Argument with wife, need some opinions

[Rabid Ram]

May have been pissed because she feels you dont trust her or got really insulted by you thinking she was doing something like that if in fact her intentions were not what you thought

 

[Sgt. Ram]

May have been pissed because she feels you dont trust her or got really insulted by you thinking she was doing something like that if in fact her intentions were not what you thought

Ok I can accept that, but what would her intentions be. I don't see how it's a haha joke. I think she just spoke before she thought about it and a simple sorry about how it sounded is all I am after. Like everyone says I will let it go, because I am not going to get an apology..

 

[Rabid Ram]

Trying to get an apology is like pulling teeth somtimes its better to forgive and move on

 

[had]

Wow what an awesome thread.

This is exactly the kind of thing that I have fought about with girlfriends, ex-wife, etc.

Here's how I see it:

--She made a flirtatious comment. Period. You're right.
--You bring it up, and she gets offended, and she gets mad at YOU. Incredible.
--Now you just want her to 'see your side of things'. Ha. Forget it. You lose.
--You're willing to 'let it go', but just need her to validate your feelings. She won't.
--Now you're the beeyawtch, and it just won’t stand.
--Escalate into some late night ordeal where you're standing in the kitchen drinking scotch, wondering what the f*ck happened. She's sleeping soundly.

What I've learned, if anything, is that you have to let your woman be herself, and you either accept it, or you leave. You can't change her, you can't get her to admit sh*t, and the farther you go down this road, the more insanely out of line you'll seem to her, and the more of a wounded pansy you'll seem to yourself, until you have too much invested and you just can't let it go. Madness.

She flirted with that guy. If that’s the worst thing she does, then you’re gold. You tell her how you feel about it, that if the shoe was on the other foot, she might take offense as well, and then you let it go. If she refuses, in general, to empathize, and pulls little stunts that leave you shaking your head, then maybe you have a bigger problem than this little deal you’ve described. If she doesn’t pull this kind of thing frequently, and is a good woman, then you’re going to be a giant douche if you keep hammering at it.

 

[Sgt. Ram]

Wow what an awesome thread.

This is exactly the kind of thing that I have fought about with girlfriends, ex-wife, etc.

Here's how I see it:

--She made a flirtatious comment. Period. You're right.
--You bring it up, and she gets offended, and she gets mad at YOU. Incredible.
--Now you just want her to 'see your side of things'. Ha. Forget it. You lose.
--You're willing to 'let it go', but just need her to validate your feelings. She won't.
--Now you're the beeyawtch, and it just won’t stand.
--Escalate into some late night ordeal where you're standing in the kitchen drinking scotch, wondering what the f*ck happened. She's sleeping soundly.

What I've learned, if anything, is that you have to let your woman be herself, and you either accept it, or you leave. You can't change her, you can't get her to admit sh*t, and the farther you go down this road, the more insanely out of line you'll seem to her, and the more of a wounded pansy you'll seem to yourself, until you have too much invested and you just can't let it go. Madness.

She flirted with that guy. If that’s the worst thing she does, then you’re gold. You tell her how you feel about it, that if the shoe was on the other foot, she might take offense as well, and then you let it go. If she refuses, in general, to empathize, and pulls little stunts that leave you shaking your head, then maybe you have a bigger problem than this little deal you’ve described. If she doesn’t pull this kind of thing frequently, and is a good woman, then you’re going to be a giant douche if you keep hammering at it.

Amen brother!

 

[RamFan503]

Inappropriate? Probably. Intentional? Not sure.

Let me give you a little bit from our perspective. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th anniversary. We have been together for 28 years. Many years ago we came up with a tag for some of my wife's miscues - Becky-isms. These Becky-isms run from sexual innuendos to things that sound racist to just plain head slappers. It has become a running joke that she should just avoid trying to be funny in certain situations.

My point being that I have learned to not read too much into them. Believe me - I have seen many an eyebrow raised over some of these Becky-isms. In the end, it is actions and follow-up. If she continues to make similar comments or demonstrate interest in the guy, then you may have a problem. If she just made her own wife-ism, drop it. It won't do you no good no how.

See, the problem is that if it was indeed an innocent comment, asking outsiders to weigh in might not be a very good idea. No offense to anyone on this board because they are ALL going to have your back. Just don't make this a huge issue if it truly is not.

