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NFL Power Rankings, Week 5: Angry Ranks Week 5

PSA: No ranks next week. I'm traveling for work and will be busy all day; and probably all night. So there's that.

In the meantime, here are this week's ranks. As always I go by overall record, head-to-head matchups, and overall body of play.
Author's Favorite Team
Hollywood Goff?? Anyone?? Too dumb a nickname????
Maybe Patrick Mahomes can make another first: the first player ever to make an announce team get fired for bias?
Not to toot my own horn, but I said this team is gonna be last year's Rams.
Jax has a huge opportunity to shut down KC next week. Hey, Jalen, what's your take??
Nothing like facing the Giants to give your defense a confidence boost.
Big Mover: Gain of 8 spots
Suddenly Joe Flacco is looking like a superstar. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the problem last year?
Playoff Pretender
Every time you watch this team play, you just feel like you aren't watching a good team. You're watching a good team by default.
Big Mover: Loss of 4 spots
And suddenly...they are 2-2 and .500. They are too talented for that, but not looking as strong as they did.
Big Mover: Gain of 4 spots
Ginger power!!!!
That's 3 weeks in a row their defense disappointed. In other words, they got "skoled".
Gee, you gotta feel bad for Matt Ryan. Always being screwed over by crappy defenses.
This team is so boring, I forgot they were even in the league during their bye week.
Big Mover: Gain of 7 spots
3-1 with Mike Vrabel who the Texans made the scapegoat last year. Your play, BOB.
Big Mover: Gain of 4 spots
Hopefully this was just a case of playing the Dolphins, and go back to being "meh". Probably won't happen at home against Indy.
I also forgot about the Redskins this week.
Did Thanos get to Von Miller and Bradley Chubb in the second half or what?
Author's Favorite Team
What a disappointment. Worst Steelers team since the 1960s?
Big Mover: Loss of 15 spots
They didn't even put up a fight. Hey, how many took Kenyan Drake in fantasy this year? Because I sure didn't.
Super Bowl contender, eh?
Big Mover: Loss of 12 spots
Jameis is back and where he belongs....on a irrelevant Tampa Bay team.
You know...for a team that's supposedly "on the rebound" maybe defensively they shouldn't allow 45 points?
Frank Reich's decision to go for it on 4th down inside their 35 year still owns BOB's garbage time TDs.
If only the Cardinals could beat them, it would make shitbird tears so much tastier.
Good job Dallas!! Beat that 1-2 Lions team!!!
Week 1 was fun, eh?
One Pride, One Fail.
Celebrate that victory Chucky!!! It's the first of four this year!!! WOOOOO!!!
Author's Favorite Team
This team is like that annoying fly around a cow pie. Circling around a pile of crap.
Hey, at least defensively, they tried. It's a start. Eli is a gonner after this year.
David Johnson lives!!! Then Steve Wilks ruins him again.
I feel bad for Josh Allen. Get a coach that ruins a 9-7 team and gets rid of any decent players.

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  1. Karate61
    Another entertaining ranking!!! Only ranking I actually read the comments to all 32 btw.

    Many are pushing Goff as "The System"!

    And, how weird is it for the SeaPidgeons to move up two spots, AND still be at 23!
  2. Farr Be It
    Bears #3? Reeeeallly?

    Bills #32? After destroying the Vikes just a week ago? I'd think that would buy them a bump over the Tards.