RAmily, I need advice. Desperately.

[Angry Ram]

My name is Angry Ram. I use that name in jest to reflect my feeling on NFL game days and the NFL media.

But now, I'm literally angry from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed each evening.

My job situation has gone from excitement to frustration to frustration to constant anger. Basically, I get treated like shit by my direct report and department's director.

When I'm told to do projects, it is always without direction (ironic from the director) on how to complete them and who I should talk to. My only direction is "read the instructions". Well, that won't tell me how to obtain data that applies specifically to the company. Then when I do, and somehow scratch and claw my way to completion, I get berated on how it's all wrong. Even simple things. One of the people at the satellite site requested my director to add some information to some PowerPoint slides, which she (director) simply forwarded them on to me. OK find, I kind of know what is required and even contacted the original requester on what time period she wanted this data from. I jumped through hoops obtaining the info. Sent it for review, got berated as usual and they wanted me to compare this to the number of products that were being produced. Fine, but I don't have production reports, those guys are a different department and are busy doing their own thing. So I take heat from other, genuinely good people to obtain this info, which take some time to get to me. And all the meanwhile, I get harassed by "our" director on me not having it done. Well no shit, you wanted something more that's going to take time. I finally get what I needed, spend another hour compiling this and send it over. Nope. She wanted me to take what was produced and divide it by ton per unit manufactured. This is AFTER I get home. Think about this, something originally was dumped upon with no direction, and I have to do it THREE FUCKIN TIMES over something so trivial that is probably not even going to take 20 minutes when it's all said and done.

Some of you might say, "well ask for instructions on what you are wanting in the first place". Can't, because I I'll get talked down upon and humiliated (often times when others are around). Speaking of others, she'll treat them like absolute royalty. And me? Like complete garbage.

This has been going on since January. But bottom line, I almost snapped last week, and if one more item like this occurs, I will snap. If you have questions or want to hear more examples, please do so.

I've already started looking elsewhere. I don't deserve to be treated like this. Any advice from our great ROD members I will greatly take in stride.

Please help

- Harsh

P.S.: Keep in mind, I have undergone counseling three times, spoken with my company's HR department, and talked to people both internally and personal friends for their advice. Sadly, despite their amazing input, nothing has been working.

 

[LesBaker]

But now, I'm literally angry from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed each evening.

I don't give a shit how much you are being paid it's not worth that.

Get your resume together, and in fact if you need help with it I can do that.

Indeed.com will help you get out of that place.

 

[shovelpass]

You already seem to be at this point, but, just quit. As soon as possible. If you could manage to do it, quit now and take some time off. It'll give you time to process and put all of that bs to rest. I did it as I was about to be promoted. I'd rather go broke with my sanity and sense of respect than stay at a job that I hate.

 

[OnceARam]

Firstly, you are allowing this situation to occur.

Read the book, "No More Mr Nice Guy".

Secondly, never let anyone talk down to you.

Read the book, "non violent communication" to learn how to get your point across without projecting anger.

 

[Merlin]

Be the bigger man and move on. You aren't going to fix poor management, and that company isn't going to succeed for long with managers who are pricks. Make note of the things that failed, too, so when you get your shot at a management position you won't make those mistakes.

 

[RAMBUSH]

My name is Angry Ram. I use that name in jest to reflect my feeling on NFL game days and the NFL media.

But now, I'm literally angry from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed each evening.

My job situation has gone from excitement to frustration to frustration to constant anger. Basically, I get treated like crap by my direct report and department's director.

When I'm told to do projects, it is always without direction (ironic from the director) on how to complete them and who I should talk to. My only direction is "read the instructions". Well, that won't tell me how to obtain data that applies specifically to the company. Then when I do, and somehow scratch and claw my way to completion, I get berated on how it's all wrong. Even simple things. One of the people at the satellite site requested my director to add some information to some PowerPoint slides, which she (director) simply forwarded them on to me. OK find, I kind of know what is required and even contacted the original requester on what time period she wanted this data from. I jumped through hoops obtaining the info. Sent it for review, got berated as usual and they wanted me to compare this to the number of products that were being produced. Fine, but I don't have production reports, those guys are a different department and are busy doing their own thing. So I take heat from other, genuinely good people to obtain this info, which take some time to get to me. And all the meanwhile, I get harassed by "our" director on me not having it done. Well no crap, you wanted something more that's going to take time. I finally get what I needed, spend another hour compiling this and send it over. Nope. She wanted me to take what was produced and divide it by ton per unit manufactured. This is AFTER I get home. Think about this, something originally was dumped upon with no direction, and I have to do it THREE freakin TIMES over something so trivial that is probably not even going to take 20 minutes when it's all said and done.

