- Joined
- Feb 9, 2014
- Messages
- 20,922
- Name
- Peter
http://ftw.usatoday.com/2016/05/the-quiet-redemption-of-jonathan-martin
The quiet redemption of Jonathan Martin, the man at the center of the NFL’s infamous bullying scandal
By: Alysha Tsuji
SAN LEANDRO, Calif. — When Jonathan Martin arrived to speak at Washington Manor Middle School just outside Oakland last Wednesday, students hurried to greet him and guide him to the auditorium where he would speak. They surrounded him, asking for photos and autographs.
It did not matter to them that Martin, once a second-round pick of the Miami Dolphins, had washed out of football quietly before last season. Or that he is most known for making bullying allegations against his Dolphins teammates. The kids saw only someone who had made it to the NFL, someone famous.
Martin didn’t mind the attention. His stint as an NFL player — as brief and tortured as it was — is what gives him the ability to share his message now. He makes sense of why it went wrong by talking about how it went wrong. The kids listen, at first, because of his fame. His hope is that his message — about dealing with the effects of bullying and depression — reaches at least some of them.
Through three separate presentations — one for each grade — on behalf of Beyond Differences, an organization focused on eliminating social isolation, the majority of the 895 students sat quietly on the floor, listening to Martin share his life story.
Photo by Alysha Tsuji
Martin just received a degree from Stanford. He hasn’t given up on attempting a return to football and isn’t sure what he’ll do if he never plays again. The future is uncertain. But for perhaps the first time he is finding solace in talking about his past. Plunging into his most painful memories is how he now finds peace.
“I’ve known ever since I was a kid that I was different from the other kids,” Martin began.
He slowly paced back and forth while he opened up about how he always felt more sensitive than everyone else.
“I was trapped in my own head often, and I would later learn that I have major depressive disorder, which means you get sad easier than other people, and I get anxiety to go along with that,” Martin said in his first talk to the 7th graders.
Then, for the next 5-10 minutes, he explained how that “trapped in my own head” feeling tormented him all his life — from elementary school to the NFL.
Martin spoke of attending a diverse grade school in Pittsburgh where he said he stood out in many ways. He said he was fat (which drew a few giggles from the crowd), and he was different. He didn’t have the same interests as the black kids, and he wasn’t white, so the white kids didn’t accept him either. His parents had well-paying jobs — a professor and a lawyer — so he was viewed as the “rich white black kid.” He never fit in.
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports
At the age of 10, his family moved to L.A. and he attended a predominantly white school with peers he called “the Hollywood rich and famous.” He may have been labeled as rich on the East coast, but on the West coast, he suddenly became the “poor black kid.” He felt like he was never good enough in middle school. He admitted that he even became a bully himself in an attempt to feel like the cool kids.
Things changed once he began playing football in high school. He fell in love with the sport. Martin said he used “this discomfort and self hatred I had within myself for not fitting in” as motivation on the field. He was aggressive. He got into fights in practice. He had enough talent to earn a scholarship to Stanford where he said he finally felt at home. “Nerd Nation” welcomed him.
“They were weird like how I felt like I was weird in my head, and I flourished,” Martin said to his still quiet audience.
He was a two-time All-American at Stanford before the Miami Dolphins drafted him in the second round in 2012.
Martin also spoke openly about how football nearly caused everything to come crashing down. The taunting and bullying sent him through a “cycle of depression” and he had “a mental breakdown of sorts” and ended up in a mental hospital.
In his third and final talk, to the 8th graders, he shared more at this point of his story. Martin said he would often sit at home on his balcony and stare off into the distance for hours after his games. He brought up an instance where he said that one of his white teammates called him the N-word to his face.
Martin concluded each talk by telling the middle schoolers to consider stepping into others’ shoes. He said he wishes he would’ve loved himself, would have known it’s OK to be different, but that he’s grateful now that he has this opportunity.
