Child issues

[Mister Sin]

Anyone have any experience with fucked up kids. My wife has a nephew who is 13. He has what I would say is the mentality of an 8-9 year old. He also seems to have little to no testosterone. He prances around and dances to Katy Perry songs, shaking his ass and and honestly acting like a female. Neither of his parents have anything to do with him and it's put on my mother in law, whom by the way has stage 4 COPD and is going up to Barnes Jewish Hospital In a couple weeks to get evaluated for a lung transplant. Anyway, this kid has a lot of anger,
I can see it I'm him, and he seems to hold it in. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers and also another doctor said he didn't have it, so that's helpful. He is a big kid, prolly 5'7 or so and about 180lbs. And over the last few months has gotten to a point that he gets aggressive with my mother in law and my wife. I drove out there and threatened to throw him a beatin if I heard of it happening again and he seems to have calmed down since, but my problem lies with that fact that my mother in law watches my kids 3 days a week. I'm so scared that this kid is fucked up to the point that he may try and take his aggression out on one of my kids and hurt them badly. Everyone thinks I'm overreacting and I watch to much Law and Order SVU. But I see the makings of something dangerous. Judging by what I told you, do you guys think I may be out of line? The only thing we all agree on is that something isn't quite right with him. I think that's a huge fucking understatement.

 

[LosAngelesRams]

Sorry to hear about that Jugg, I agree with Prime go with your instincts. I feel like since i'm not there to see/read the kid I cant really tell you if your overreacting, from what your saying though, no. When my son was 3 we had him in a day care with a older / really aggressive kid. one day I picked up my son and he had a black eye, I was pissed, turns out that little shit hit my son in the eye with a toy hammer.

 

[Dodgersrf]

Unsure about your nephew, but as far as your kids go I would watch them closely.
I don't believe you can be to over protective with your kids well being.

 

[Tron]

Personally i dont think your out of line at all. Its your family and kids. If you feel he might be a danger to them in anyway you are not over reacting. Hard situation to asses.

 

[CGI_Ram]

I feel for you Juggs. I wish there was a text book for things like this.

As a parent myself; I survived their early teens, but never had any disorders to navigate.

I do think there is some truth to the fear of things going bad, based on stuff we see in the news. It's a big world with a lot of problems... The news-making stuff is very rare and feels closer to home than it really is.

That said; you'll never second guess yourself by trusting your gut.

 

[rhinobean]

You can never be too protective of your family!!!!!! Get him evaluated again and express your concerns with the evaluator! May just be the lack of caring the boy feels and is acting on but, better think twice about letting it slide! IMHO.

 

[Mister Sin]

I know the school insisted he be on medicine to be allowed to attend. Personally I can't stand the kid, but he's my wife's nephew and is ALWAYS around. I don't care if he is crazy, I care that he is crazy and around my kids.

 

[RamzFanz]

Go with your gut. I agree with bean.

 

[Oldgeek]

Agree with the others, go with your gut. You may hurt some feelings, but better that than one of you kids getting hurt. It sounds like a little male firm direction might be what he needs. My stepson was 13 when I married my second wife. His biological dad was one of those, "the world owes me" guys. I raised him with the same firm rules my daughters got and he's doing well now. That said, it isn't easy to turn things around when they've been screwed up for a while. I feel for you buddy.

 

[cracengl]

Aspergers would make difference I guess, but it sounds like maybe he needs a role model. Maybe you could try taking him fishing one on one or to shoot hoops or whatever....

If his parents don't have anything to do with him, then he probably needs a male influence to let him know Katy Perry booty shaking is kinda not cool. If you give it a shot and he doesn't respond, then at least you tried. I just know there seems to be a lot of kids these days who get shut out and given up on. Then they become America's next burglars, drug dealers, school shooters, etc. On the flip side a lot of kids get babied and told how special they are and that nothing is their fault and live owes them shit. That's just as bad. So I guess I'm just saying, someone needs to teach him how to man up. If him doing so will benefit you and yours, then who better to do it than you?

