Losing my Dad this week

  • To unlock all of features of Rams On Demand please take a brief moment to register. Registering is not only quick and easy, it also allows you access to additional features such as live chat, private messaging, and a host of other apps exclusive to Rams On Demand.

Ramhusker

Rams On Demand Sponsor
Rams On Demand Sponsor
Joined
Jul 15, 2010
Messages
13,674
Name
Bo Bowen
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #21
We let my Dad go tonight. And I have to share a few lessons my Dad taught me on the way out. My sister and I had about decided that once our niece had arrived from Alaska and my three kids had driven up from Georgia that we were going to decide when to take Dad off of the ventilator. But after meeting with the doctor this morning, we had new doubts. Dad had started breathing some on his own but still had no gag reflex. He had shown signs of kidney damage the day before but had stabilized. The doctor was advocating for two more days or more just to make sure even though he had already said his kidneys were damaged and didn't recommend starting dialysis, that the EEG didn't show probable recovery and that if Dad were to survive, he probably would be bed ridden. After all the grandkids had said their goodbyes, we all went to a lobby to discuss things. A couple of minutes later, two nurses came in and said Dad's breathing had taken a turn for the worse and that the ventilator needed to be increased to sustain him. We asked when did that start? They informed us it was the second we left the room. That was the moment for me and my sister. It was clear to me that Dad had been waiting for the grandkids to say goodbye. So we immediately set things in motion to let him go. Then, when we take him off the ventilator and my sister and I take him by the hands and tell him we're ok, a tear rolls out both of his eyes. Dad taught me in his final moments here that dying people indeed need closure and they feel your presence at the end. I've always heard stories of this but was never sure. I'm sure now brothers. You'll never convince me otherwise now. Thanks Dad! I stand in awe.
 
Last edited:

RamFan503

Grill and Brew Master
Moderator
Joined
Jun 24, 2010
Messages
33,812
Name
Stu
You put a tear in my eye Bo. You take care of yourself and your family. Your dad got to say his goodbye to those he loved. You're a good man. He did well.
 

Prime Time

PT
Moderator
Joined
Feb 9, 2014
Messages
20,922
Name
Peter
Thanks for sharing this intimate and personal time of grief for you and your family with the rest of us, @Ramhusker. Many of us can relate, while others will one day. May you and your loved ones be flooded with strength and peace in the days ahead.
 

Ramhusker

Rams On Demand Sponsor
Rams On Demand Sponsor
Joined
Jul 15, 2010
Messages
13,674
Name
Bo Bowen
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #25
FullSizeRender.jpg
 

Selassie I

H. I. M.
Moderator
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
17,621
Name
Haole
I've been off the site all weekend Bo.

It's warming my heart to know that everyone was able to talk to your Pops. I've read many an article that state that people in his condition really can hear and comprehend what's being said to them. It sure sounds like he was at piece.

My best to you and your family.
 

LumberTubs

As idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean
Joined
Aug 22, 2013
Messages
1,424
Name
Phil
So sorry for your loss @Ramhusker. Got a lump in my throat reading this thread.

I'm glad you were able to say goodbye and that the grandkids were able to do so as well. You'll all remember those moments and be grateful for them in the years to come I'm sure. I can tell that you've taken (and will continue to take) a great deal of comfort from him having hung on until his grandkids had said goodbye. I'm generally a very sceptical person but that's no coincidence.

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Take care buddy.
 

shaunpinney

Hall of Fame
Joined
Sep 20, 2012
Messages
4,805
@Ramhusker my thoughts are with you at this difficult time, reading your words brought a tear to my eye, not a tear of sadness, but one of comfort and gratefulness that your father, who sounds like a great man, was allowed his goodbyes with dignity and you and your sister were brave enough to make the right decision, and he knew it.

I can remember when my grandfather passed when I was much younger and on my last visit to him, he'd been bedridden and unable to eat due to cancer for over a year, but on that last night I can hear him tell me now "I've said my goodbyes now, I'm tired and I'm ready to go, you look after yourself and be who you want to be." Within 5 hours in the middle of the night we took a call saying that he'd passed in his sleep.
To this day I knew he was ready and happy to go, I just hope that when the time comes that I will have that same peace and comfort.
 

DaveFan'51

Old-Timer
Rams On Demand Sponsor
Joined
Apr 18, 2014
Messages
18,666
Name
Dave
My Heart Felt Sympathies Bro!! I remember how broke up I was when my Father passed!! I REALLY feel your pain!!
 

A55VA6

Legend
Joined
Mar 9, 2013
Messages
8,208
My thoughts are with you and your family, Husker! Tough thing to deal with..

I fear the day I lose my Dad. I'm only 25, he's 49.. but my Dad is my best friend and I don't know how I'll handle it when the time comes, hopefully a long time from now..

Stay strong man.
 

FaulkSF

Rams On Demand Sponsor
Rams On Demand Sponsor
Joined
Aug 9, 2016
Messages
5,409
Name
FaulkSF
Ramhusker, thanks for sharing your experience, sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved ones.
 

Memento

Your (Somewhat) Friendly Neighborhood Authoress.
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
16,889
Name
Jemma
My utmost condolences to you and your family. At least you all got to say goodbye.
 

Faceplant

Still celebrating Superbowl LVI
Rams On Demand Sponsor
2023 ROD Pick'em Champion
Joined
Aug 11, 2010
Messages
9,597
Wow. I am so sorry for your loss. As someone who has lost both parents by the (relatively young) age of 44, I know how hard it is to deal with. My father passed last February at 94 years of age. Glad you and your family were able to spend time with him and be by his side at the end. I was not with either of my parents when they passed, and it is a guilt that will haunt me for the rest of my life...rationally or not. Thoughts are with you. Hang in there.
 

RhodyRams

well hung member
Rams On Demand Sponsor
SportsBook Bookie
Moderator
Joined
Dec 10, 2012
Messages
11,754
Bo..so sorry for your loss.

Was going to PM you tonight and see how things were and share a quick story but I'll do it here.

When my mother in law was in hospice everyone had come to see her and there was a constant flow of visitors for days and days. After the initial onslaught of relatives and friends slow down to a trickle, her older brother, who is a priest in FLA showed up after a couple days of flight delays. He came in and sat down, held Margies hand and started praying the rosary. When the last Amen was said, that's when Margie decided it was time to go. She was just waiting and holding on for John to show her the way I guess.

My wife father was the same way..stubborn ol Irishman, held off until St Patricks day....passed away at 12:01 am on March 17th