Alysha Tsuji
After the end of the 6th, 7th and 8th grade assemblies, the students flocked around Martin just as they had when he first arrived. Standing at 6-foot-5, he towered over the youngsters that surrounded him. Martin smiled and patiently dealt with his crowd. When asked if he needed any help, he said he could handle it. Several requests had to be made over the speakers to get everyone to step away from Martin and go back to class.
During the lunch break, he stood in the corner of the auditorium to make himself available for more photos and autographs. For about 30 minutes, he worked his way through an organized line that stretched to the back. Some asked him to sign their backpacks, pieces of paper, headphone cases and smartphones — one boy excitedly ran off with Sharpie marks all over his arm.
“Even if it’s just one kid in here that has some of the same feelings I had at 14, 13, and they’re like, ‘Oh wait, this guy had these feelings but then was still able to go to Stanford, still able to be an All-American, still able to graduate, still able to play in the NFL, maybe it’s OK to feel the way I feel.’ That’s cool that I’m potentially getting through to someone,” Martin said.
Martin said that if he had crossed paths with an organization like Beyond Differences when he was younger, maybe he wouldn’t have rooted his identity in “a pursuit of coolness through football.”
Martin is reflective as he sits down for an interview after the students filter out of the auditorium. He only began speaking at schools two months ago and is still figuring out how best to reach the kids. Life has slowed for him. Since retiring from the NFL with a back injury, he has been living in Palo Alto. He went back to Stanford in December. He also attended college football games and tailgated like a typical fan.
“I get why people are always at football games now,” Martin said, smiling. “It makes sense.”
Reconciling with the game has not come easily. After becoming the center of the highly publicized Miami Dolphins bullying scandal in 2013, Martin tried his best to hide from everything that had happened.
He stopped playing for the Dolphins that year and was traded to San Francisco, where he started nine games in the 2014 season. When asked about his past by reporters, he would readjust the focus to the present. Then, in 2015, as Martin was preparing to play for the Carolina Panthers, who claimed him off the waivers, he announced his retirement, citing a back injury as the reason.
He wanted to disappear.
Jonathan Martin (right) lines up for the San Francisco 49ers. (Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports)
Martin shared his thoughts in a Facebook post after retiring. He revealed that he had attempted suicide multiple times throughout his pro football career. He wrote that he has dealt with bullying his entire life, and he admitted that he has developed a sensitive personality and a feeling of worthlessness as a result. He abused weed and alcohol to cope.
But at the end of the dark post, there was a glimmer of hope: “You let your demons go, knowing that, perhaps, sharing your story can help some other chubby, goofy, socially-isolated kid getting bullied in America who feels like no one in the world cares about them. And let them know that they are not alone.”
One woman in particular was especially attentive to Martin’s words. While most people simply saw a heartbreaking story, Laura Talmus could actually understand what he was going through. Six years ago, Talmus and her husband, Ace Smith, founded Beyond Differences.
The mission of Beyond Differences is inspired by Talmus and Smith’s late daughter, Lili Rachel Smith, who had Apert syndrome, which causes bone malformations, most noticeably in the skull. Lili experienced social isolation in middle school before passing in her sleep at the age of 15.
“I thought how poignant and sad for a larger-than-life football player to get to this point that he felt that way,” Talmus said. “But at the same time, he was using the exact words that I feel nobody uses enough of, which is that social isolation can hurt and can cause us to harm oneself and others.”
Through friends of friends, Talmus was able to get in touch with Martin to ask if he’d be willing to speak on behalf of Beyond Differences. After months of talks, he agreed to volunteer his time and share his story.
Over the course of the past two months, Martin has told his story at 10 schools, and he is happy to do so.
For one, it has given him the opportunity to hone his public speaking skills while delivering a meaningful message.
“Early on in college, I would stutter, I couldn’t even do anything, so having developed that skill, I enjoy it — captivating an audience and weaving a narrative, a tale, a dialogue,” Martin said. “And then just connecting with kids … I try to say things that they can relate to in some capacity.”
More importantly, it has given him the chance to, as he repeatedly said, “(spin) a positive out of a negative.” It has become cathartic for him.
