The Redemption of Jonathan Martin

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http://ftw.usatoday.com/2016/05/the-quiet-redemption-of-jonathan-martin

The quiet redemption of Jonathan Martin, the man at the center of the NFL’s infamous bullying scandal


By: Alysha Tsuji

SAN LEANDRO, Calif. — When Jonathan Martin arrived to speak at Washington Manor Middle School just outside Oakland last Wednesday, students hurried to greet him and guide him to the auditorium where he would speak. They surrounded him, asking for photos and autographs.

It did not matter to them that Martin, once a second-round pick of the Miami Dolphins, had washed out of football quietly before last season. Or that he is most known for making bullying allegations against his Dolphins teammates. The kids saw only someone who had made it to the NFL, someone famous.

Martin didn’t mind the attention. His stint as an NFL player — as brief and tortured as it was — is what gives him the ability to share his message now. He makes sense of why it went wrong by talking about how it went wrong. The kids listen, at first, because of his fame. His hope is that his message — about dealing with the effects of bullying and depression — reaches at least some of them.

Through three separate presentations — one for each grade — on behalf of Beyond Differences, an organization focused on eliminating social isolation, the majority of the 895 students sat quietly on the floor, listening to Martin share his life story.


Photo by Alysha Tsuji

Martin just received a degree from Stanford. He hasn’t given up on attempting a return to football and isn’t sure what he’ll do if he never plays again. The future is uncertain. But for perhaps the first time he is finding solace in talking about his past. Plunging into his most painful memories is how he now finds peace.

“I’ve known ever since I was a kid that I was different from the other kids,” Martin began.

He slowly paced back and forth while he opened up about how he always felt more sensitive than everyone else.

“I was trapped in my own head often, and I would later learn that I have major depressive disorder, which means you get sad easier than other people, and I get anxiety to go along with that,” Martin said in his first talk to the 7th graders.

Then, for the next 5-10 minutes, he explained how that “trapped in my own head” feeling tormented him all his life — from elementary school to the NFL.

Martin spoke of attending a diverse grade school in Pittsburgh where he said he stood out in many ways. He said he was fat (which drew a few giggles from the crowd), and he was different. He didn’t have the same interests as the black kids, and he wasn’t white, so the white kids didn’t accept him either. His parents had well-paying jobs — a professor and a lawyer — so he was viewed as the “rich white black kid.” He never fit in.


Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

At the age of 10, his family moved to L.A. and he attended a predominantly white school with peers he called “the Hollywood rich and famous.” He may have been labeled as rich on the East coast, but on the West coast, he suddenly became the “poor black kid.” He felt like he was never good enough in middle school. He admitted that he even became a bully himself in an attempt to feel like the cool kids.

Things changed once he began playing football in high school. He fell in love with the sport. Martin said he used “this discomfort and self hatred I had within myself for not fitting in” as motivation on the field. He was aggressive. He got into fights in practice. He had enough talent to earn a scholarship to Stanford where he said he finally felt at home. “Nerd Nation” welcomed him.

“They were weird like how I felt like I was weird in my head, and I flourished,” Martin said to his still quiet audience.

He was a two-time All-American at Stanford before the Miami Dolphins drafted him in the second round in 2012.

Martin also spoke openly about how football nearly caused everything to come crashing down. The taunting and bullying sent him through a “cycle of depression” and he had “a mental breakdown of sorts” and ended up in a mental hospital.

In his third and final talk, to the 8th graders, he shared more at this point of his story. Martin said he would often sit at home on his balcony and stare off into the distance for hours after his games. He brought up an instance where he said that one of his white teammates called him the N-word to his face.

Martin concluded each talk by telling the middle schoolers to consider stepping into others’ shoes. He said he wishes he would’ve loved himself, would have known it’s OK to be different, but that he’s grateful now that he has this opportunity.


Alysha Tsuji

After the end of the 6th, 7th and 8th grade assemblies, the students flocked around Martin just as they had when he first arrived. Standing at 6-foot-5, he towered over the youngsters that surrounded him. Martin smiled and patiently dealt with his crowd. When asked if he needed any help, he said he could handle it. Several requests had to be made over the speakers to get everyone to step away from Martin and go back to class.

