How To Deal With An Abused Sibling?

[Mister Sin]

I have a younger sister(26). She is, in her own right, a tough bitch, I've seen her smash a beer mug over a dudes face for calling her a C*#T. Anyway, she has been with this dude for about 5 years, he is like 45(kinda creepy right?) and as time has went on, they have turned abusive, never physical, but emotional with threats of violence. I manage a furniture store and have shown up at her house more than once with a big box truck ready to move her out, I've approached him, but he always runs away like I'm going to beat him. (last time he ran and tripped in a mole hole in the yard and fell down...lol) anyway, she has always refused to leave and then today she says "He finally grew a pair of balls and hit me." At this point, im so tired of the little girl who cried abuse but would never leave, that all i can say is "you ready to move yet?" I'm not even mad at him, im just tired of dealing with it. Any advise here? I dont know what to do, maybe one of yall have dealt with this at some point. I look at it like, u knew it was coming and did nothing to get out of it, so deal with it. Should i go choke this dude out? lol I know what Rich would do.

 

[-X-]

You can't beat the guy unless you can be sure he can't identify you. At a minimum you should ask her to go to counseling ... either with him or by herself. But definitely don't choke him out. I made that mistake once. I ended up having to pay $6000.00 in restitution after I got out of jail.

 

[PhxRam]

Whatever you do, be prepared for some backlash from your sister.

You know the typical, he loves me, he didnt mean to do it bullshit.

 

[Mister Sin]

Yea, I don't have the urge to beat him. Hell he has always been nice to me. Every time I came to him, it was just to talk, but he just assumed I came to scratch gravel. She is def not the kind to get professional help. She is hard headed. And I'm not about to go to jail over her being stupid.

 

[Mister Sin]

She looks at it prideful almost I think? I don't know how to handle it.

 

[Ramhusker]

I don't know, maybe a quiet little whisper in his ear letting him know you will cut his fucking hands off if he ever touches your sister again may get his attention. As far as your sister goes, you are helpless. She is going to do what she is going to do. Just let her know you love her and can't stand by and see her abused so you have to do something or not come around as long as he's doing that kind of shit. The ball is in her court.

 

[LosAngelesRams]

Sorry to hear about all this. Maybe you can let him know you do not respect the way he put his hands on your sister and if it happens again there will be consequences.(judicial justice or street justice. I don't know how bad it was or how far you are willing to take it) but from what you have said so far id say you handled the situations very well and like in X's post, its probably not worth it getting caught in all the court, fees, jail, probation or parole for street justice. Its a really hard subject man... I mean you don't want to see your sister beat too, that shit hits home I bet. but at the same time your sister is the one that has to realize what's going on in her life and make the adjustments herself because I know sometimes you can tell someone something/offer help 100000x times and it will go in one ear and out the other until they wake up and see it for what it is and want to change it themselves. Maybe a sit down with your sister can be a good idea too. sorry if I'm rambling :cray:

 

[Flipper_336]

Firstly: you shouldn't resort to violence. It doesn't resolve anything and will probably get you in trouble.

The only thing you can do is talk to your sister. Tell her that you love her and will support her whatever she does but make it clear that she shouldn't tolerate physical abuse from her partner. In time- hopefully- she'll see that you're right and move on from him.

Still, it's her decision and you can't force her to leave his sorry arse. She'll have to work it out for herself.

 

[Selassie I]

I'm gonna say this Juggs... You should take the advice of everyone who has already posted before me. Having said that,

If somebody fucks with my family, especially a female member of my family... I'm not going to be right.

I would, at minimum, be meeting with him face to face and making him think that I was about to kick the fucking shit out of him. At minimum. There would be a crystal clear understanding, one way the other, before I left. This would have happened extremely close to the time that I was first told of this. Not acceptable for me.

 

[bluecoconuts]

My older sister was being abused by an older guy when I first joined the military and was home on leave after first getting to my unit. He was outside by the car and she was inside when we noticed the bruises. I walked outside and smashed his face into the windshield.