“I had a couple people mention it to me after the whole ordeal like, ‘That is a unique story. No one else has that story.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, but it sucked, and I want it to go away, and I want to disappear, and then I was like, ‘OK, I’m not gonna disappear. I’m still gonna wake up and have to do something. My name is still gonna be Jonathan Martin. I’m not gonna change my name. People are still gonna recognize me so what am I gonna do about it?’ ” Martin said. “Why not do some good instead of wallowing in the past. Why not do something that can positively impact people’s lives?”
Even though Martin says he has moved on from the past, he also hasn’t forgotten what transpired in Miami. He called the entire Dolphins bullying scandal “a steaming pile of crap.” He jokes that he could go on all day, but that he prefers to leave it in the past.
Some may say that Martin wasn’t tough enough to play football and that players have to be bullies in order to survive such a violent sport. To that, Martin brought up his experience playing Stanford football. He said during his time there, everyone respected one another off the field.
“I’ve seen it first hand. It doesn’t need to be the way that it was in Miami,” Martin said. “People will put NFL players on a pedestal, but they’re still people. There’s all kinds of different personalities. There’s a-holes, there’s laid back people, there’s arrogant people, there’s super humble people, there’s insecure people — it’s like any other workplace, honestly. People don’t understand that. It’s just a collection of personalities trying to play a game.”
While Martin thinks about the past and how it could be different, he won’t reach back and mess with it. He said he hasn’t tried to speak to Richie Incognito, one of the former Dolphins who was a main culprit in the bullying scandal.
“That’s another thing that’s convoluted,” Martin said after a pause and a heavy sigh. “Like I said in the Wells report, and like I’ve said before, at a certain level we were friends. We hung out. That’s fact. He’s got his own issues like I had issues with depression related to dealing with all their BS, but I don’t even know if Richie wants to be a bad person. Part of me thinks he just is because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies. It’s weird because we still have mutual friends. I have no desire to ever see or talk to him. I’ll get nothing from it. That’s in the past. I don’t know what his thoughts are and I don’t really care, honestly.”
As for those “mutual friends,” none of them are former Dolphins teammates or have any relation to the explosive incident from three years ago.
“From their (the Miami Dolphins players) perspective, they probably thought I was making everything up, which was fine, but not even giving me the benefit of the doubt made me lose respect for everyone in that building — everyone — so I mean, I’ve moved on,” Martin said. “I hope they’ve moved on.”
Martin can afford to be deliberate while planning his future. Earning his degree in Classics with an Ancient History focus was, he says, the proudest moment of his life so far. But he still isn’t sure what he wants to do with his life.
A return to the NFL is not out of the question. He has a “lingering desire” to step back on the field, but feels now is not the right time.
“I can’t run from who I am or what happened, but I do have a desire to change. I’ve given a lot of thought to trying to play again. And it’s something that, granted, the window will close eventually, but right now the window hasn’t closed completely,” Martin said. “If I really wanted to get back into shape, I was an NFL starter. I started 30-plus games. I was an All-American in college. I was a second-round draft pick for a reason. I was gonna make the team in Carolina. It’s just, I didn’t have the desire to play through this injury, so if I really wanted to keep playing (I could), but I have more to contribute.”
Alysha Tsuji
School was still in session as Martin tried navigating the halls to find the exit. Two students spotted him and yelled “You’re still here?!” They immediately guided him to the front gate that led to the parking lot. One nudged the other and said, “Don’t speak! He’s FAMOUS!” and then proceeded to excitedly follow him out, shouting questions. Her friend told at her to get back inside, they had to go back to class.
Martin laughed and answered her questions about the Raiders before driving away.
“I’ve gone all over the place the last few years. I was nihilist for a while,” Martin said, back in the quiet, empty middle school auditorium. “That’s a depressed mindset. I was just like, ‘OK what’s the point, what’s my purpose.’ I think part of that’s being in your 20s, part of that’s depression, part of that’s transitioning my career. There’s a lot of different components in that. But what do I want? I want to impact people positively because we’re all going to the same place in the end … I think a lot of people could stand benefit from normalizing the idea that it’s OK to confront this issue to stop bullying.”