During the lunch break, he stood in the corner of the auditorium to make himself available for more photos and autographs. For about 30 minutes, he worked his way through an organized line that stretched to the back. Some asked him to sign their backpacks, pieces of paper, headphone cases and smartphones — one boy excitedly ran off with Sharpie marks all over his arm.

“Even if it’s just one kid in here that has some of the same feelings I had at 14, 13, and they’re like, ‘Oh wait, this guy had these feelings but then was still able to go to Stanford, still able to be an All-American, still able to graduate, still able to play in the NFL, maybe it’s OK to feel the way I feel.’ That’s cool that I’m potentially getting through to someone,” Martin said.

Martin said that if he had crossed paths with an organization like Beyond Differences when he was younger, maybe he wouldn’t have rooted his identity in “a pursuit of coolness through football.”

Martin is reflective as he sits down for an interview after the students filter out of the auditorium. He only began speaking at schools two months ago and is still figuring out how best to reach the kids. Life has slowed for him. Since retiring from the NFL with a back injury, he has been living in Palo Alto. He went back to Stanford in December. He also attended college football games and tailgated like a typical fan.

“I get why people are always at football games now,” Martin said, smiling. “It makes sense.”

Reconciling with the game has not come easily. After becoming the center of the highly publicized Miami Dolphins bullying scandal in 2013, Martin tried his best to hide from everything that had happened.

He stopped playing for the Dolphins that year and was traded to San Francisco, where he started nine games in the 2014 season. When asked about his past by reporters, he would readjust the focus to the present. Then, in 2015, as Martin was preparing to play for the Carolina Panthers, who claimed him off the waivers, he announced his retirement, citing a back injury as the reason.

He wanted to disappear.


Jonathan Martin (right) lines up for the San Francisco 49ers. (Chris Humphreys-USA TODAY Sports)

Martin shared his thoughts in a Facebook post after retiring. He revealed that he had attempted suicide multiple times throughout his pro football career. He wrote that he has dealt with bullying his entire life, and he admitted that he has developed a sensitive personality and a feeling of worthlessness as a result. He abused weed and alcohol to cope.

But at the end of the dark post, there was a glimmer of hope: “You let your demons go, knowing that, perhaps, sharing your story can help some other chubby, goofy, socially-isolated kid getting bullied in America who feels like no one in the world cares about them. And let them know that they are not alone.”

One woman in particular was especially attentive to Martin’s words. While most people simply saw a heartbreaking story, Laura Talmus could actually understand what he was going through. Six years ago, Talmus and her husband, Ace Smith, founded Beyond Differences.

The mission of Beyond Differences is inspired by Talmus and Smith’s late daughter, Lili Rachel Smith, who had Apert syndrome, which causes bone malformations, most noticeably in the skull. Lili experienced social isolation in middle school before passing in her sleep at the age of 15.

“I thought how poignant and sad for a larger-than-life football player to get to this point that he felt that way,” Talmus said. “But at the same time, he was using the exact words that I feel nobody uses enough of, which is that social isolation can hurt and can cause us to harm oneself and others.”

Through friends of friends, Talmus was able to get in touch with Martin to ask if he’d be willing to speak on behalf of Beyond Differences. After months of talks, he agreed to volunteer his time and share his story.

Over the course of the past two months, Martin has told his story at 10 schools, and he is happy to do so.

For one, it has given him the opportunity to hone his public speaking skills while delivering a meaningful message.

“Early on in college, I would stutter, I couldn’t even do anything, so having developed that skill, I enjoy it — captivating an audience and weaving a narrative, a tale, a dialogue,” Martin said. “And then just connecting with kids … I try to say things that they can relate to in some capacity.”

More importantly, it has given him the chance to, as he repeatedly said, “(spin) a positive out of a negative.” It has become cathartic for him.