Some of you might say, "well ask for instructions on what you are wanting in the first place". Can't, because I I'll get talked down upon and humiliated (often times when others are around). Speaking of others, she'll treat them like absolute royalty. And me? Like complete garbage.

This has been going on since January. But bottom line, I almost snapped last week, and if one more item like this occurs, I will snap. If you have questions or want to hear more examples, please do so.

I've already started looking elsewhere. I don't deserve to be treated like this. Any advice from our great ROD members I will greatly take in stride.

Please help

- Harsh

P.S.: Keep in mind, I have undergone counseling three times, spoken with my company's HR department, and talked to people both internally and personal friends for their advice. Sadly, despite their amazing input, nothing has been working.

Tell your boss to piss up a rope. Money ain't worth your health and happiness.

 

[bnw]

First,

DO NOT GET ANGRY!!!!!!!!

I also concur with the advice from OnceARam to not take that shit, ever and to comport yourself professionally.

BUT BE SMART ABOUT IT.

You already know you have to leave so stand up for yourself in the presence of co-workers and when alone with management. I wouldn't quit unless you know you have a new job to start immediately. Otherwise standing up for yourself may well convince them to let you go and pay your unemployment benefit. Either leave with a new job or leave with your dignity intact through standing up for yourself and having them pay to have you leave.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!

Write the stuff down. What was said to you upon getting the task, to your request for information to do the task, to what was said upon completion. It is more than he said or she said. Managers have their own style and modus operandi. Document it. Keep it PRIVATE and in a SECURE place. It may be important when interviewing or when leaving to put in your personnel file.

I've had to deal with this a few times and it was always from an inferior manager. Rest assured in time they are always exposed. Do not let the shit degrade your confidence. Good luck.

 

[Dieter the Brock]

Yeah- feel for you brother.
The key is not to rage
Be cool
Get the fuck out
But be cool doing it

 

[1maGoh]

I'm going to agree with others who did look for another job. And I'll also say you Might need to be putting up as much verbal resistance to them berating and insulting you as possible. Some people won't respect you until you start arguing and defending yourself. Be careful about it though, and bail out when you can.

 

[RedRam]

There is some very good advice already posted here. All I can add is be the utmost professional. Do not let the get to you. You get paid the same whether you're having a great day or a lousy day. Don't let anybody's ruin your day. When you want to snap and take hostages, again, be professional no matter what. As much as you might want to nuke the place, do not burn any bridges. Be a pro, through and through.

I'm not sure where you are or what you do, but business appears to be doing quite well out here in Silicon Valley. The company for which I am currently consulting is hiring people like crazy. I heard 400 new hires since December and December was slow due to a two week shutdown.

Another thing...Early in my career I got pissed off at the company president over a raise, argued with the knothead, and was told if I thought I could do better then go for it. Well, I ended up taking a new job on my way home that evening and quit the next day. Well, despite much better pay, the new job sucked worse than the old one. Bottom line? Keep emotion out of the process. It's all about business...Your business! Be a consummate professional.

And if you're a prayful man, well, I guess I don't need to tell you what else to do about the job scene...

 

[Angry Ram]

I don't give a crap how much you are being paid it's not worth that.

Get your resume together, and in fact if you need help with it I can do that.

Indeed.com will help you get out of that place.

Yes, but regardless if I quit or get canned, my fear is that this is going to be looked very negative by any future employers. Why couldn't I hold on for barely 6 months? It was very difficult finding this one, let alone others.

You already seem to be at this point, but, just quit. As soon as possible. If you could manage to do it, quit now and take some time off. It'll give you time to process and put all of that bs to rest. I did it as I was about to be promoted. I'd rather go broke with my sanity and sense of respect than stay at a job that I hate.

I will not quit. I like the field that I'm in. I'm currently trying to make this as a glorified, paid, training job and take what I learn here and NOT apply it elsewhere.

Firstly, you are allowing this situation to occur.

Read the book, "No More Mr Nice Guy".

Secondly, never let anyone talk down to you.

Read the book, "non violent communication" to learn how to get your point across without projecting anger.