The quiet redemption of Jonathan Martin, the man at the center of the NFL’s infamous bullying scandal
By: Alysha Tsuji
SAN LEANDRO, Calif. — When Jonathan Martin arrived to speak at Washington Manor Middle School just outside Oakland last Wednesday, students hurried to greet him and guide him to the auditorium where he would speak. They surrounded him, asking for photos and autographs.
It did not matter to them that Martin, once a second-round pick of the Miami Dolphins, had washed out of football quietly before last season. Or that he is most known for making bullying allegations against his Dolphins teammates. The kids saw only someone who had made it to the NFL, someone famous.
Martin didn’t mind the attention. His stint as an NFL player — as brief and tortured as it was — is what gives him the ability to share his message now. He makes sense of why it went wrong by talking about how it went wrong. The kids listen, at first, because of his fame. His hope is that his message — about dealing with the effects of bullying and depression — reaches at least some of them.
Through three separate presentations — one for each grade — on behalf of Beyond Differences, an organization focused on eliminating social isolation, the majority of the 895 students sat quietly on the floor, listening to Martin share his life story.
Photo by Alysha Tsuji
Martin just received a degree from Stanford. He hasn’t given up on attempting a return to football and isn’t sure what he’ll do if he never plays again. The future is uncertain. But for perhaps the first time he is finding solace in talking about his past. Plunging into his most painful memories is how he now finds peace.
“I’ve known ever since I was a kid that I was different from the other kids,” Martin began.
He slowly paced back and forth while he opened up about how he always felt more sensitive than everyone else.
“I was trapped in my own head often, and I would later learn that I have major depressive disorder, which means you get sad easier than other people, and I get anxiety to go along with that,” Martin said in his first talk to the 7th graders.
Then, for the next 5-10 minutes, he explained how that “trapped in my own head” feeling tormented him all his life — from elementary school to the NFL.
Martin spoke of attending a diverse grade school in Pittsburgh where he said he stood out in many ways. He said he was fat (which drew a few giggles from the crowd), and he was different. He didn’t have the same interests as the black kids, and he wasn’t white, so the white kids didn’t accept him either. His parents had well-paying jobs — a professor and a lawyer — so he was viewed as the “rich white black kid.” He never fit in.
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports
At the age of 10, his family moved to L.A. and he attended a predominantly white school with peers he called “the Hollywood rich and famous.” He may have been labeled as rich on the East coast, but on the West coast, he suddenly became the “poor black kid.” He felt like he was never good enough in middle school. He admitted that he even became a bully himself in an attempt to feel like the cool kids.
Things changed once he began playing football in high school. He fell in love with the sport. Martin said he used “this discomfort and self hatred I had within myself for not fitting in” as motivation on the field. He was aggressive. He got into fights in practice. He had enough talent to earn a scholarship to Stanford where he said he finally felt at home. “Nerd Nation” welcomed him.
“They were weird like how I felt like I was weird in my head, and I flourished,” Martin said to his still quiet audience.
He was a two-time All-American at Stanford before the Miami Dolphins drafted him in the second round in 2012.
Martin also spoke openly about how football nearly caused everything to come crashing down. The taunting and bullying sent him through a “cycle of depression” and he had “a mental breakdown of sorts” and ended up in a mental hospital.
In his third and final talk, to the 8th graders, he shared more at this point of his story. Martin said he would often sit at home on his balcony and stare off into the distance for hours after his games. He brought up an instance where he said that one of his white teammates called him the N-word to his face.
Martin concluded each talk by telling the middle schoolers to consider stepping into others’ shoes. He said he wishes he would’ve loved himself, would have known it’s OK to be different, but that he’s grateful now that he has this opportunity.
Alysha Tsuji
After the end of the 6th, 7th and 8th grade assemblies, the students flocked around Martin just as they had when he first arrived. Standing at 6-foot-5, he towered over the youngsters that surrounded him. Martin smiled and patiently dealt with his crowd. When asked if he needed any help, he said he could handle it. Several requests had to be made over the speakers to get everyone to step away from Martin and go back to class.