It was stupid for several reasons, first I could have gotten kicked out of my unit, which is highly selective, second he was a thug and illegally carried a pistol, plus all the legal issues. Finally it did nothing to end their relationship, and in fact he ended up getting her hooked even more on some pretty bad drugs and she ended up dying from them the next year. He claimed he forced harder stuff on her as a retaliation (which he later said he was lying). Either way, if I could go back I wouldn't have done that.

However I would keep the text, you can report it to the police and use that as evidence. You need to sit down with your sister and loved ones and essentially hold an intervention, then just hope she listens. Otherwise I'm not sure there's much you can do, unfortunately.

 

[Mister Sin]

I appreciate all the advise. I'm not gonna beat him. Halloween was the first time I heard about it, I drove 30 miles and left my kids with my wife at the in laws house. I planned to fuck him up, but he just ran away before I got there. Then over the last 2-3 months it's one story after another. My brother in law(who is truly a scary ass dude) went after him today and once again he disappeared. I talked to my older sister a bit ago and she said she still refuses to leave. I am under the impression that I can press charges on him, but if she denies it, then what, and I'm kinda weary that she will freak the fuck out and not talk to me. Idk

 

[Thordaddy]

Juggs more cops get killed in domestic disturbances than any other ,or so I hear.
People who cry about abuse to you want your sympathy but rarely your action,in fact some enjoy the attention they get from complaining AND the way their complaining enrages the abuser.
If she won't go to the authorities you won't even have that as evidence anything you do is justified.
I faced this from the other end I was 18 my 24 year old sister was dating a 30 year old "bitch slapper" . I faced him down laid out the case , gave him his alternatives , but she still went out with the guy, but never let me know about any "shit" again, they broke up soon there after.
Later the same sister got all her shit stolen from her by a "user" including a lot of my other sister's stuff she was "storing" while my second sis was playin hippee all over Europe. No one told me and my brother and I , for months probably for the best.
JMO but IF you kick his ass It makes him a sympathetic character in her eyes and remember they call it His Story( history)
In the end knowing what I do today, I'd drive her to the authorities sit with her as long as she needed your support, but in the end you acting is as much about you as her.

 

[jrry32]

My older sister was being abused by an older guy when I first joined the military and was home on leave after first getting to my unit. He was outside by the car and she was inside when we noticed the bruises. I walked outside and smashed his face into the windshield.

It was stupid for several reasons, first I could have gotten kicked out of my unit, which is highly selective, second he was a thug and illegally carried a pistol, plus all the legal issues. Finally it did nothing to end their relationship, and in fact he ended up getting her hooked even more on some pretty bad drugs and she ended up dying from them the next year. He claimed he forced harder stuff on her as a retaliation (which he later said he was lying). Either way, if I could go back I wouldn't have done that.

However I would keep the text, you can report it to the police and use that as evidence. You need to sit down with your sister and loved ones and essentially hold an intervention, then just hope she listens. Otherwise I'm not sure there's much you can do, unfortunately.

Wow. I can't even imagine what I'd have done in your shoes.

 

[LesBaker]

Your not going to like this, but I'm going to say it anyway. I hope it doesn't have an effect on our posting relationship.

My sister had a relationship in college that got mentally nasty and borderline physical.

Your sister just said that he finally had the balls to hit her. That means she has been antagonizing him and waiting for it. She is being manipulative and she knows it, she may even be enjoying the cat and mouse game. Part of the reason she is living with a guy that age is he is easy to toy with because he doesn't want to lose that young girl.

She is the problem here more than he is and she needs to go get things worked out. You may have to tell her that you don't want to hear any more about the crap and you may have to stop responding to those type of texts from her.

She wants out of the relationship I bet, but just doesn't have it in her to leave so she is trying to make things miserable enough that it happens organically or he decides to leave. That way she isn't the one with guilty feelings.

She sounds kinda immature for her age but that's just me talking shit here.

Good luck and stand your ground.

 

[Mister Sin]

Your not going to like this, but I'm going to say it anyway. I hope it doesn't have an effect on our posting relationship.