“I had a couple people mention it to me after the whole ordeal like, ‘That is a unique story. No one else has that story.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, but it sucked, and I want it to go away, and I want to disappear, and then I was like, ‘OK, I’m not gonna disappear. I’m still gonna wake up and have to do something. My name is still gonna be Jonathan Martin. I’m not gonna change my name. People are still gonna recognize me so what am I gonna do about it?’ ” Martin said. “Why not do some good instead of wallowing in the past. Why not do something that can positively impact people’s lives?”

Even though Martin says he has moved on from the past, he also hasn’t forgotten what transpired in Miami. He called the entire Dolphins bullying scandal “a steaming pile of crap.” He jokes that he could go on all day, but that he prefers to leave it in the past.

Some may say that Martin wasn’t tough enough to play football and that players have to be bullies in order to survive such a violent sport. To that, Martin brought up his experience playing Stanford football. He said during his time there, everyone respected one another off the field.

“I’ve seen it first hand. It doesn’t need to be the way that it was in Miami,” Martin said. “People will put NFL players on a pedestal, but they’re still people. There’s all kinds of different personalities. There’s a-holes, there’s laid back people, there’s arrogant people, there’s super humble people, there’s insecure people — it’s like any other workplace, honestly. People don’t understand that. It’s just a collection of personalities trying to play a game.”

While Martin thinks about the past and how it could be different, he won’t reach back and mess with it. He said he hasn’t tried to speak to Richie Incognito, one of the former Dolphins who was a main culprit in the bullying scandal.

“That’s another thing that’s convoluted,” Martin said after a pause and a heavy sigh. “Like I said in the Wells report, and like I’ve said before, at a certain level we were friends. We hung out. That’s fact. He’s got his own issues like I had issues with depression related to dealing with all their BS, but I don’t even know if Richie wants to be a bad person. Part of me thinks he just is because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies. It’s weird because we still have mutual friends. I have no desire to ever see or talk to him. I’ll get nothing from it. That’s in the past. I don’t know what his thoughts are and I don’t really care, honestly.”

As for those “mutual friends,” none of them are former Dolphins teammates or have any relation to the explosive incident from three years ago.

“From their (the Miami Dolphins players) perspective, they probably thought I was making everything up, which was fine, but not even giving me the benefit of the doubt made me lose respect for everyone in that building — everyone — so I mean, I’ve moved on,” Martin said. “I hope they’ve moved on.”

Martin can afford to be deliberate while planning his future. Earning his degree in Classics with an Ancient History focus was, he says, the proudest moment of his life so far. But he still isn’t sure what he wants to do with his life.

A return to the NFL is not out of the question. He has a “lingering desire” to step back on the field, but feels now is not the right time.

“I can’t run from who I am or what happened, but I do have a desire to change. I’ve given a lot of thought to trying to play again. And it’s something that, granted, the window will close eventually, but right now the window hasn’t closed completely,” Martin said. “If I really wanted to get back into shape, I was an NFL starter. I started 30-plus games. I was an All-American in college. I was a second-round draft pick for a reason. I was gonna make the team in Carolina. It’s just, I didn’t have the desire to play through this injury, so if I really wanted to keep playing (I could), but I have more to contribute.”


Alysha Tsuji

School was still in session as Martin tried navigating the halls to find the exit. Two students spotted him and yelled “You’re still here?!” They immediately guided him to the front gate that led to the parking lot. One nudged the other and said, “Don’t speak! He’s FAMOUS!” and then proceeded to excitedly follow him out, shouting questions. Her friend told at her to get back inside, they had to go back to class.

Martin laughed and answered her questions about the Raiders before driving away.

“I’ve gone all over the place the last few years. I was nihilist for a while,” Martin said, back in the quiet, empty middle school auditorium. “That’s a depressed mindset. I was just like, ‘OK what’s the point, what’s my purpose.’ I think part of that’s being in your 20s, part of that’s depression, part of that’s transitioning my career. There’s a lot of different components in that. But what do I want? I want to impact people positively because we’re all going to the same place in the end … I think a lot of people could stand benefit from normalizing the idea that it’s OK to confront this issue to stop bullying.”
 

Roman Snow

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Thanks for sharing the story. Great work Martin is doing making something positive from his bad experience.

