Your Craziest Drunk Story

[Mister Sin]

After reading @CGI_Ram post about drinking games. It made me think back to some funny ass stories. So, let's here some of your doozies.

One of my favorites...
I'm 29 now, this took place about 6 years ago. Me and my old roommate had a party at our apartment, about 8-10 people , nothing huge, just some friends and some chicks to close out with. So we get to drinking and I have a friend who is a moron sober, so drunk, he takes the damn cake. Somehow after a few hours someone comes up with the idea that we need to use hot wax and wax his gooch. I come from the other room and throw down money to go to walmart and buy the kit. A little later this chick shows up with one. So I have this idiot as well as another fool in my kitchen, bare asses and in a peculiar position with their toes by their ears on their back, and one brave chick is lathering on this hot ass wax....well needless to say, we were drunk and did not properly read the instructions or a $15 kit from Walmart isn't top of the line, but it ended in both these guys losing some skin and bleeding...one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Two naked drunk running around outside an apartment complex and sitting in the snow. I still laugh thinking about it.

 

[MTRamsFan]

I just graduated form high school in 1982 and 10 of us (4 guys, 6 girls) drove from Montana to Seattle and flew to Honolulu for 7 days. (The total cost for airfare and hotel was $450.00.) First night out, (the drinking age was 18 back then) we hang out at this place called the Rock-N-Roll Clinic which was an underground bar with live bands. A few of us get to know the bartender pretty well and so he starts serving us double kamikazes for the better part of the night. We party there for about 4 hours and move our way down the street to another bar called the Jazz Clinic. By this time we were pretty wasted and hang out there drinking and smoking cigars. I don't remember how we got back to the hotel, although at one point we were driving around with a couple local girls. I'm told by one of the guys that I roomed with, that I passed out on the floor in the doorway of our hotel room. The next morning I was woken by house cleaning because she thought I was dead. I stumbled into the hotel room to find one roommate passed out in the bathtub, and the other passed out on the lawn chair out on the deck to our room. This was pretty much the routine for our time there including a couple booze cruises. It was one of the greatest times of my life just hanging out with friends and partying for 6 straight days. I think I was sober only during the drive to Seattle because I was the DD, and on the flight back to the mainland. Best $800.00 I ever spent back then.

 

[CGI_Ram]

My head was used as a watermelon juicer one night in college. Good times!

 

[RamFan503]

A friend of mine and I got really drunk some years back and proceeded to run across the creek below my house. Sounds pretty tame except that the creek bed was full of brambles (berry vines) and as one of us would get hung up in the vines, the other would run straight up his back until he got stuck then the other would return the favor. We were laughing so hard our sides hurt but we just kept going. Of course this was in summer and we had on shorts and tank tops. We looked like we got thrown into a vat of feral cats. My wife just shook her head.

It was a little difficult to explain when I went back to work.

 

[fearsomefour]

Various property damage, bad choices, getting chased down the street, running from the cops and general mis spent youth stupidity.
Decided to go for a hike up Bishops Peak (not a real mountain but big enough as it turned out) at midnight with a couple of friends while hammered. Completely unplanned, both the drinking and the hike. All our flash lights burned out on top, no jackets....then it started to rain. Ended up falling several times, got separated from one friend and sleeping under a rock overhang shivering until the sky got light enough to come down.
Ending up "borrowing" a Porsche I found with the keys in it when I made my way down to get home.
But first a stop at McDonald's.
The funniest part is when I left school the previous afternoon everything fine and normal. There were a couple of friends who were Juniors that wanted to hang out. "Naw, Im doing nothing tonight". Then about 7 am Saturday morning I get out of the Porsche at the McDonald's and there the same two guys are....I look like hell...shirt torn, face scratched, dry blood on my hands, elbows and knees, clothes covered in dry mud AND Im getting out of a Porsche. The look on their faces. I just played it cool. "What's up guys?" It was like a scene out of an 80s teen movie.
The hardest part was hiding the fact I managed to get poisen oak in a very sensitive part....torture.

 

[Thordaddy]

