Bad news, people.

[RamzFanz]

I ubered as a driver hauling drunks and hot chicks around last night to rack up the extra cash (not for the kids college fund, for my game 14 buying into a suite fund!). Made over $300. But I rolled in at 4 AM needing a drink and now, it seems, I'll have to stay awake and drink my way through the game with no sleep.

DAMN YOU 5 hour energy shots! It's like taking Viagra and lasting 5 minutes like @-X- , and now what?! Yes, you're still working, but so the fuck what?! I want to go to sleep!

It may get ugly around here if we win AND I'm still awake! And we WILL win!

Go Rams!




Oh, by the way, if you want to overhear the best college sex stories from chicks you just picked up at a strip bar on the East Side on accident, who WENT THERE to see the strippers?

Hi, I'm your Uber driver Brian, are you Robin? No? Fuck him, get in, he can work out the fee with Uber.


Sports talk with passengers, sports on the radio, Cards, Blues, College football... Rams? Crickets.

Want to bet that changes by mid-season?


I had the hottest 30 year old chick I've ever met insist that I give her my number to be her personal driver, not in an uppity way, she loved how I drove smooth and safe and we chatted the whole hour, after she had me drop her entire crew of 4 hot ladies at their houses. $114, she made her boy tip me because he cried about the cost. Don't marry her boy. Don't do it. She also tried to hook me up with her half sister because they hate her boyfriend. Her half sister was sitting right there and was so freaking hot I said... I'm 50, driving an Uber, and expecting grandkids soon if I can't get my 14 year old to stop wearing yoga pants. Yes, I said that.

Hot chick said I was the best she ever had. She may have meant my driving, but I don't except that.


Is this off topic? No! I'ts a game day thread about why RamzFanz is up a 6:16 ready for some Rams football!

 

[kurtfaulk]

.

Did you offer the waive their fee if they.........you know?

.

 

[RamzFanz]

.

Did you offer the waive their fee if they.........you know?

.

I don't know...did a stand up comedy act? Danced a jig? Could sing in harmony? You lost me.

 

[HX76]

Fanz son! Love your work here. Absolute passion!

 

[RamzFanz]

Fanz son! Love your work here. Absolute passion!

Dude, from now on when hot 30 year old and her crew uses my services, I'm going to be slowly teaching them about the Rams and this great deal I heard about to get a spot in a suite for a mear $400 each.

Did I tell you she gave me a bottle of wine too? She and I had been to all the same places in Hawaii, jumped off the same cliffs (she pointed out that boy wouldn't jump, don't marry her boy, please, for your soul, don't), snorkeled the same bays, surfed the same beaches, me as a poor teen and her as a spoiled rich chick? She actually could recall AND pronounce their names. Amazing. Very cool person with no pretensions other than owning boy.

 

[RamzFanz]

SUN'S OUT! GUNS OUT! Let's go Rams!

 

[RamzFanz]

By the way...tip your god damned Uber driver if he takes good care of you. WTF is it with not tipping?! You'll kick your pizza driver a few buck for a safely delivered pie crust with sauce, cheese, and food like oddities but stiff someone who carried you 3 times as far for less and delivered you to home safe and sound and made sure you made it into the house OK? Who gave you cold refreshing water after a night out drinking? Who let you choose the music and control the temperature? Who opened and closed the door for you? Who gave you gum or mints or Aspirin?

I swear to god. Don't people know that service jobs are for tips? I watch people hand out cash every day to people JUST FOR HOLDING A CARDBOARD SIGN! What happened?


Don't get me wrong, an Uber driver kills it in the wee hours on the weekend, but they are GIVING UP wee hours on the weekend to deliver you home safe and sound when you could be in a jail, hospital or morgue. Other times, they make shit. TIP.

 

[CGI_Ram]

By the way...tip your god damned Uber driver if he takes good care of you. WTF is it with not tipping?! You'll kick your pizza driver a few buck for a safely delivered pie crust with sauce, cheese, and food like oddities but stiff someone who carried you 3 times as far for less and delivered you to home safe and sound and made sure you made it into the house OK? Who gave you cold refreshing water after a night out drinking? Who let you choose the music and control the temperature? Who opened and closed the door for you? Who gave you gum or mints or Aspirin?

I swear to god. Don't people know that service jobs are for tips? I watch people hand out cash every day to people JUST FOR HOLDING A CARDBOARD SIGN! What happened?


Don't get me wrong, an Uber driver kills it in the wee hours on the weekend, but they are GIVING UP wee hours on the weekend to deliver you home safe and sound when you could be in a jail, hospital or morgue. Other times, they make crap. TIP.

 

[ScotsRam]

You should have given her the tip.

 

[junkman]

.

Did you offer the waive their fee if they.........you know?

.

I don't know...did a stand up comedy act? Danced a jig? Could sing in harmony? You lost me.

Oh, you are so coy. Let me ask differently.

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a passenger? (you're obviously into some kinky $#!+ with your jig dancing and in-harmony singing) So much so that you would have felt dirty not having uber refund their fare? Sorta like a modern "oh don't worry about leaving money on the dresser, this one is on me", except that uber billing throws off that dynamic.

