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NFL Power Rankings, Week 1: Trons Power Rankings

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For the time being, until the Mods get tired of me doing them or enough people complain or I get extremely lazy(all 3 have a high probability), I will be in charge of doing weekly power rankings.

Now these are my own personal opinions, with no input or suggestions from mods or anyone else. So if you disagree with some of my rankings, which I am sure as hell many will, tough titties!!!!!
Although he is a complete douche, Arians knows how to coach and doesnt allow any 7-9 bullcrap. If father time doesnt come calling for Palmer, they are going to be a very tough team to beat. A defense that was already good got better with Honey Badger returning from his ACL injury and the addition of Chandler Jones. David Johnson is primed for a big year.

Ever hear the term ass hat? I use it a lot for some reason. If you didn't know what an Ass hat is, here you go:

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Jordy Nelson is back and Rodgers is happy. Seriously, they always have a plethora of WR's who kick ass, its really not fair. As long as Rodgers is in the NFL or shows otherwise, his team is going to be ranked high.
Pete Carrol has the most punchable face in the NFL. Wilson is a complete fake ass tool. Dick Sherman is a bitch. His face when Wilson threw the int at the end of the Superbowl was one of the greatest things I have ever seen!! And I've seen a lot of awesome crap (tits, asses, more tits, big ben, sharks, and yes, tits!!) Cant wait till they fall from their high tower.
Panthers will make it to the playoffs mainly because they play in a very weak division. I think they have a great defense and an ok offense. They will suck and be a 5-11 team in a few short years. But for now they have their window and are good enough to be a contender. Don't see them making it to another Superbowl though.
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Seriously, this douche looks like hes about to make a guest appearance on Saved by the Bell in 1994.

-I didnt know Giselle was a lesbian....
-I didnt know Tom Brady was a Lesbian.....

If not for his 4 game suspension they would be ranked higher. I almost puked typing that....Hate this team so damn much!!!

*I was wrong, Pete Carrol has the 2nd most punchable face in the NFL.
Bengals will do great things during the regular season. Then will flop as always in the playoffs. Rinse, wash, repeat.
Manning's gone but its not like he helped the team much last year. Now they have two quarterbacks with zero NFL starts after ridding themselves of butt fumble. Defense will carry them through the season. Might not win the division though.
Who might win the division if the Broncos don't? Well the Chiefs of course!!!! The Chiefs will have a strong year. I really don't have much to say about them. So I'm just gonna ramble about nothing to fill in the space. Ok? Like I care if you care if its ok or not. Get out of here!! Ok i'm done for now, I rambled enough right? Yea I think I did too. Here's a picture of a kitten in a sombrero for those who read all that garbage:

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Roethlisberger and Co. are back. Bell is suspended for the first 3 games of the season but will be a force once he returns in week 4. Antonio Brown will do what he does best - be a stud. If the defense can do well enough, they could make a run for the playoffs.
We will now see if Cousins' great 2nd half last year was a fluke or if he's the real deal. In a weak division, if they play just average, they could win it.
Teddy B. is out and who knows when/if he will ever return to form. In a move made by desperation, the Vikings traded for Sam "my knee is actually stronger than someone else's?" Bradford. If he can stay healthy, he'll put up decent numbers while handing off to AP 30 times a game.

They could make a run.

He still has the goofiest throwing face in the NFL, and its probably his "O" face as well.

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An offense that is young and coming into its own, paired with a nasty defense led by the Mack Attack. They are a few years off from contending for the division title, but if they continue to grow it could happen soon.
Texans now have a QB!!! Whether or not he is actually good or not is yet to be seen. Watt will kick ass and Clowney will disappoint again. Hopkins plus new weapons could make Brock's life easier. Being in a weak division could help them take the crown again.
Fitzmagic is back!! The Amish rifle has returned!!! Todd Bowles' defense will be strong and its offense will be better than average. But as always, The Cheatriots will take the division. Wild card or bust.
I think Luck will have a bounce back season. I could be horribly wrong and he could suck again. Have the Colts done anything to improve themselves? I'm really asking because it never seems like they do.
This isn't the same old Jaguars!! Well at least they dont seem like it. We shall see. Defense will be stout and the offense will be good. In a weak division anything is possible.
Rex Ryan will be Rex Ryan and they will fail to live up to expectations ... and his promise.
If Keenum can put up 200+ yards through the air the Rams offense might not be dependent solely on Gurley. Once Goff is ready the offense will take off and we wont be at the bottom of the league in passing. The defense will be fierce and will keep the Rams in plenty of games. The Rams can beat teams in NFC West, but they need to learn not to lay eggs against bad teams outside of it.