A lot of hurting kids out there.
 

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Good on Martin to do this. Hopefully what he's doing helps others.
 

BuiltRamTough

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Every other player backs Richie and likes him except this pussy(Martin). Stand up for your shit.

How did it work out for you? Martin?

Richie is in the NFL and Martin isn't.

Man up son!
 

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  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.co...e-hes-allowed-to-be-in-the-realm-he-occupies/

Jonathan Martin: Incognito is a bad person “because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies”
Posted by Michael David Smith on May 14, 2016

martinincognito.jpg
AP

Now that he’s done with football following a career notable mostly for his role as the victim in a locker room bullying scandal, Jonathan Martin spends time talking to schoolchildren about social isolation. And Martin says his bully, Richie Incognito, thrived in an atmosphere where bullies are allowed to thrive.

“He’s got his own issues like I had issues with depression related to dealing with all their BS, but I don’t even know if Richie wants to be a bad person. Part of me thinks he just is because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies. It’s weird because we still have mutual friends. I have no desire to ever see or talk to him. I’ll get nothing from it. That’s in the past. I don’t know what his thoughts are and I don’t really care, honestly,” Martin told USA Today.

If Martin is right in that assessment, it doesn’t speak well for NFL locker rooms. But nothing we learned about the Dolphins over the course of the Incognito-Martin bullying case reflected well on the team’s locker room.

Martin, however, acknowledges that an NFL locker room is far from the only place where he’s a misfit. In a talk to seventh graders, Martin said that he had trouble fitting in at school, and he has learned that social interactions don’t come easy to him.

“I’ve known ever since I was a kid that I was different from the other kids,” Martin said. “I was trapped in my own head often, and I would later learn that I have major depressive disorder, which means you get sad easier than other people, and I get anxiety to go along with that.”

Martin hopes to encourage young people to be more open to people who are different from them. Perhaps a good message for both young Jonathan Martins and young Richie Incognitos to hear.
 

bubbaramfan

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Grow a backbone Martin. You're a 300 lb MAN. All you had to do is ignore the taunts and do your job and collect that big paycheck. I'd have taken much worse to get paid like you did. Its great that you're helping kids, but you set a bad example by letting it get to you and quitting.
 

Roman Snow

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http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.co...e-hes-allowed-to-be-in-the-realm-he-occupies/

Jonathan Martin: Incognito is a bad person “because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies”
Posted by Michael David Smith on May 14, 2016

martinincognito.jpg
AP

Now that he’s done with football following a career notable mostly for his role as the victim in a locker room bullying scandal, Jonathan Martin spends time talking to schoolchildren about social isolation. And Martin says his bully, Richie Incognito, thrived in an atmosphere where bullies are allowed to thrive.

“He’s got his own issues like I had issues with depression related to dealing with all their BS, but I don’t even know if Richie wants to be a bad person. Part of me thinks he just is because he’s allowed to be in the realm he occupies. It’s weird because we still have mutual friends. I have no desire to ever see or talk to him. I’ll get nothing from it. That’s in the past. I don’t know what his thoughts are and I don’t really care, honestly,” Martin told USA Today.

If Martin is right in that assessment, it doesn’t speak well for NFL locker rooms. But nothing we learned about the Dolphins over the course of the Incognito-Martin bullying case reflected well on the team’s locker room.

Martin, however, acknowledges that an NFL locker room is far from the only place where he’s a misfit. In a talk to seventh graders, Martin said that he had trouble fitting in at school, and he has learned that social interactions don’t come easy to him.

“I’ve known ever since I was a kid that I was different from the other kids,” Martin said. “I was trapped in my own head often, and I would later learn that I have major depressive disorder, which means you get sad easier than other people, and I get anxiety to go along with that.”

Martin hopes to encourage young people to be more open to people who are different from them. Perhaps a good message for both young Jonathan Martins and young Richie Incognitos to hear.
Yeah. I don't support this side of Martin. The initial article seemed to be owning his own issues and making something positive. If this is more his approach, it is more blame shifting and excuse making. I don't support that.
 