Anyway, the reason we ask is that we're mostly a bunch of lecherous old men who enjoy our few opportunities to live vicariously through others, especially those that get to spend more time alone with hot drunk (disinhibited) women than we do.

Are the Rams playing today?

 

[Athos]

Thread of the month my man!

and I think what junan is saying is......

Did you let her dance w jig in your wh, lap?

And if not. Tell me next time and I'll gladly drive for that honor while you get the $$$.

 

[DaveFan'51]

I ubered as a driver hauling drunks and hot chicks around last night to rack up the extra cash (not for the kids college fund, for my game 14 buying into a suite fund!). Made over $300. But I rolled in at 4 AM needing a drink and now, it seems, I'll have to stay awake and drink my way through the game with no sleep.

DAMN YOU 5 hour energy shots! It's like taking Viagra and lasting 5 minutes like @-X- , and now what?! Yes, you're still working, but so the freak what?! I want to go to sleep!

It may get ugly around here if we win AND I'm still awake! And we WILL win!

Go Rams!




Oh, by the way, if you want to overhear the best college sex stories from chicks you just picked up at a strip bar on the East Side on accident, who WENT THERE to see the strippers?

Hi, I'm your Uber driver Brian, are you Robin? No? freak him, get in, he can work out the fee with Uber.


Sports talk with passengers, sports on the radio, Cards, Blues, College football... Rams? Crickets.

Want to bet that changes by mid-season?


I had the hottest 30 year old chick I've ever met insist that I give her my number to be her personal driver, not in an uppity way, she loved how I drove smooth and safe and we chatted the whole hour, after she had me drop her entire crew of 4 hot ladies at their houses. $114, she made her boy tip me because he cried about the cost. Don't marry her boy. Don't do it. She also tried to hook me up with her half sister because they hate her boyfriend. Her half sister was sitting right there and was so freaking hot I said... I'm 50, driving an Uber, and expecting grandkids soon if I can't get my 14 year old to stop wearing yoga pants. Yes, I said that.

Hot chick said I was the best she ever had. She may have meant my driving, but I don't except that.


Is this off topic? No! I'ts a game day thread about why RamzFanz is up a 6:16 ready for some Rams football!

:eek: .. .. .. " Never mind .... "

 

[RamzFanz]

The Rams are winning today. I give my Uber 5 star guarantee with a TIP.

I'm only doing Uber for throwaway money, games, booze, extras (I like single dollar bills for future untaxed use )

I'm a married man. I always express that and when a rider chooses Uber, the picture that comes up is me and my wife from the Mayor's ball. All intentional of course. Gotta sell security and safety,

Then I fuc... tell them about my family and the kids needing college funds, on the sly, of course.

I kid you all, I couldn't care less about the cheescake other than to entertain them, but a young man on the hunt would crush it. It's like 100% opportunity. I'm 50, not so good looking anymore, driving Uber (not that I need to, but they don't know that), and I would bet my last $ROD that I could tag it nightly. I have 10 vans full of intoxicated ladies a night, the odds are on my side.

When you turn 50... you need to work the odds. Not that I would you sick fucks.

 

[RamzFanz]

Oh, you are so coy. Let me ask differently.

Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a passenger? (you're obviously into some kinky $#!+ with your jig dancing and in-harmony singing) So much so that you would have felt dirty not having uber refund their fare? Sorta like a modern "oh don't worry about leaving money on the dresser, this one is on me", except that uber billing throws off that dynamic.

Anyway, the reason we ask is that we're mostly a bunch of lecherous old men who enjoy our few opportunities to live vicariously through others, especially those that get to spend more time alone with hot drunk (disinhibited) women than we do.

Are the Rams playing today?

Do we have the same sense of humor or are you stalking me for my Uber cast offs?!? Should I call the police or give you a ride along?

Yes, the Rams play today you sick fuck, and it;s game 2 of an 11-5 season!

 

[-X-]

Hey. I can rock a world in 5 minutes.
You fools who go 20-30 minutes?
You're doing it wrong.

 

[RamzFanz]

Hey. I can rock a world in 5 minutes.
You fools who go 20-30 minutes?
You're doing it wrong.

Just to fuck with you, without you even knowing it, when I so very rarely don't perform, I call it @-X- 's Pina Colada dick.

Go Rams!

 

[-X-]

Just to freak with you, without you even knowing it, when I so very rarely don't perform, I call it @-X- 's Pina Colada dick.

Go Rams!

Jeez, man. I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had so many issues with non-performance that you had to invent a name for it.

Just relax. Women aren't that intimidating.

 

[RamzFanz]

By the way @-X- , what the fuck is with not pinning your Rodcasts? I want to hear them but I find I miss them when I have to be offline a while... Pin them please.

 

[RamzFanz]

Jeez, man. I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had so many issues with non-performance that you had to invent a name for it.

Just relax. Women aren't that intimidating.

Hey Dude, it sometimes happens to us all. I just wanted you to know, I tribute it to you and your example! It's not embarrassing to have Pina Colada dick. There's nothing wrong with that!

We are helping men everywhere understand that even you... well... you know.

 

[-X-]

By the way @-X- , what the freak is with not pinning your Rodcasts? I want to hear them but I find I miss them when I have to be offline a while... Pin them please.

Check my signature, Wilting Flower.
That's your Indian name, by the way.
You're welcome.