No matter what I do, I try to be firm and assertive, I get nowhere and dig my hole even deeper. I have not projected my anger, yet, I suck it up and simply say "OK". And, at the end of the day, I know for sure she's 100% wrong on doing certain things, but I will say "OK" and do what she wants. Then she'll know. This actually happened today.

Be the bigger man and move on. You aren't going to fix poor management, and that company isn't going to succeed for long with managers who are pricks. Make note of the things that failed, too, so when you get your shot at a management position you won't make those mistakes.

I will not quit. This field is NOT difficult to implement. Our department is terribly organized and priorities are not defined, let alone carried out.

Tell your boss to tick up a rope. Money ain't worth your health and happiness.

Ha, I wish it were that easy.

First,

DO NOT GET ANGRY!!!!!!!!

I also concur with the advice from OnceARam to not take that crap, ever and to comport yourself professionally.

BUT BE SMART ABOUT IT.

You already know you have to leave so stand up for yourself in the presence of co-workers and when alone with management. I wouldn't quit unless you know you have a new job to start immediately. Otherwise standing up for yourself may well convince them to let you go and pay your unemployment benefit. Either leave with a new job or leave with your dignity intact through standing up for yourself and having them pay to have you leave.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!

Write the stuff down. What was said to you upon getting the task, to your request for information to do the task, to what was said upon completion. It is more than he said or she said. Managers have their own style and modus operandi. Document it. Keep it PRIVATE and in a SECURE place. It may be important when interviewing or when leaving to put in your personnel file.

I've had to deal with this a few times and it was always from an inferior manager. Rest assured in time they are always exposed. Do not let the crap degrade your confidence. Good luck.

I am documenting everything, and rest assured I am keeping my anger in check, but then again that's not healthy either. I agree with you, again I'm not quitting.

Yeah- feel for you brother.
The key is not to rage
Be cool
Get the freak out
But be cool doing it

Easier said than done, but I'm trying man.

I'm going to agree with others who did look for another job. And I'll also say you Might need to be putting up as much verbal resistance to them berating and insulting you as possible. Some people won't respect you until you start arguing and defending yourself. Be careful about it though, and bail out when you can.

I have started the process. I agree, she definitely doesn't respect me. If she berates me or humiliates me in person I will escalate it (professionally of course)

There is some very good advice already posted here. All I can add is be the utmost professional. Do not let the get to you. You get paid the same whether you're having a great day or a lousy day. Don't let anybody's ruin your day. When you want to snap and take hostages, again, be professional no matter what. As much as you might want to nuke the place, do not burn any bridges. Be a pro, through and through.

I'm not sure where you are or what you do, but business appears to be doing quite well out here in Silicon Valley. The company for which I am currently consulting is hiring people like crazy. I heard 400 new hires since December and December was slow due to a two week shutdown.

Another thing...Early in my career I got ticked off at the company president over a raise, argued with the knothead, and was told if I thought I could do better then go for it. Well, I ended up taking a new job on my way home that evening and quit the next day. Well, despite much better pay, the new job sucked worse than the old one. Bottom line? Keep emotion out of the process. It's all about business...Your business! Be a consummate professional.

And if you're a prayful man, well, I guess I don't need to tell you what else to do about the job scene...

RedRam, thank you. I"m doing exactly what you are saying here and trying my best to not let it get to me. Easier said than done. I'm continuing to do my best with what I have available there.

FTR, I'm in Houston with a world famous corporation (I want to refrain from mentioning name right now).

Thank you all, this helps.

 

[Leuzer]

I'm just a 21-year-old stranger on the internet. What I believe doesn't carry much weight as the other members of this forum, but given the situation you are in, and the advice given in this forum already, I would quit.

Immediately.

Don't give them a two weeks notice. Your mental health is being seriously endangered by your boss and you're in an unsafe working environment. You've tried all the options - the HR department, counseling, advice from family - and it just didn't work out. It's unfortunate, but this stuff happens.
(Also, you don't have to act nice to those assholes, but do walk out like a professional. Be the bigger man in this fight.)

Edit: I respect your decision not to quit. I can understand not wanting to leave if you truly enjoy your work. I like the idea that @bnw said about privately documenting conversations. Hopefully, she'll run into some trouble and then you'd have the evidence to back it up.
Best of luck, @Angry Ram.