During the lunch break, he stood in the corner of the auditorium to make himself available for more photos and autographs. For about 30 minutes, he worked his way through an organized line that stretched to the back. Some asked him to sign their backpacks, pieces of paper, headphone cases and smartphones — one boy excitedly ran off with Sharpie marks all over his arm.
“Even if it’s just one kid in here that has some of the same feelings I had at 14, 13, and they’re like, ‘Oh wait, this guy had these feelings but then was still able to go to Stanford, still able to be an All-American, still able to graduate, still able to play in the NFL, maybe it’s OK to feel the way I feel.’ That’s cool that I’m potentially getting through to someone,” Martin said.
Martin said that if he had crossed paths with an organization like Beyond Differences when he was younger, maybe he wouldn’t have rooted his identity in “a pursuit of coolness through football.”
Martin is reflective as he sits down for an interview after the students filter out of the auditorium. He only began speaking at schools two months ago and is still figuring out how best to reach the kids. Life has slowed for him. Since retiring from the NFL with a back injury, he has been living in Palo Alto. He went back to Stanford in December. He also attended college football games and tailgated like a typical fan.
“I get why people are always at football games now,” Martin said, smiling. “It makes sense.”
Reconciling with the game has not come easily. After becoming the center of the highly publicized Miami Dolphins bullying scandal in 2013, Martin tried his best to hide from everything that had happened.
He stopped playing for the Dolphins that year and was traded to San Francisco, where he started nine games in the 2014 season. When asked about his past by reporters, he would readjust the focus to the present. Then, in 2015, as Martin was preparing to play for the Carolina Panthers, who claimed him off the waivers, he announced his retirement, citing a back injury as the reason.
He wanted to disappear.
Jonathan Martin (right) lines up for the San Francisco 49ers. (Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports)
Martin shared his thoughts in a Facebook post after retiring. He revealed that he had attempted suicide multiple times throughout his pro football career. He wrote that he has dealt with bullying his entire life, and he admitted that he has developed a sensitive personality and a feeling of worthlessness as a result. He abused weed and alcohol to cope.
But at the end of the dark post, there was a glimmer of hope: “You let your demons go, knowing that, perhaps, sharing your story can help some other chubby, goofy, socially-isolated kid getting bullied in America who feels like no one in the world cares about them. And let them know that they are not alone.”
One woman in particular was especially attentive to Martin’s words. While most people simply saw a heartbreaking story, Laura Talmus could actually understand what he was going through. Six years ago, Talmus and her husband, Ace Smith, founded Beyond Differences.
The mission of Beyond Differences is inspired by Talmus and Smith’s late daughter, Lili Rachel Smith, who had Apert syndrome, which causes bone malformations, most noticeably in the skull. Lili experienced social isolation in middle school before passing in her sleep at the age of 15.
“I thought how poignant and sad for a larger-than-life football player to get to this point that he felt that way,” Talmus said. “But at the same time, he was using the exact words that I feel nobody uses enough of, which is that social isolation can hurt and can cause us to harm oneself and others.”
Through friends of friends, Talmus was able to get in touch with Martin to ask if he’d be willing to speak on behalf of Beyond Differences. After months of talks, he agreed to volunteer his time and share his story.
Over the course of the past two months, Martin has told his story at 10 schools, and he is happy to do so.
For one, it has given him the opportunity to hone his public speaking skills while delivering a meaningful message.
“Early on in college, I would stutter, I couldn’t even do anything, so having developed that skill, I enjoy it — captivating an audience and weaving a narrative, a tale, a dialogue,” Martin said. “And then just connecting with kids … I try to say things that they can relate to in some capacity.”
More importantly, it has given him the chance to, as he repeatedly said, “(spin) a positive out of a negative.” It has become cathartic for him.