 

[RamFan503]

Some good points here. I've had kids around mine that just wanted a dad - any dad - to treat them as a normal kid. That included getting on them when they were trying to be a freak show to get attention. But your kids need to always come first. Personally, you couldn't get me to not step in if he was being aggressive with my wife and/or mother in law. If you think he could do something to harm them or if you think your kids may learn some of this kind of behavior from him, you may really want to figure a way to get them out of this situation.

Otherwise, I would suggest - as cracengl was saying - trying to figure out a way to work your way into his life if possible. And though you might not feel that comfortable in doing it, calling him out on his behavior is probably going to need to be part of it. If he snaps at that, it may be better he do it at you than someone smaller or weaker. Call him on it then have him help you move some furniture or do something that needs his strength. Just a thought.

Tough situation though Juggs. I've always said that you can mess with me and I'll generally shrug it off. But mess with my family? I don't think so.

 

[Mister Sin]

This kid gets spoiled by my mother in law. He will not eat anything but chicken nuggets and fries for his meals. I try and tell her to tell him that he will eat what she makes or not eat at all. She refuses. He has several game systems and talks about killing zombies all the damn time. I tried to let him shoot some guns with me last week...that was terrible "OMG (that's what he said, not oh my god) that's so loud..." My father in law was there, but he died in January. So I guess I'm the closest he has, but I honestly don't have the patience. I have my own kids that I'm trying to be a male role model for. I don't have time to spend with this kid. I really want to call the state and tell them he needs to be placed somewhere. The most fucked up thing about the situation is that his father pays child support(sometimes) and the mother keeps it. While my mother in law has to carry the load. I can't believe I'm so close to such bull shit. Seems like stupid shit is always finding me

 

[Mister Sin]

@RamFan503 oh, I jump his ass. Everytime he gets to acting stupid I call him out and they all jump on me that I'm being a dick. On the 4th, the kid reached into a cake, took a piece out and was walking around with icing and shit dripping from his hand eating it. Everyone just looked at him and didn't say shit. I jumped up and went off on his ass. The only other person that is firm with him is my sister in law, but she is a bitch when she shouldn't be. Idk, it's just a bad situation. I told my wife I want to find a different babysitter and she turned into überbitch.

 

[RamFan503]

If your mother in law is enabling, that's going to make it even tougher from your position. Letting the kid eat what he wants is setting a bad tone. And bad diet in and of itself is not going to help the kid either. Maybe it's your mother in law who needs the tough love. Have her help you move the furniture.

Sorry to hear you're going through this shit Juggs. Bottom line though, I would do whatever it takes to either get your kids out of the situation or figure a way to insert yourself as that male influence. If nothing else, I think you'll get a better idea of what the kid may be capable of. But I get it. You barely have time as it is. Adding someone else's problem child is very tough.

 

[RamFan503]

@RamFan503 oh, I jump his ass. Everytime he gets to acting stupid I call him out and they all jump on me that I'm being a dick. On the 4th, the kid reached into a cake, took a piece out and was walking around with icing and crap dripping from his hand eating it. Everyone just looked at him and didn't say crap. I jumped up and went off on his ass. The only other person that is firm with him is my sister in law, but she is a bitch when she shouldn't be. Idk, it's just a bad situation. I told my wife I want to find a different babysitter and she turned into überbitch.

Man - I feel for yuh. I would have been that guy jumping his shit too. Fortunately, NO ONE in my family would put up with that shit from anyone once they set foot on any of our properties.

I got into it with a parent at a birthday party for a friend of my kids for that exact thing. Caused quite a scene because it was in a local little pizza place. The little puke went and reached right into the middle of the birthday cake, grabbed a piece and started to walk off with it. Should have seen the wide eyes from my boys. I grabbed his grubby little hand, made him put the cake in a napkin and throw it away. Then I told him to find his parents and tell them what he had done. He went off crying and the next thing I know his bitchy little dad is telling me I better not touch his kid ever again. I just looked at him and said, "Fuck you. Teach your kids some manners." They left in a huff. Gee darn.

Unfortunately, last I heard (several years ago) the little punk was still being a little bitch and was always in the principal's office. The kid doesn't have a chance and it's his parents that are at fault.

 

[Angry Ram]

My nephew is similar to this. He's 21 now, but when he was a kid he was terrible. He always was causing trouble, and not the kind of boys doing stupid things. Like he would physically hit people (including me), cry whenever his parents told him to stop, etc.