Me and two friends ,under age and from MO, go to a club in Anna IL ,25 miles into that state, get loaded and pick up a bunch of nursing students doing psych training at a mental hospital there,we close down the bar and are heading for the hospital grounds for a blanket party when my friend passes a sherriffs car going up a hill in the middle of Anna. The cop stops us and my friend parks dead center of an intersection gets out and asks the cop "what's the hang up"
SO the cop pulls us all out searches the car and finds open containers and questions us all ,he takes my two buddies to jail, tells me ( I guess he figures I'm the most sober..........wrong) to drive the girls back to their dorm and come back to the Sherriffs office .Ya gotta remember now this WAS 1969. So I do it.
They start with bail at $200 dollars for my two friends and finally settle for $80 and tell us to get out of their state and that I had to drive.So we leave and I'm driving us home about 50 mph and my buddy who owns the car starts mothefuckin me about driving too slow ,I'm tellin him to shut up ,one run in with the law is enough for one night.
SO we get to the Miss. River bridge ( two lane narrow and in bad repair) the guy who owns the car now decides I'm driving too fast and starts in on me about that,I tell him to STFU and he leaps on top of me and starts choking me and when he does his foot comes down on the gas pedal,as luck would have it the car was a manual shift so I push the clutch in and do all Ican to try to keep from hitting the bridge, big Murph sitting in the back seat pulls him back into his seat and he breaks Murphs grip and starts to come back at me so I backhand him breaking his nose and blood is spurting everywhere,Murph grabs him again drags him into the back seat throws him in the floorboard and sits on him until I can get us back to Super D drug store parking lot where I'd left my car. Me and Murph get out and start walking back to my car laughing about all the shit that happened and the crazy guy gets behind the wheel of his car and starts chasing us around the parking lot ,we run and dodge him, he hits Broadway and heads home cursing us as he goes passing ANOTHER cop car headed in the opposite direction who turns and gives chase but they didn't catch him. Me and Murph laugh some more and head home.

 

[Selassie I]

Many years ago when I still drank whiskey,,, I got in a fight with a phone booth and lost. I no longer drink whiskey. That shit turns me into Angry Man.

 

[Mister Sin]

I have another good one.

We used to party at this chicks house who lived with her grandparents. They were loaded and went on vacations like once a month. So when they would leave, we would always have a party there. Problem was, the neighbors were always on the lookout...she lived on a very spacious neighborhood, each lot was probably about 5 acres. So we would have to park down an old road about a 1/4 mile away and sneak in ninja style through fields to get there. Well the party had started and it seemed like there were too many damn people showing up. I looked out the back door and there were about 10 people coming through the field, being as drunk as i was i started runnin my mouth and told them to get the fuck out of here. It turned into an argument. I realized that two of the guys were big as shit and had a reputation for beatin some ass. Im a man who knows my limits...so i turned and walked inside. Problem is, there was a guy there that was similar build and looks as me, and he was headed out to his car. They thought he was me...and started the argument back up, well my look alike, didnt back down and got his ass beat the fuck down. Im laughing while writing this actually, cause the guy that looked like me was such a shit talker. They seriously beat this dude like he fucked their girlfriends. Looking back, i sorta feel bad....until i start laughing. lol

 

[Mister Sin]

I know that was a dick move story. But I shit you not, I'm still laughing. Lol thing is, when someone is gonna for sure take an asswhoopin, I really do honestly prefer it not be me! Hahaha best part, be the end of the night, me and those two were all buddy buddy.

 

[Sum1]

I've got too many to even know where to start.

Shoot...Selassie saw the aftermath of one of my mild drunken stoopers when I threw my arm out of the socket.

I've got an article in a local Cape Girardeau news paper about another...go ahead and google SEMO student cuts himself for that one. To this day I have no idea what happened lol.

 

[RhodyRams]

Many years ago when I still drank whiskey,,, I got in a fight with a phone booth and lost. I no longer drink whiskey. That crap turns me into Angry Man.

hahaha a long long time ago and recently single, I used to drink SoCo and lime, way before it became popular, and hang out at this bar and play darts for drinks all night. One night I was walking home and walked passed another bar that my ex and I used to hang out at. Music was pumping from inside even after it was closing time. Looked in the window and what do I see, my ex in there dirty dancing with the bar owner. I knew she dumped me for someone else, but didnt realize it was this 45 year old dirtbag, who had a habit of turning his girls into coke whores and then dumping them. I flipped grabbed one of the old galvanized garbage cans that was at the curb, and threw it thru the front picture window of the bar. Problem was,the damn window was plexiglass and it bounced right off and sliced the hell out of my shoulder !!!. Dirtbag came running out of the bar with a baseball bat . Ex came running up to me when she saw blood all over my shirt, which stopped him from swinging at me, but didnt stop him from pressing charges. Spent the night in the drunk tank, released on a PTA and that was that.


My ex...well she has been my wife for almost 20 years now

 

[Selassie I]

I've got too many to even know where to start.

Shoot...Selassie saw the aftermath of one of my mild drunken stoopers when I threw my arm out of the socket.

I've got an article in a local Cape Girardeau news paper about another...go ahead and google SEMO student cuts himself for that one. To this day I have no idea what happened lol.

Arm-in-a-sling didn't stop Sum1 from taking in a Ram game though.

 

[Sum1]

Arm-in-a-sling didn't stop Sum1 from taking in a Ram game though.

Takes more than physical pain to keep me from supporting one of my teams!

 

[CGI_Ram]

I've got too many to even know where to start.

Shoot...Selassie saw the aftermath of one of my mild drunken stoopers when I threw my arm out of the socket.

I've got an article in a local Cape Girardeau news paper about another...go ahead and google SEMO student cuts himself for that one. To this day I have no idea what happened lol.

Lol... Here is the story, cleansed to protect your identity.

http://www.semissourian.com/story/1178184.html
A badly beaten and bleeding Cape Girardeau man broke into the Southeast Missourian newspaper offices early Saturday morning, apparently after getting into an altercation at a local bar.