“I had a couple people mention it to me after the whole ordeal like, ‘That is a unique story. No one else has that story.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, but it sucked, and I want it to go away, and I want to disappear, and then I was like, ‘OK, I’m not gonna disappear. I’m still gonna wake up and have to do something. My name is still gonna be Jonathan Martin. I’m not gonna change my name. People are still gonna recognize me so what am I gonna do about it?’ ” Martin said. “Why not do some good instead of wallowing in the past. Why not do something that can positively impact people’s lives?”
Even though Martin says he has moved on from the past, he also hasn’t forgotten what transpired in Miami. He called the entire Dolphins bullying scandal “a steaming pile of crap.” He jokes that he could go on all day, but that he prefers to leave it in the past.
Some may say that Martin wasn’t tough enough to play football and that players have to be bullies in order to survive such a violent sport. To that, Martin brought up his experience playing Stanford football. He said during his time there, everyone respected one another off the field.
“I’ve seen it first hand. It doesn’t need to be the way that it was in Miami,” Martin said. “People will put NFL players on a pedestal, but they’re still people. There’s all kinds of different personalities. There’s a-holes, there’s laid back people, there’s arrogant people, there’s super humble people, there’s insecure people — it’s like any other workplace, honestly. People don’t understand that. It’s just a collection of personalities trying to play a game.”
While Martin thinks about the past and how it could be different, he won’t reach back and mess with it. He said he hasn’t tried to speak to Richie Incognito, one of the former Dolphins who was a main culprit in the bullying scandal.
“That’s another thing that’s convoluted,” Martin said after a pause and a heavy sigh. “Like I said in the Wells report, and like I’ve said before, at a certain level we were friends. We hung out. That’s fact. He’s got his own issues like I had issues with depression related to dealing with all their BS, but I don’t even know if Richie wants to be a bad person. Part of me thinks he just is because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies. It’s weird because we still have mutual friends. I have no desire to ever see or talk to him. I’ll get nothing from it. That’s in the past. I don’t know what his thoughts are and I don’t really care, honestly.”
As for those “mutual friends,” none of them are former Dolphins teammates or have any relation to the explosive incident from three years ago.
“From their (the Miami Dolphins players) perspective, they probably thought I was making everything up, which was fine, but not even giving me the benefit of the doubt made me lose respect for everyone in that building — everyone — so I mean, I’ve moved on,” Martin said. “I hope they’ve moved on.”
Martin can afford to be deliberate while planning his future. Earning his degree in Classics with an Ancient History focus was, he says, the proudest moment of his life so far. But he still isn’t sure what he wants to do with his life.
A return to the NFL is not out of the question. He has a “lingering desire” to step back on the field, but feels now is not the right time.
“I can’t run from who I am or what happened, but I do have a desire to change. I’ve given a lot of thought to trying to play again. And it’s something that, granted, the window will close eventually, but right now the window hasn’t closed completely,” Martin said. “If I really wanted to get back into shape, I was an NFL starter. I started 30-plus games. I was an All-American in college. I was a second-round draft pick for a reason. I was gonna make the team in Carolina. It’s just, I didn’t have the desire to play through this injury, so if I really wanted to keep playing (I could), but I have more to contribute.”
Alysha Tsuji
School was still in session as Martin tried navigating the halls to find the exit. Two students spotted him and yelled “You’re still here?!” They immediately guided him to the front gate that led to the parking lot. One nudged the other and said, “Don’t speak! He’s FAMOUS!” and then proceeded to excitedly follow him out, shouting questions. Her friend told at her to get back inside, they had to go back to class.
Martin laughed and answered her questions about the Raiders before driving away.
“I’ve gone all over the place the last few years. I was nihilist for a while,” Martin said, back in the quiet, empty middle school auditorium. “That’s a depressed mindset. I was just like, ‘OK what’s the point, what’s my purpose.’ I think part of that’s being in your 20s, part of that’s depression, part of that’s transitioning my career. There’s a lot of different components in that. But what do I want? I want to impact people positively because we’re all going to the same place in the end … I think a lot of people could stand benefit from normalizing the idea that it’s OK to confront this issue to stop bullying.”