That's some 7-9 bullcrap.
Dak Prescott will show us if he is the real deal now that Romo is taking his yearly vacation to the IR. Elliot will run wild behind what many consider the best O-line in the league. If Dak can limit his mistakes and be solid, they could over-take the Skins and take the Division. Hopefully they suck though so we can rag on @Rynie a bunch (y)

Oh, and here's this.

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OBJ will be good, Eli will throw 78 interceptions, the defense will be good sometimes, Below average the rest.
If the Ravens could ever get back to the playoffs, Flacco could tear some crap up. But until they do he will just be mediocre.
They are legit on offense, it's just that pesky other half of the team that just cant seem to do anything right. If the defense can improve, this team could be a 10 win team.
Drew Brees is gonna do what he always does and be a beast. The only problem is the rest of the team doesn't feel like showing up every Sunday. If the defense can do anything close to just normal suckage, they could take 2nd in the division.
Does anyone care about the Lions anymore? I mean really? I think the front office hires people off the street to fill the stands.

See!!! totally fake!

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Dolphins will be fighting for last place. That's all I got.
I like what they are doing up in Tennessee. They are really young but have a good core of guys. In a couple of years they could take the division. Anything is possible!!!
The Eagles are trying to undo the massive damage that Chip left them with. He basically took a crap on the rug over and over again till they finally got tired of the stench and kicked him to the curb (Lucky Baalke was driving by and gave him a ride to San Fransisco so he could have a new place to crap on. Lucky us!!!!!! MUAHAHAHA!!)

Oh crap, the Eagles...ummmm...Wentz is going to be your starting QB....I think he will do ok really but... Ummm, damn, you guys are gonna suck big time. But hey, no more Chip!!!
Famous Jameis will continue to grow and the offense will have more bright spots this year. The defense still needs some work. In a weak division they still have no hope to win it as long as the Panthers are on their roll. I see them winning 1 more game than last year.
You finally signed your 1st round pick from the draft!!! HOOORAY!!! Give yourselves a pat on the back!! Then slap each other in the faces since you're dumbasses. Rivers will be good as usual, but unfortunately the rest of your team is gonna suck....as usual.. Melvin Gordon might not suck this year!!!...might....yea..you guys are screwed in that division..
Jay Cutler could be good this year!!!! Alshon will be good when not injured. Dead last in the division again, unless the Lions play more Liony than usual...
Kraperdick cant beat out Blaine Gabbert. Your players would rather retire than be a Whiner. Your HC is a control freak who no one likes.

Here is the 2016 team photo:

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Do I really even have to say anything?

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Comments

  1. flv
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    Hmmm! Challenging...the update...will be.
      Tron likes this.
    1. Tron
      About 1/3 done right now. Very challenging indeed. Hope to finish before the game tomorrow.
      Tron, Sep 14, 2016
  2. Ram65
    I found how to comment...dah! Keep it up Tron.

    Isn't it time for the Steelers to make another run? The first few weeks usually has some surprises. Packers coming back but, I'm not sold on the Zona just yet. Could it be the year of of the Chiefs? Vikings should be very interesting. I hope the Rams can keep moving up.
      DaveFan'51 likes this.
  3. Dagonet
    Good job mate.
      DaveFan'51 and Tron like this.
  4. Jorgeh0605
    Holy crap this was fire! I don't agree with a lot of it, like I believe you should have put the kitten in a sombrero a little higher up. But it was a fun read.
      DaveFan'51 and Tron like this.
  5. Ramhusker
    Good stuff! I like the way you left our Rams plenty of room to rise the rankings! Keep it up!
      Dagonet likes this.
  6. RAMSinLA
    Nice job
  7. TXRams86
    good stuff @Tron
    that Jerry Jones gif had me rolling.
      Dagonet likes this.
  8. RamWoodie
    Good job Tron. I'm not one to pay attention to rankings...but we all have some idea about how we think a season goes. I think you have the Rams too low though. I think they should be between 11-15 range.
      DaveFan'51 likes this.
  9. KNUCKLEHEAD
    LOL.... Not your typical power rankings. Loved it!
  10. MTRamsFan
    TRON Rocks!