 

[fearsomefour]

This is the work life for many many people. Maybe most.
Trading time, dignity and energy for money. A lot of times the most valuable asset one has is an ability to take sh**.
There are bad people in positions of power everywhere. There are horrible people that are talented. There are nice good people that have no skills as managers. Finding a spot where you are answering to a smart, talented and good person is the exception. And it ain't close.
You can only invest so much of yourself emotionally.
Someone acting like an ass toward you....well, it is humiliating if you allow it to be.
It takes practice.

 

[yrba1]

You've posted a previous thread about your frustrations and it sucks that it escalated to this. If this is your only job in staying for less than a year, I've heard many employers give mulligans to new prospects that only had less than a year of working at their current establishment. If ever you choose to leave, just try to stay as professional as possible as many others said here. No need to give succumb to anger, just breathe and look into this as a learning experience in hopes that you can better improve yourself in the next organization; conveying the message that you're looking to better yourself and that you're looking for a career, not a job will be a plus for employers.

I'm currently in the same boat as you in a sense that the manager is engaging in a lot of unnecessary micromanagement in a time when it's not busy and we're all doing well: Throwing tantrums over ticky-tack decisions such as putting customers on hold when we're burned out after making 5+ consecutive calls while doing chats and helpdesks simultaneously; multitasking like this is definitely doable but it is NOT sustainable on a full 8-hour shift. Just an unfortunate situation because he's consistently negative to the his own employees, not even providing praise when we're all maintaining a good workflow and keeping most of our customers happy. Even our supervisor is getting tired of his schtick and my department is now just looking to him for input as well as positive praise when we're doing well. I've been working here for over a year fortunately so if I ever reach that breaking point, it won't look so bad on me; overall, just having a supervisor with excellent emotional intelligence offsets having a cutthroat manager and is the reason why I insist on staying here until I feel the time is right.

Maintaining a positive attitude after departure will make the journey easier. Wish the best for you @Angry Ram , we've all had our fair share of hostile work environments. I'll be vacationing to Europe next week so that's definitely going to be therapeutic for my mental and physical health. I'm hoping your current job doesn't deteriorate that in the long run.

I assume you're single, unmarried, and have no kids just like me so just also look at it this way: We're in a better situation in making transitional periods compared to those that made commitments. I honestly feel grateful looking at the twin-sized bed I sleep on compared to some queen-sized bed shared with a spouse; the thought of being vulnerable while having to stay in questionable job situation because of financial prerequisites in raising a family is a horrifying perspective to look at. I'm glad many people in my generation see that notion of trying to find what's best for ourselves until we can settle and share the joys with lifelong partners, and maybe kids.

 

[jrry32]

I'd keep looking for a new job. However, have you attempted to sit down with your manager and talk all of this out? If you haven't, schedule a time, meet with her, explain everything that is making you miserable (including her treatment of you), and see if she is willing to level with you. You might find that when you bring the behavior to her attention, she'll learn from it. However, you must remain calm and approach the issue with tact. Also, be receptive to hearing her out. It's possible that you're unwittingly playing a role in it.(I'm not trying to blame you; I'm simply saying that there are always two sides to the story) I also recommend offering solutions for things that will help you better do your job and making it clear that you value your job and want to do it well.

If that does not work, I'd go over her head. Have a meeting with a superior, explain what's happening, explain that it's not working, give them a solution for how things can function better, and make it clear that you value your job and want to be successful there. There's a lot of risk in this because it will likely anger your manager that you went above her head, so that's why I'd continue to look for a new job and try to have a chat with her first.

It sucks that you're in this situation. Keep your chin up, and keep looking for something better. Work shouldn't make you miserable.

 

[Ramhusker]

I'd keep looking for a new job. However, have you attempted to sit down with your manager and talk all of this out? If you haven't, schedule a time, meet with her, explain everything that is making you miserable (including her treatment of you), and see if she is willing to level with you. You might find that when you bring the behavior to her attention, she'll learn from it. However, you must remain calm and approach the issue with tact. Also, be receptive to hearing her out. It's possible that you're unwittingly playing a role in it.(I'm not trying to blame you; I'm simply saying that there are always two sides to the story) I also recommend offering solutions for things that will help you better do your job and making it clear that you value your job and want to do it well.

If that does not work, I'd go over her head. Have a meeting with a superior, explain what's happening, explain that it's not working, give them a solution for how things can function better, and make it clear that you value your job and want to be successful there. There's a lot of risk in this because it will likely anger your manager that you went above her head, so that's why I'd continue to look for a new job and try to have a chat with her first.