All that being said, that definitely seems to be a wife-ism. :lmao:

 

[CGI_Ram]

Ok, I will lay out the scenario for you. My wife and I are at church, Easter day. We are ushers for service that day. Two other men usher with us. It is very crowded that day and all the people make it feel warmer. At the end of service my wife says to one of the other men ushers, "I might pass out and you will have to give me CPR (she is smiling while saying this to him)..the man looks at me and then looks at her , then my wife says.."I said you and not him(meaning me) because he does not know CPR." then the subject was dropped and we left church. I told my wife it was inappropriate comment and could be taken as a come on. She said it wasn't. Tell me your honest opinion because of course now I am in the doghouse.lol.

Personally; I don't think what she did was a big deal. Then again, it's all about context as your written words don't capture the whole effect you would have received being there.

 

[Stranger]

Man, I can understand how this situation did not sit well with you but let it go and let it go now. I'd never mention it again to your wife. You know women and men are wired differently and for some reason are designed to have opposing views on most things which usually escalate to conflict. That's where further conversation on this subject with your wife will go. Your brothers here have amply explained how most people would perceive your experience and you know how you feel. It probably was just a poor attempt at humor by your wife and nothing more. If not, then at least your eyes are wide open now.

If you still feel you need some vindication, go take a CPR class without her knowing, frame the certificate, hang it on a prominent wall in your house and never say a word. That will let her know that her failed attempt at humor struck a hurtful nerve and you took action to improve your abilities as a protector of the den.

Thanks, great advice. Thanks to everyone point of view. I will let it go,but my wife acting so pissed about it, makes it very hard when I feel I was right about it. But anyway, I will let it go..she will calm down eventually, she is a red head after all. Lol. :lol:

Just tell her you got a little jealous.. that's all.

 

[Sgt. Ram]

Inappropriate? Probably. Intentional? Not sure.

Let me give you a little bit from our perspective. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th anniversary. We have been together for 28 years. Many years ago we came up with a tag for some of my wife's miscues - Becky-isms. These Becky-isms run from sexual innuendos to things that sound racist to just plain head slappers. It has become a running joke that she should just avoid trying to be funny in certain situations.

My point being that I have learned to not read too much into them. Believe me - I have seen many an eyebrow raised over some of these Becky-isms. In the end, it is actions and follow-up. If she continues to make similar comments or demonstrate interest in the guy, then you may have a problem. If she just made her own wife-ism, drop it. It won't do you no good no how.

See, the problem is that if it was indeed an innocent comment, asking outsiders to weigh in might not be a very good idea. No offense to anyone on this board because they are ALL going to have your back. Just don't make this a huge issue if it truly is not.

All that being said, that definitely seems to be a wife-ism. :lmao:

Thanks for that perspective, you may be right on there. Also I have already apologized for my part in the fight, which I always seem to be the first to do so..anyway I am ready to move on from it.

 

[Ram Quixote]

I don't have anything further to add to the discussion except this question:

If a man talks in the forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

My wife and I are about to celebrate our 30th anniversary. We've known each other for 35.

We still piss each other off on occasion, and I'm usually the one who apologizes first, even when we both know she should.

 

[RamFan503]

I don't have anything further to add to the discussion except this question:

If a man talks in the forest and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

My wife and I are about to celebrate our 30th anniversary. We've known each other for 35.

We still piss each other off on occasion, and I'm usually the one who apologizes first, even when we both know she should.

Yeah - you know it.

Shit. We had a little pissing match last night. I apologized this morning (I actually was w-w-w-w-wrong (ouch!) THIS time) and she replied with that she shouldn't have been so uptight about it. Win/win in my book. She actually said she was thrown because it had been so long since she was mad at me for anything that she should have just let it go. WTF? I guess I gotta be more of a dick. :sly: Just kidding of course. She must be a saint to not have me piss her off daily.

And congrats on the long term deal man. If it was always easy there might be a lot more of us out there. But then again, if it was easier, it might also be ultra boring.

BTW - If a woman talks in the forest and there is no man to hear her, is she still nagging?

 

[RamFan503]

Inappropriate? Probably. Intentional? Not sure.

Let me give you a little bit from our perspective. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th anniversary. We have been together for 28 years. Many years ago we came up with a tag for some of my wife's miscues - Becky-isms. These Becky-isms run from sexual innuendos to things that sound racist to just plain head slappers. It has become a running joke that she should just avoid trying to be funny in certain situations.

