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Make Us Laugh

Discussion in 'OFF TOPIC' started by Prime Time, Apr 10, 2014.

  1. Prime Time

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  2. RamsOfCastamere

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    Amazing horse, nice! I have that song memorized
     
  3. Prime Time

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    NSFW language...

     
  4. Mojo Ram

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  5. Boffo97

    Still legal in 17 states!
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    It's time for stupid 49er jokes!

    Once, a San Francisco 49er went hunting. While driving to the woods, he saw a sign reading "BEAR LEFT". So he went home.

    Your turn... go!
     
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  6. Prime Time

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  7. SilverRose

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  8. Prime Time

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    NSFW language...

     
  9. SilverRose

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  10. Prime Time

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  11. SilverRose

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    Three little ducks go into a Bar......

    'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.
    'Huey,' was the reply.

    'How's your day been, Huey?'
    'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.

    'Oh. That's nice,' said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, 'Hi, and what's your name?'
    'Dewey,' came the answer from duck number two.

    'So how's your day been, Dewey! ?' he asked.
    'Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?'

    The bartender turned to the third duck and said, 'So, you must be Louie?'


    'No,' she said, batting her eyelashes.

    'My name is Puddles.'
     
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  12. SilverRose

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  13. brokeu91

    The super shrink
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    [​IMG]
     
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  14. SilverRose

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  15. SilverRose

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  16. SilverRose

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  17. SilverRose

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    These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow

    1.. The patient has no previous history of suicide.

    2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

    3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

    4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was veryhot in bed last night.

    5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

    6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

    7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed

    8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

    9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

    10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

    11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    12. She is numb from her toes down.

    13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

    14. The skin was moist and dry.

    15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

    16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

    17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

    18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

    19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

    20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

    21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

    22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

    23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

    24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

    25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

    26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

    27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

    28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

    29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

    30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

    31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

    32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

    33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

    For the sake of your health - stay away from hospital
     
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  18. SilverRose

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  19. Prime Time

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  20. Prime Time

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