Okay, I'll give it a shot.
AFC North - Baltimore Ravens. At the end of the day, the Steelers have lost so much on defense, and their secondary has not really improved. Baltimore's defense may be getting old, but they still have Ngata and Webb, and they finally have an offense that can air it out. The Bengals will implode, per usual. And the Browns are in total rebuilding mode. And I have a feeling that Courtney Upshaw is going to have a monster season.
AFC East - New England Patriots. Let's face it: there's nobody in their division who can actually pose a threat to them. The Jets can never back up their talk (and are going to badly implode this year), the Dolphins are owned by a loon (hell, I think an actual loon - a bird, that is - could do a better job of running the Dolphins), and the Bills will find out why it's not wise to expect highly-paid free agents to win games for you.
AFC South - Houston Texans. Like the Patriots, they win pretty much by default. The Jaguars are a real candidate to go number one overall. The Colts, in all likelyhood, will struggle in their first year after Peyton; Andrew Luck will not be Jon Elway-reincarnated right off the bat. The Titans have CJ1K and the enigmatic Kenny Britt as their two viable offensive threats, and after Cortland Finnegan left, I don't trust anyone in their secondary.
AFC West - San Diego Chargers. They have a solid running game and a sound defense, and at the moment, they have the best quarterback in the division (because a healthy Philip Rivers is infiinitely better than Peyton on the sidelines). Kansas City has star power in the secondary, pass-rush, running game, and passing game, but I don't trust their quarterback. The Raiders will pick in the top five next year and also have a shot at the number one overall pick.
As for the Broncos? Way too many ifs. Their top offensive threats - Moreno, Thomas, and Decker - haven't proven anything (in fact, Ryan Mathews of the Chargers was flat out better in every category than Moreno), and you can't count on Peyton returning to full health from that gruesome neck injury.
AFC Wildcard - Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs. At the end of the day, you can never count out Pittsburgh, and Kansas City has enough stars to make the leap as well. Of course, if the Broncos can get Peyton Manning healthy, they'll easily overtake the Chiefs, and possibly the Chargers as well.
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NFC North - Green Bay Packers. Another team who wins by default. All of the other three teams are in chaos. The Lions are going to badly implode. The Vikings are another team who will pick in the top five, and Percy Harvin is holding out for a new deal. Matt Forte of the Bears - literally their only saving grace on offense - is holding out as well, and the Bears are only getting older on defense.
NFC East - New York Giants. There will be a Super Bowl letdown, but it won't be enough to stop this team from winning the division. The Cowboys are another year older, and their secondary still stinks (they have nothing at safety). The Eagles won't win anything under an aging Vick and an ineffective Jackson. And the Redskins are going to give us a top five pick, whether they want to or not.
NFC South - Atlanta Falcons. The Saints are going to seriously struggle this year; Brees sitting out means that Chase Daniel is their first option to replace him - and as much as I appreciate the guy for what he's done for Mizzou, he's not a starting NFL quarterback. They have no head coach either, so that's another thing to consider. Tampa Bay is trying to win with every top free agent they can buy, which is a strategy that has never worked in the NFL. And Steve Smith of the Panthers is another year older, another year slower. He's going to hit a sharp decline. Newton won't have anyone to throw to when that happens, and their defense isn't nearly good enough to pick up the slack of the offense.
NFC West - Rams. That's it. All of the experts on the Internet think that I've completely lost it. I've heard the reply, "What the fuck are you thinking, Memento?!" at least a million times already because the Rams are still under the same ownership and therefore su-wait, what's that? We have a new owner? We have a new GM and coach? An experienced coaching staff? And Sam Bradford just dropped 400 yards and five touchdowns on the vaunted 49ers defense? Well, hop on board the bandwagon; there's plenty of room to sit.
NFC Wildcard - San Francisco 49ers and Dallas Cowboys. Two teams that I despise, but there's literally nobody else to pick. I fully expect the 49ers to play us in the playoffs, and the Cowboys are the only other team that doesn't have all that many question marks.
The rest of the division is in total dysfunction