Police identified the man as 22-year-old Justin Bieber, a Southeast Missouri State University student, though charges of trespassing and property damage were still pending Monday, said police Sgt. Barry Hovis.

Police said Bieber, who lives at 233 N. Ellis St., busted out glass in the newspaper's front door at 301 Broadway and let himself in at about 4:30 a.m. Video surveillance showed that the man wandered around the newspaper offices for about three hours, leaving pools of blood in several locations throughout the offices. At one point, he slept on the floor for about an hour and a half.

At about 7:30 a.m., the man left the front of the office, which was vacant, and ventured into the circulation department, where he came across an early-morning worker who was making customer-service calls.

"He just came around the corner," said Regina Jones, who has worked at the Missourian for 15 years. "I saw him out of the corner of my eye and my mouth flew open and my eyes got big. ... I didn't think he was going to hurt me. But it was scary."

Jones contacted her superviser, classified manager Mark Kneer, who contacted police. Kneer went to the office and saw that the man was bloody and beaten. One of Bieber's teeth apparently had been knocked out, Kneer said.

"There was a lot of blood," Kneer said. "It looked like somebody had been shot."

Kneer's understanding was that the suspect had gotten into a fight at an area bar and had wandered down Broadway. Hovis said Bieber told police he had no idea how he got the lacerations or how he got into the Missourian offices. Bieber was taken to an area hospital Saturday morning, Hovis said. Charges were pending at the Cape Girardeau County prosecuter's office.

Kneer said the man was disoriented.

"He kept saying he didn't know where he was," Kneer said. The Missourian suffered about $100 in damage, plus about eight hours' worth of cleaning.

He said the newspaper was reviewing its security system.

"We've never had a situation like this before," Kneer said. "He kept singing; And I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh... Like baby, baby, baby, no... Like baby, baby, baby, oh... I thought you'd always be mine, mine"

smoyers@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 137

 

[Sum1]

Bahahaha...you let my secret out. I'm an annoying Canadian pop-star...fahhhhhhhkkkk

 

[CGI_Ram]

Bahahaha...you let my secret out. I'm an annoying Canadian pop-star...fahhhhhhhkkkk

I found the right article, though?

Dude... What were you thinking?

 

[RhodyRams]

Lol... Here is the story, cleansed to protect your identity.

http://www.semissourian.com/story/1178184.html
A badly beaten and bleeding Cape Girardeau man broke into the Southeast Missourian newspaper offices early Saturday morning, apparently after getting into an altercation at a local bar.

Police identified the man as 22-year-old Justin Bieber, a Southeast Missouri State University student, though charges of trespassing and property damage were still pending Monday, said police Sgt. Barry Hovis.

Police said Bieber, who lives at 233 N. Ellis St., busted out glass in the newspaper's front door at 301 Broadway and let himself in at about 4:30 a.m. Video surveillance showed that the man wandered around the newspaper offices for about three hours, leaving pools of blood in several locations throughout the offices. At one point, he slept on the floor for about an hour and a half.

At about 7:30 a.m., the man left the front of the office, which was vacant, and ventured into the circulation department, where he came across an early-morning worker who was making customer-service calls.

"He just came around the corner," said Regina Jones, who has worked at the Missourian for 15 years. "I saw him out of the corner of my eye and my mouth flew open and my eyes got big. ... I didn't think he was going to hurt me. But it was scary."

Jones contacted her superviser, classified manager Mark Kneer, who contacted police. Kneer went to the office and saw that the man was bloody and beaten. One of Bieber's teeth apparently had been knocked out, Kneer said.

"There was a lot of blood," Kneer said. "It looked like somebody had been shot."

Kneer's understanding was that the suspect had gotten into a fight at an area bar and had wandered down Broadway. Hovis said Bieber told police he had no idea how he got the lacerations or how he got into the Missourian offices. Bieber was taken to an area hospital Saturday morning, Hovis said. Charges were pending at the Cape Girardeau County prosecuter's office.

Kneer said the man was disoriented.

"He kept saying he didn't know where he was," Kneer said. The Missourian suffered about $100 in damage, plus about eight hours' worth of cleaning.

He said the newspaper was reviewing its security system.

"We've never had a situation like this before," Kneer said. "He kept singing; And I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh... Like baby, baby, baby, no... Like baby, baby, baby, oh... I thought you'd always be mine, mine"

smoyers@semissourian.com

335-6611, extension 137

I would quit drinking after this... but who am I to judge !!!

 

[Sum1]

I found the right article, though?

Dude... What were you thinking?

Thinking? I don't think I was.

All I remember is taking a step out of the bar I worked at...then I woke up 6 hours later in an office building.

The police said it looked like I had been jumped prior to going into the building...all I know is that I was blacked out. My BAC was still over the legal limit at 8am in the hospital.

 

[Ram Quixote]

I'd like to participate in this thread but I'm 53 and I've never been drunk in my life. Seriously.