My sister had a relationship in college that got mentally nasty and borderline physical.

Your sister just said that he finally had the balls to hit her. That means she has been antagonizing him and waiting for it. She is being manipulative and she knows it, she may even be enjoying the cat and mouse game. Part of the reason she is living with a guy that age is he is easy to toy with because he doesn't want to lose that young girl.

She is the problem here more than he is and she needs to go get things worked out. You may have to tell her that you don't want to hear any more about the crap and you may have to stop responding to those type of texts from her.

She wants out of the relationship I bet, but just doesn't have it in her to leave so she is trying to make things miserable enough that it happens organically or he decides to leave. That way she isn't the one with guilty feelings.

She sounds kinda immature for her age but that's just me talking shyte here.

Good luck and stand your ground.

I 100% agree with everything that you said. I am under no delusion that she is innocent, I know for a fact that she pulled a gun on him a while back. She pushes him. He pushes back and me and my older sister were talking about it earlier. I think he is a piece of shit, but I'm sure his family thinks she is, and I'm not sure they are wrong. I just don't want one killing the other.

 

[-X-]

I 100% agree with everything that you said. I am under no delusion that she is innocent, I know for a fact that she pulled a gun on him a while back. She pushes him. He pushes back and me and my older sister were talking about it earlier. I think he is a piece of shyte, but I'm sure his family thinks she is, and I'm not sure they are wrong. I just don't want one killing the other.

You should probably get the authorities involved now. If only for them to go by for a quick visit and ask some harmless questions. That way they're both under no delusion that if things escalate further, they can claim innocence.

 

[Mister Sin]

My older sister went and took her kids and brought them to their dads house. I think she is taking steps

 

[bluecoconuts]

Wow. I can't even imagine what I'd have done in your shoes.

It wasn't easy to restrain myself, but i wasn't going to throw away my entire life over a guy who would be released upon hours. His bbrother was one of the officers involved in the Rodney King beating and he was proud of it. A lot of blood sweat and tears went into me making it into a Special Operations unit and i didn't want to blow it so quickly.

 

[jrry32]

It wasn't easy to restrain myself, but i wasn't going to throw away my entire life over a guy who would be released upon hours. His bbrother was one of the officers involved in the Rodney King beating and he was proud of it. A lot of blood sweat and tears went into me making it into a Special Operations unit and i didn't want to blow it so quickly.

I hear ya man, I hear ya. I think the whole her dying and him bragging about it would have gotten to me. I can't say for sure what I would have done. But knowing myself and my brother/father, if someone did that to my sister, I don't want to know what one of us would do to them. I don't want to think I'd throw my life away over it but I could definitely see my dad doing something crazy. Guy sounds like a real piece of shit. Hopefully he gets/got what's coming to him.

 

[bluecoconuts]

I hear ya man, I hear ya. I think the whole her dying and him bragging about it would have gotten to me. I can't say for sure what I would have done. But knowing myself and my brother/father, if someone did that to my sister, I don't want to know what one of us would do to them. I don't want to think I'd throw my life away over it but I could definitely see my dad doing something crazy. Guy sounds like a real piece of shyte. Hopefully he gets/got what's coming to him.

Well supposedly he cleaned up his act, but I don't know for sure. The last I spoke to him was my sisters funeral, my mother didn't want him to come (obviously) and he said he would anyway. In true shithead fashion he said he would bring his gun so we couldn't stop him. I took the phone and told him I would also be armed (my father gave me his pistol and put his rifle in my trunk) and that if he wanted to risk it I would be happy to see him, while emphasizing that I don't miss what I'm aiming at. He never showed up, and that was the last I ever spoke to him. A few years later he e-mailed my mother saying sorry (which is when he said he was lying before about intentionally getting her to OD) and that he was fixing his life. That's the last thing I've heard about him, he doesn't come near the part of LA that I live in, so who knows what is really going on. I don't feel the need to worry about what is going on in his life, I have better things to think about.