My point being that I have learned to not read too much into them. Believe me - I have seen many an eyebrow raised over some of these Becky-isms. In the end, it is actions and follow-up. If she continues to make similar comments or demonstrate interest in the guy, then you may have a problem. If she just made her own wife-ism, drop it. It won't do you no good no how.

See, the problem is that if it was indeed an innocent comment, asking outsiders to weigh in might not be a very good idea. No offense to anyone on this board because they are ALL going to have your back. Just don't make this a huge issue if it truly is not.

All that being said, that definitely seems to be a wife-ism. :lmao:

Thanks for that perspective, you may be right on there. Also I have already apologized for my part in the fight, which I always seem to be the first to do so..anyway I am ready to move on from it.

Yeah man - don't be afraid to apologize if you're not jeopardizing your standards. My wife tells me I'm argumentative. I just tell her that I only argue when I know I'm right. You might want to hold onto that one for a few years though. :sly:

 

[Ramhusker]

Inappropriate? Probably. Intentional? Not sure.

Let me give you a little bit from our perspective. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th anniversary. We have been together for 28 years. Many years ago we came up with a tag for some of my wife's miscues - Becky-isms. These Becky-isms run from sexual innuendos to things that sound racist to just plain head slappers. It has become a running joke that she should just avoid trying to be funny in certain situations.

My point being that I have learned to not read too much into them. Believe me - I have seen many an eyebrow raised over some of these Becky-isms. In the end, it is actions and follow-up. If she continues to make similar comments or demonstrate interest in the guy, then you may have a problem. If she just made her own wife-ism, drop it. It won't do you no good no how.

See, the problem is that if it was indeed an innocent comment, asking outsiders to weigh in might not be a very good idea. No offense to anyone on this board because they are ALL going to have your back. Just don't make this a huge issue if it truly is not.

All that being said, that definitely seems to be a wife-ism. :lmao:

Thanks for that perspective, you may be right on there. Also I have already apologized for my part in the fight, which I always seem to be the first to do so..anyway I am ready to move on from it.

Yeah man - don't be afraid to apologize if you're not jeopardizing your standards. My wife tells me I'm argumentative. I just tell her that I only argue when I know I'm right. You might want to hold onto that one for a few years though. :sly:

Yeah dude, don't use that one until year 20 or so. I'm on the 27th and agree with all the vets here. We've seen most of women's genetic flaws at this point and have finally earned the right to point some of the minor ones out from time to time but always defensively, never on offense. If you do that, you better have a damn good Special Teams!!! :sly:

 

[Sgt. Ram]

Inappropriate? Probably. Intentional? Not sure.

Let me give you a little bit from our perspective. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 26th anniversary. We have been together for 28 years. Many years ago we came up with a tag for some of my wife's miscues - Becky-isms. These Becky-isms run from sexual innuendos to things that sound racist to just plain head slappers. It has become a running joke that she should just avoid trying to be funny in certain situations.

My point being that I have learned to not read too much into them. Believe me - I have seen many an eyebrow raised over some of these Becky-isms. In the end, it is actions and follow-up. If she continues to make similar comments or demonstrate interest in the guy, then you may have a problem. If she just made her own wife-ism, drop it. It won't do you no good no how.

See, the problem is that if it was indeed an innocent comment, asking outsiders to weigh in might not be a very good idea. No offense to anyone on this board because they are ALL going to have your back. Just don't make this a huge issue if it truly is not.

All that being said, that definitely seems to be a wife-ism. :lmao:

Thanks for that perspective, you may be right on there. Also I have already apologized for my part in the fight, which I always seem to be the first to do so..anyway I am ready to move on from it.

Yeah man - don't be afraid to apologize if you're not jeopardizing your standards. My wife tells me I'm argumentative. I just tell her that I only argue when I know I'm right. You might want to hold onto that one for a few years though. :sly:

Yeah dude, don't use that one until year 20 or so. I'm on the 27th and agree with all the vets here. We've seen most of women's genetic flaws at this point and have finally earned the right to point some of the minor ones out from time to time but always defensively, never on offense. If you do that, you better have a damn good Special Teams!!! :sly:

We have been married for 24 years, and we have made up and put this behind us :ww:

 

[…..]

Mines red head too so...I can certainly relate.

The couch? I always sleep in MY bed, but I'm not above taking her a pillow so she's comfortable on the couch.

 

[RamFan503]

We have been married for 24 years, and we have made up and put this behind us :ww:

And here we are treating you like a rookie. :sly: