LEGEND Make Us Laugh

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RedRam

Pro Bowler
Joined
Sep 28, 2015
Messages
1,905
DDmZfRJXsAAG7IZ
 

threesox84

3rd Generation Ramwagoner
Joined
Mar 26, 2017
Messages
201
Name
Greg
Man walks into a pub with a giraffe and they both get shit-faced. Giraffe passes out and the owner comes by and yells, "Hey! What's that lyin' there!?"

Man shakes his head and says "no it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
 

RedRam

Pro Bowler
Joined
Sep 28, 2015
Messages
1,905
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.....I just bought this hat yesterday!"
 

RedRam

Pro Bowler
Joined
Sep 28, 2015
Messages
1,905
While Bob was sunbathing naked at the beach at Green Valley, for the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman, you'd lift your hat..."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "Madam, if you were better looking, it would lift itself."
 

RedRam

Pro Bowler
Joined
Sep 28, 2015
Messages
1,905
Two old retired doctors, one 72 and one 75, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 75-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even breathing hard. The younger man was amazed at the guy’s stamina, and asked him for his secret.

"Rye bread does the trick. I eat it every day. It keeps your energy level high, and you’ll have great stamina when it comes to the ladies!”

So, on his way home, the 72-year-old stopped at a local bakery and took a number.

When his number was called, the saleslady asked him what he’d like.

“Do you have any rye bread?”

“Yes, and it’s fresh-baked.”

“Well, I’d like five loaves.”

“My goodness, five loaves?! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”

Smacking his forehead, the man said: “I can’t believe everybody knows about this :poop: but me!”
 

RedRam

Pro Bowler
Joined
Sep 28, 2015
Messages
1,905
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
 

Rmfnlt

Rams On Demand Sponsor
Rams On Demand Sponsor
Joined
Jun 3, 2014
Messages
5,342
An man visits the doctor to have his infertility checked.

The doc hands him a jar and tells him to go home and fill it with semen over night and return with the specimen.

He returns the next day with an empty jar.

The doc asks him what happened...

"Well, it's like this... I tried my right hand... I tried my left hand... I had my wife give it a go and even asked my next door neighbor to take a try but nothing.

The doc is amazed... he asks "you asked your neighbor?"

The man says..."yeah... even she couldn't get the lid off that jar!"

:LOL: