JUNKMAN presents: A drunken (but oddly well documented) solution to the Rams QB problem

[junkman]

(With apologies to those who've already read it, this is a re-post from the OTHER drunken solution thread. @Prime Time , this is also in response to the "You Shouldn't Drink and Post" reply to the "High as a Kite" thread)

JUNKMAN presents:

A drunken (but oddly well documented) solution to the Rams QB problem

• You want my opinion about the Rams QB problem? My opinion? My opinion? Pffbff....
• Trade that no good bumm Bradford to the... to the... Toledo Mud Hens for their mascot, and a fifth of jack. And not that gurly honey jack. The real stuff. They should call him Flam Bradford, 'cuz that's what he is. A FLAM. You know what I mean? A FLAM?
• Thbbbbt.
• Then you get... Terry Bradshaw... and Kurt Warner... and Dan Marino... and and and and Boomer Esiason... to come out of retirement and COMPETE for the starting job in training camp. 'Cuz that's what it's all about. COMBIDITION. COMMUNITION. KHAN ONNA MISSION. [don't hurt yourself, drunk uncle]. You gotta create CONSECRATION! Hic. All their "ANALYSIS" just SUCKS, anyway! They need a real job. Ladies like a man with a real job. Those phony jerxses. They're still better than those whipper snappers that come out today. Buncha one-read hippty hoppity whinneeeey babiezzz with their rookie contracts... and endoorzmens. Endorphins. In dolphins.
• Huh? Wuzzat? Whad you say?
• Read option. Ha! Yeah, read this!
• In my day, quarterbacks were real men. They didn't wear... earrings... or makeup... or dresses... They didn't go on Saturday Night Live and act dummmmb. They WERE dumb, they didn't have to "act" like quarterbacks today.
• Phhtszz.
• Don't know why we even need a quarterback. Kwotter back, shmotter back. We just run that that that... MASON guy. Mason this way, Mason that way... He's fast, y'know... Mason. I mean, who's gonna catch him? Me? You? Yeah, I thought so.
• Thhhkkaaa
• You really wanna know how to solve the Sam Bradford problem? You wanna know? You wanna know. I have.... THREE words for you. Southern. Comfort. You're passed out by the 2nd quarter. Hic. Problem solved.
• Yurrrrr welcome.
• Hic.
• Wherrrrurr my car keys? Get offa me, I can drive.

~~~~

Please come see us next time in future episodes of "JUNKMAN presents:" for:

• A 6 year old with ADHD's meandering (but oddly insightful) solution to the Rams QB problem
  
• A GOP Senator's politically charged (and mercifully abridged) solution to the Rams QB problem
• A German Shepherd's succinct (and adorable) solution to the Rams QB problem

As always, while JUNKMAN happily takes requests, "stop this and go away" does not count as a request.

 

[LazyWinker]

I might need to read the high as a kite but oddly well documented solution. I thought you were being serious and most of all was worried that people were not taking notice of the "think before you post" to heart.

In all seriousness I do appreciate the "think before you post"

 

[SierraRam]

THREE words for you. Southern. Comfort.

OK, you got me - that's funny!

As always, while JUNKMAN happily takes requests, "stop this and go away" does not count as a request.

Keep going brother! This is the type of odd and original stuff that makes the pre-draft doldrums move along