He was spoiled as well. Always got what he wanted, ice cream, fast food, pizza, etc. He got really, really fat because of that. Actually, obese is more like it. Now, I like cheese as much as the next guy, but I don't need to put fistfuls of the stuff on, IDK EVERYTHING.

The good news from this is that now, at 21 he's working and has got his weight under control and doesn't do shit like he did as a kid. But the bad news is he does stupid adult stuff. Like he'll go out and drink (very heavily) and party all night. I sure as hell hope he doesn't drive after doing that. He also does stupid things during driving, like one time he had one of his friends on the passenger side hold the accelerator down while he stuck his entire body out the window screaming.

I still am concerned b/c now if he does something stupid, it might cost him his life. But at the same time, even though he's family the parents, even at 21, need to really control him.

 

[Thordaddy]

@RamFan503 oh, I jump his ass. Everytime he gets to acting stupid I call him out and they all jump on me that I'm being a dick. On the 4th, the kid reached into a cake, took a piece out and was walking around with icing and crap dripping from his hand eating it. Everyone just looked at him and didn't say crap. I jumped up and went off on his ass. The only other person that is firm with him is my sister in law, but she is a bitch when she shouldn't be. Idk, it's just a bad situation. I told my wife I want to find a different babysitter and she turned into überbitch.

Then you need to change wives,half kidding .
People get blinded by family,your wife needs to defend YOUR family (your's and her's) not hers, put your big boy pants on ,put your foot down and go find a baby sitter with huge knockers and a thing for older men

 

[raised_fisT]

Jugg.... do right by YOUR family, bro. Can't worry about stepping on someones toes or rubbing someone the wrong way when your babies are at risk. As a father you have ONE job, dude. Take care of your family.. PERIOD. I get the same looks and comments thrown my way because I'm firm and tough on my kids and nephews.. but my kids are straight A students and have their heads on straight. I couldn't care less about anyone elses opinion. My kids are safe, happy and healthy. Thats the bottom line.

I used to work with autistic children a while back and what you are describing sounds eerily similar. I believe Aspergers is a lesser severe condition, but either way, there is a lack of ability to function normally in a social setting. The whole picky eating thing and odd behavior sounds all too familiar. I worked with kids who were very high functioning and very calm and quiet But I also worked with a few who would lose their shyte at the smallest of things. A few times the kid would lash out and there was one who at one point "stabbed" another student near the eye with a pencil. Could have blinded the poor kid. DOn't mean to scare you man, but honestly its better to be safe than sorry.

I sure as hell don't want your next post to be about how you had to beat down this kid cuz he smacked one of your children or worse. ABORT, ABORT.

Good luck. It's a tough situation to be in, no doubt.... but if theres ever any doubt.. then there is no doubt. Right?


*** On a sidenote. I'm from the old school. I got spanked as a kid and am not a huge fan of this time-out shyte. I don't hit my kids with a reckless abandon, but they have been hit before after a few stern warnings have gone ignored. When I did hit them, they knew why and I gave them a hug shortly thereafter.

That being said.. I always felt that A LOT of the kids I worked with would have been WAAAYYY better off if their parent(s) weren't such ignorant, lazy sacks of shyte. The involved and informed parents ALWAYS had the more well adjusted kids. And to be honest those kids I STILL have contact with and are ALL going to college this year and next year. It's the parents who ignore the behavior and deny there is an issue in the first place that make things that much worse. Can't fix the problem if you don't believe one exists.

 

[RhodyRams]

Juggs, I don't know how old your Mom in Law is, but if the kid has ever threatened any physical harm to her, one course of action would be to report it to the authorities. Assault on a senior citizen could have some harsh penalties, and a visit from the police may just straighten him out enough to be tolerable. Tough situation having to call the police and a family member, but sometimes it is the only way to go.

Good Luck

 

[Mister Sin]

I'll knot hit fucking head if I hear of him threatening anyone again. I think I got my point across pretty well when last there. Now he is kissing ass and telling his grandma to tell me the good he is doing. He understand now that I won't tolerate his shit anymore. I told him the price of diesel ain't cheap and if I have to make the trip out there to whoop his ass, I'm gonna make it well worth it. Lol