help keep Manning upright.
32. Seattle Seahawks - Wicket
Sure, he might be undersized. But he showed unbelievable heart in the Battle of Endor. If there was ever a "Star Wars" character who exuded more of Pete Carroll's "Win Forever" philosophy, I've yet to find him.