It sucks that you're in this situation. Keep your chin up, and keep looking for something better. Work shouldn't make you miserable.

Like Jrry said, I'd request a meeting with her or just try to pull her to the side in private. Obviously, she must have something going on in her life that's bothering her if she hasn't been this way with you since day one. How old is she? Is she married? Children? Is her boss pressuring her? You never know what someone else is dealing with and she might just be doing a piss poor job of coping and using you as a punching bag. She might not even realize what an ass she's being. But do document everything. You'd be surprised what weight the written word has if you ever need it. It'll go a lot further than you just telling your story later. Write it down. Turn this around in your favor. It might look good on you up the food chain if you are the bigger person. Good luck.

 

[jrry32]

Like Jrry said, I'd request a meeting with her or just try to pull her to the side in private. Obviously, she must have something going on in her life that's bothering her if she hasn't been this way with you since day one. How old is she? Is she married? Children? Is her boss pressuring her? You never know what someone else is dealing with and she might just be doing a tick poor job of coping and using you as a punching bag. She might not even realize what an ass she's being. But do document everything. You'd be surprised what weight the written word has if you ever need it. It'll go a lot further than you just telling your story later. Write it down. Turn this around in your favor. It might look good on you up the food chain if you are the bigger person. Good luck.

Yep. Always document things. Best to have something to cover your ass later. You can also send emails before and after to provide a paper trail. Many lawyers will send emails to their client after a phone call summarizing what they discussed and what they're planning to do just so they can point to it later if the client ever says they weren't told X and Y.

 

[~lyser]

Good advice here. Quit if you can afford to take some time off. Not everybody can, but you can always start looking for something new.

Document everything.

Do NOT EVER EVER let your emotions get a hold of you and act out. The only loser in that situation is you. Never burn a bridge, again that only hurts yourself. Be professional, find something new and work out your two weeks. Do NOT bash your employer when interviewing for something new. People job hop all the time nowadays, don't worry about the six months - just say something like "when I took the position it was explained that they really needed somebody to focus on (x), but I find myself working on most of the time. Based on the job description, it seems you really need somebody to do (x), is that correct?"

You say a big company in Houston - I'm assuming Like ExxonMobil or BHI? Maybe there are internal transfers available?

They say (when I say "they", I mean those assholes that are always offering unsolicited advice) people quit their manager, not their job. Is your manager up for a promotion that you know about? Maybe your situation will solve itself.

In any case, take solace in the fact that your situation will change at some point - you will either find something else or your current boss will move on. That knowledge alone should help you make it through the day.

Good luck!

 

[ozarkram]

Some great advice given in this thread. Many times a new Fresh faced person coming in can be seen as a threat by co-workers and management. The "Hey this guy is gonna take my job." is very real. Is it possible to find a mentor? Many times people are not receptive to this,in that case become a nuisance find someone that is doing well and jump in their back pocket don't let them breath learn all you can from them. Sometimes they will take you under their wing if you show promise. I have worked most of my life in the trades. You don't become a master mechanic,master carpenter.master plumber, master electrician etc over night there is a process an apprenticeship, this can take years and be comparable to hazing much of the time. Many wash out if you will. Years ago the first day on a job and an individual went out of his way to inform me that I was considered the lowest form of life and that he was going to take great joy in making my life a living hell. Which he preceded to do. Karma being what it is years later the company this person worked for folded. And this person was unable to find work in his chosen profession in a town of 400,000 people, not because he couldn't do the work but because his reputation as a royal Ahole followed him everywhere he went. If you do choose to leave definitively have another job first. The greatest freedom we have in this country is the freedom to starve to death. And many times those around us will watch you do it and never bat an eye.

 

[rdlkgliders]

I agree document everything, go back to the start and try and bring a journal up to date. Contact HR one more time with an update and your intention to reach out to your supervisor "director" for a meeting. Present your position with some compassion toward your accused ( you want her ears open ). Be a great listener and have solutions. As a person who manages a lot of moving parts I respect those who bring issues to my attention much more when they also have an idea of what the solution is for them. A linear plan with clear objectives will assist you. Ideally you have another job lined up.
If she has spoken to you in the manner you have described she is an HR nightmare and HR most certainly needs to be aware.
Good luck