So Ram

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How is this have anything tondo with The Rams & NFL ? He is out of the league .
-- The F'd up thing is JAKE LONG ---
Great Rams offensive line. What a joke it took Fisher & Sneed to build a quality offensive line.
-- Real crap FA pick ups. Then he picks G. Rob a 20 year old rookie to start at left tackle..
-- Let's get real. The Rams should have traded the #2 pick to keep the draft picks alive.
-- Freaking Martin was a joke from the start. He never had passion for the NFL game.

Anyway G- Rob & The Rans are in a solid place. Love Gregs upside &!has a passion to be great,unlike Martin.

-- Begin a great doesn't come without dedication. All you all Rams fans can take your shot at Robinson.In the end he will be in discussion with Slater & Pace !!!
A guy like Hav reminds me of A Jon Runyan or the Tackle from Penn St that played for the Redskins. Love those long arms.
 

bubbaramfan

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I'm far from giving up on GRob. As long as he keep trying to get better and has desire and passion for the game, he will succeed. Havenstien sure doesn't looks the part but he quietly gets it done, and like all young OLinemen will get better with time.
 

Elmgrovegnome

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Miami's. coaches told Incognito to toughen Martin up. That says a lot. It is not smart to try to mesh two completely opposite personalities like that. Incognito was not qualified to do what was asked. Richie tried the only way he knew. Richie took Martin as his personal project and Martin played along until he couldn't take it anymore.

Incognito took the brunt of the blame for being incognito. He is what he is and the NFL and his teammates were fine with him. The coaches should have gotten more blame and media attention than they did. And sure Richie is a grown man and should take responsibility but he isn't all there and had a tough upbringing too. What sane person trashes his own car with a baseball bat? The Phins should never have picked Martin if they didn't think he was tough enough and they shouldn't appointed a rough personality like Richie to fix him.
 

PowayRamFan

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Every other player backs Richie and likes him except this wuss(Martin). Stand up for your crap.

How did it work out for you? Martin?

Richie is in the NFL and Martin isn't.

Man up son!
Apparently you've never had your vagina verbally abused the way Martin has:fuelfire:
 

Ramhusker

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Some people just need "safe spaces" these days. There aren't too many "storm the beaches of Normandy" types coming out of college these days.
 

Old Rock

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Some people just need "safe spaces" these days. There aren't too many "storm the beaches of Normandy" types coming out of college these days.
I think I'll give Higbee his "safe space" if I ever run into him and his girlfriend. :fuelfire:
 

HE WITH HORNS

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I feel so bad for a 300 pound "man" that got bullied.
I was a 95 pound kid when I got into high school, and two years younger than everyone else because they kept moving me up in grades because I was smart. This guy is a pussy of the highest order.
He should have at least been able to stand up for himself physically. ZERO sympathy from me.
 

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Redemption for him would be growing a pair and playing football. Not running away like a coward.
 

kurtfaulk

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Wow. Tough crowd. His whole story is he was incapable of manning up. He has a personality defect. He still made his money though, so he toughed it out a few years to get paid. Money is a good motivator.

.
 

…..

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He could have dick punched Incognito and changed history .....

Missed opportunities I guess.
 

Ballhawk

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Miami's. coaches told Incognito to toughen Martin up. That says a lot. It is not smart to try to mesh two completely opposite personalities like that. Incognito was not qualified to do what was asked. Richie tried the only way he knew. Richie took Martin as his personal project and Martin played along until he couldn't take it anymore.

Incognito took the brunt of the blame for being incognito. He is what he is and the NFL and his teammates were fine with him. The coaches should have gotten more blame and media attention than they did. And sure Richie is a grown man and should take responsibility but he isn't all there and had a tough upbringing too. What sane person trashes his own car with a baseball bat? The Phins should never have picked Martin if they didn't think he was tough enough and they shouldn't appointed a rough personality like Richie to fix him.

The amazing thing to me is that all of this is illegal in today's workplace, and yes, the NFL locker room is a workplace. i don't know how they get away with assigning an employee to bully another of their employees without getting eyeball deep in shit from the government!
I'd get locked up if I let this happen to my employees.